Depression support thread

[Elfs Mummy]

I really think you need to go to another doctor, and if he wont listen go to another one you can't feel like this forever you deserve so much more.
You love Annabelles dad but he needs help to you don't deserve him saying if you split he will commit suicide you deserve soo much more and until he gets help its really not fair on your little girl that hes doing this to you. Im sure he can be an amazing dad but he needs to be amazing 100 % of the time (really dont want you to think im slagging him of because im not) he needs help too.
When i get back from ante natel i'll try and find some numbers you can call if your eating is really bad so that you can bypass the doctors, Annabelle needs a healthy, Happy Mum which i know you can be so we can all help you acheieve to be the best that you can be xxx

 

[titch]

i feel like a fraud somehow because i have never gone down to a 'dangerous' weight.

my friend spent 2009 in hospital, her anorexia got so bad she went down to a dangerous weight. It took a long time for her to be able to eat and feel better agan, there was so much to unravel. It shocked her when a girl in her therapy group who weighed more than her went into organ failure and died. The thing that I beat myself up about is the fact that we lived in a share house together for 2 years and I knew she had these issues with food, but she was never an unhealthy weight so I never said or did anything. Im so glad shes better now, but I keep thinking, she did so much damage to her body, shes been told she'll have fertility issues, why did I let her get that bad? Please dont wait, you deserve to be in control of your life, not to let any illness control you.

 

[*Hope*]

Atm i feel quite strong. next time i feel low though i will def go to my new doctor.

thankyou xx

 

[Toonlass]

Don't wait until your low, go now and explain that there is a pattern and you need help.

God I wish the depression could just end! For all of us, in my heart I know life can be amazing but in my head it's just day after day of SHIT!!!

Monkei, I was sober but now I am back on the drink. It's not the answer but i can't stop. I drink every night and sometimes I drink on a day time in secret. I can't see life getting any better at the moment, I'm really struggling. I get very little sleep and when I do sleep I have terrible nightmares. I starve myself for days then binge for a week, I am over weight because of the amount of beer I drink. This shouldn't be my life! People think I am a respectable person, not a sad, depressed fat borderline alcoholic. I'm rambling, sorry xx

 

[Elfs Mummy]

Monkei, I was sober but now I am back on the drink. It's not the answer but i can't stop. I drink every night and sometimes I drink on a day time in secret. I can't see life getting any better at the moment, I'm really struggling. I get very little sleep and when I do sleep I have terrible nightmares. I starve myself for days then binge for a week, I am over weight because of the amount of beer I drink. This shouldn't be my life! People think I am a respectable person, not a sad, depressed fat borderline alcoholic. I'm rambling, sorry xx

as you said drink is not the answer ... i did it last year but i was sooo bad that i was drinking 3/4 bottles of spirits a week. I really think you need to try and get some help, Im a bit of a hypocrite there. Nightmares are terrible, and you need to sleep so even if you just start with that, get someone to help you sleep through the night. Im sure you're not fat hun, i've never seen a picture but someone as beautiful as you shouldn't have to think like that, its not fair you don't deserve these thoughts, you deserve an amazing life because you are such a lovely person. Don't ever apologise for getting your feelings out, if you need to rant, rant away im happy to listen. I think it's important that you let your feelings out, you listen to my rants and really theres nothing wrong with my life. You will get through this thats a promise i know i can make, because you are strong, you are a resppectable person, you are not fat ! you are just finding life hard, and sometimes you need to do something for you, and your making steps your letting us in xxx

 

[*Hope*]

i went to the doctor today. He has referred me and i have to wait for a letter about going to speak to someone. i had a bit of a bad night last night. and i dont want to have another low so i did it. i found it ok, my new doctor is a nice guy. bit embarrassing saying some of the stuff but i told myself he must be used to it. we both agreed it isnt depression because im very motivated and lively. its the extreme highs and lows and the punishing myself for stuff. i admitted to him that when i accidentally made annabelles thumb bleed when clipping her nails (she cried so much) i made me own thumb bleed too. i felt So guilty, how insane is that?!

Toon my mums alcoholism slowly but surely got so bad it ruined nearly everything. can you go to speak to someone? even if just a friend at first??

I hope everyones feeling ok today x

 

[titch]

well done hun, im massively impressed that youvereached out for help. youve done the hardest bit already xxx

 

[Elfs Mummy]

Well done hun, you've done the hardest bit now xxx

 

[Toonlass]

Well done chick

I also went to the doctor today and I cried like a big girl! He is getting me to wean off my fluoxetine for the next week and then I start my new pills called venlafaxine 75mg. He said it's gone on long enough now and he is going to personally see to it that I see a psychiatrist again if these new pills don't help. I am getting my bloods done for my thyroid function next week so the results will be back intime for seeing the doc again in 3 weeks time. I spent so long moaning to him about my depression that I never got a chance to ask for the weight loss pills I wanted but I'll speak to him about that another time.

Pouring my heart out was exhausting but I feel I have made a big step in taking control.

How is everyone else doing today? Xx

 

[Elfs Mummy]

Well done Toon thats brilliant and your Doctor sounds like he really is trying to help you xxx

Im just :'(

 

[Lilelephant]

*peeking in*

 

[pinkymum]

Hey girls,

Just caught up on here. Hope I'm glad you found this thread too, I've been diagnosed with BPD for 10 years. I agree with toon, don't wait until your low to goto the doc. Having some help could prevent you from getting so low again. I'm so glad that my life is different now, I know that there are issues I'll always have but I deal with it differently now. I was bulimic for a long time, I really feel for you and I know its not as easy as just stopping!

Toon how are you feeling today? *hugs*

Well I had cut down to 8 cigs a day and today I've started to use the inhalator again. Don't want to smokeanymore because I feel too guilty. Tried cold turkey and couldn't, midwife is happy for me to use the inhalator

 

[pinkymum]

oops I didn't notice the posts on page 12 lol.

Toon and hope, well done! Toon I was on Venlafaxine about 8 years ago. No anti-depressants have helped me, but I know some people who've found venlafaxine particulary helpful!

x x x x

 

[leanne1b]

Just wanted to say well done too to Hope and Toon!
xx

 

[pinkymum]

Is there anyone on this thread (or reading) who has visible self harm scars? My left arm is a mess and I'm not taking a few thin scars, lots of people think I've been in a fire even though I've never burnt myself. My arm is out of shape and it looks awful. I've had surgery on it 5 times. Makes me sad to think back and remember how awful things really were. Anyway I've always thought what would I do when I had kids and what I would tell them when they are older. My nephew has asked me but he's 7 and autistic and wouldn't understand if I told him so I just say I hurt myself. Has anyone had to answer these questions?
I'm so proud of myself it's been a year since I cut! Longest I've ever gone, so proud that after the childhood I had I've eventually managed to turn things around. But still haunted by scars on my arm! I always hide them, even in the summer I cover up. I was telling my therapist the other day that I've started worrying about what healthcare professionals will think f me when I'm giving birth becuase I can't cover up then!

Sorry this is really long!

 

[leanne1b]

Hi all.
Sorry havent been on for a while.
So... anxiety getting worse again. Had big argument with my dad on friday. Well, he had a fight with my sister and I phoned him and had a go at him for it. So yelling at me.... ~I told him thats it, Im done with him. The way he ended the convo... to tell me he hopes I rot in my grave. Hes an alcoholic... so was drunk... but thats no excuse. You don';t say that to ur child regardless of how old they r!
Since then I keep freaking out that he'll turn up here drunk one night and hurt my kids, pour petrol through my letterbox, like proper freakin here.
Also,, Im suddnely feeling quite down about me and my babys relationship...
I can never calm him down. literally. Now Im out 5 days a week and my partner looks fter him, but it just hurts so much that he doesnt like me... I thought we'd bonded, suddenly I think we havent.
Im just feeling sorry for myself. Sorryx

 

[Toonlass]

Hey girls. I haven't been around much lately either because I have been really down. I even took a knife to my leg on Sunday and it looks a mess
Just wanted to pop in and send everyone hugs xx

 

[leanne1b]

Christ toon are you okay? did you get it checked? Make sure it doesnt get infected or anything
thinking of u hun x

 

[MrsR]

Only just saw this.

Growing up I had no love from my 'mother' so little in fact that I haven't called her mum in years. I was told every day I was useless, worthless, a bitch, a mistake etc etc. I started to self harm at 13 and ran away from home regularly. When I was 18 I was raped by a friend of a friend and ended up pregnant. I decided to keep my baby and I was doing well or so I thought. Now I look back I can see I wasn't doing well at all. When I didn't have DD with me I drank, a lot. I had panic attacks and was in a very bad relationship with someone who was also drinking quite a lot. Eventually I got up the courage to leave him and I started to turn my life around. Amazingly DD and I are very very close as I never let my depression encroach on our relationship. I use food as a tool of control and when I'm not pg I will eat generally once a day. I don't feel hungry and now I'm back on tramadol, ibuprofen and paracetamol (all prescribed) my appetite is even more supressed which explains how I got back in my size 8-10 clothes 2 weeks after giving birth. I still get overwhelming desires to self harm but my OH is amazing and he helps me so much. It was him that saved me from myself after I suffered a mmc and left my fiancée. I have never told anyone everything and find it hard to trust people. Sorry it's so long it's such a relief to be able to speak about it.

 

[pinkymum]

Helen I'm glad you felt able to share your story with us - do you get any help for the eating?
Toon - how are you feeling? How's the leg? Hope it's ok?
Tiny - how you getting on?
Big hugs all!!!!