cant please everybody...

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by cathers, Jun 30, 2005.

  1. cathers

    cathers New Member

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    Hi Everyone,

    This is my first post, so i'll try not to bore u all 2 death!
    Basically i have the hugest dilemma, I'm 19 and 6 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend knows about the baby, but he wants an abortion. talking to the girls (my mum and a good mate, both who have had abortions and children) they say I should do what feels right, which to me is keeping the baby. the boys (just a couple of lads i know) think that i should abort if my bf wants me to, but agree it is my choice.
    I don't think i could live with myself having an abortion, i've wanted this for a long time and burst into tears just thinking about it (prob. hormones)
    I know if I have the abortion, everyone, but me, will be happy. If i dont abort, I'll obviously be upsetting a few people.
    what should i do? i have the doctors tomorrow to talk about it, but i'm not sure whether to say i want the abortion or not. any advice?
    would be really grateful...
    thanks.
    cat :(
     
  2. Guest

    This is my breif story - it may help you to decide what to do or help you think about what you want/don't want.

    I am 19 and 10wk2dy pregnant. I have only been with my BF since Januray of this year and have lived together since first dating. We were very very happy and planned to start a family after I had been to Univerity and completed my course to be a Midwife. Plus we would also have more financial backing.

    Unfortuantely things didn't pan out this way. I discovered I was pregnant 20th May and I knew that although I could never have an abortion (as I had lost 2 babies and for me I couldn't live with it), my BF may think slightly differently.

    We discussed money situation, whether he was ready to be a family and a father, etc. Money wil be very very tight beleive me. He is in a job which earns a fairly good salary but not good enough to support a family and provide a home. We now face the daunting prospect of finding a place to live, finding extra ways of income and still eventually being stable enough for me to go to University and complete my dream.

    It is a long tough road sweetie, but I think it is well worth it. Love conquers everything and I have plenty of that to give. But only YOU know what to do in your head and your heart.

    PM me if you need me xxx
     
  3. Sunshine

    Sunshine Well-Known Member

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    Oh I really feel for you Cat. Having been in this situation myself I can only relate what happenned to me. I was 26, in a stable relationship (10yrs), we were in our own house and I was ready for kids. Unfortunatley my other half wasn't. I got pregnant and immediately wanted to keep the baby. We discussed it with his mum who really wanted us to keep it. His dad just said do what we thought best. My other half was dead set against having the baby as he didn't feel "ready". I felt that without his support I could not continue the pregnancy on my own, so I reluctantly arranged to have an abortion. I went though with it but I was in tears in the car on the way to the clinic because I really really did not want it. For months afterwards I was in a terrible state, I had counselling to try to come to terms with what I had done. My partner and I did stay together and are still together today. We now have 2 lovely kids and are expecting our 3rd in February. The whole episode is one we both regret, it was the worst decision I have ever made. However, we live with it, it is not something we like to talk about, or even something I like to think about.

    At the end of the day all I can say is be sure of your decision before you do anything that you may regret. If YOU want to keep the baby - KEEP IT. If YOU feel that now is not the right time, you will have opportunities in the future. It is your life at the end of the day, you will be the one left looking after the baby. Do not let yourself be pressurised into anythig that you don't really want.

    By the way I also had an abortion when I was 17. I was still at school and living at home. I knew that I was not ready for a child and that I was making the right decision. I have never had second thoughts about this, the only mistake I made then was actually getting pregnant in the first place. It is not something I am proud of, but it is also not something that I regret. Sometimes abortion is the right choice. Only you know how you feel. Only you can make that decision.

    Good luck - whatever you decide. My thoughts are with you.
     
  4. bobtheunfortunateone

    bobtheunfortunateone Well-Known Member

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    Hi cat, sorry to hear about all the mixed feelings you must be going through right now, all I can offer is advice the discission has to be yours and yours alone! tough as it is but it is all about when you feel, remember most new 1st time mums worry about finances, relationships etc, but you have people to talk to. I would find it hard myself to get a abortion, but my bfriend as had one and she as no regrets, she had already had two unplanned kids and realised another one would be a mistake and she has no regrets! If you have it, will you partner support you? My friend finds it very hard to have a relationship because of her kids (not always the case for single parents! My mum did pretty well) Are you both in a position to support a childs needs! Love and Financially? some where to live, jobs etc a baby is alot of work but the love you will recieve back will unconditional! It is you discission, but you could do with your partner & families support, but it too them the responce might be a ok surprise! try it first!!

    If they say ok it is up to you then that is good! right? Once they see the baby things change!!
     

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