Breastfeeding someone else's baby?

[titch]

I think Fi, noone is disagreeing that breastmilk is the most nutritious for babies. But the way you said that is very hurtful. Ive read a few things that makes me think you have absolutely no clue how lucky you are to have been able to feed your son yourself. Not everyone has natural births, not everyone is even lucky enough to be able to hold their child after their born let alone feed them. Children are born ill or with problems that mean they cant feed. Mums have all sorts of health problems and need for medications which shock the body into not producing breastmilk at all.

I think you need to spend less time evangelising about how wonderful breastmilk is and more time realising that most people who dont breast feed desperately want to and break their hearts over it, its the most painful thing having to watch your child being fed by someone else. Noone needs to be told cows milk is no good for their baby when they are already scared deep down that they are no good for not being able to offer their own milk.

 

[tinytoes]

I can honestly say Iwas so devestated as when I was told I couldnt breastfeed , so maybe its a sensitive point for me too as I an see my lo struggling to gain weight and feel responsible .

 

[Rachaellius]

I think it was an absolutely awful thing to say! I would never ever knowingly make a comment that made someone feel like a failure as a mother. It was just down right insensitive. You're very lucky to be able to breastfeed. But even if someone was bottle feeding through choice I would never judge them for it!!!

 

[Franna75]

I don't agree that "most" people don't BF for those reasons. I was shocked by how many people don't because its easier and that make the decision before they've even given birth. It seems to be trendy not to in the youth (haha I sound old) - from the people I have spoken to.

I just assumed most did (i'm very naive) and so did my baby's father. We both asked our Mothers and found we were FF because it was "easier" and "I was just no good at it". His father is American and in the 70s 3/4 (approx) of US were formula fed. I'm guessing due to heavy marketing campaigns and money making.

Which begs the question - what did people do before 1970s and we're back to the original question. I know I wouldn't want anyone else to feed my baby, although saying that if it were a close relative (obviously not my Mum haha).

That said, it must be heartbreaking for those that want to and can't and thankfully we have got an alternative.

 

[titch]

you know what though, I know loads of mums who really struggled with breastfeeding. Probably cos I went to support groups and chatted to mums on here. I really think if you have breastfed you have no idea how it can all go wrong, cos obviously it hadnt gone wrong for you.

My mum breast fed all 3 of us and I seriously just thought I would be able to do it. I was in no way mentally prepared for it to go wrong at all. My mum was even shocked by what happened. I think when some people say "I was no good at it" its actually trying to brush off deeply emotional issues. I dont talk about it with people Im not comfortable with. I cant talk about it without crying so obviously Im not going to just tell people what actually happened in the staffroom while everyones chatting about babies etc... Sometimes Ive said stuff like, I needed the help cos I was ill so FF was a better option, and crap like that. None of its true. Its not easy to say to people, I bust a gut but failed. I didnt produce milk, my body doesnt know how to be a mother.

Once you start talking about it, people join in. I dont know one of my mummy friends who has bottle fed who actually wanted to bottle feed. The ones who entertained the thought before the baby was born were the ones who were scared they wouldnt be able to do it. Maybe its a cultural thing where i live or something.

 

[evie_smith]

I don't think Fi was intending a big who-ha she was just jesting and I re read her comment and I giggled I didn't find it offensive I bf bella for 3 months before my milk ran out and dried up (I was had recovered from them leaving placenta in me then fell preg again) my body gave up and I stopped producing I had no breastfeeding mothers around me so I switched to formula for her health as thats all I could do. It was a very upsetting and distressful time for me and zander I stopped BF him at 6 months coz he bit both my nips and made them blead told the doc and he said put him on formula I was devastated - then after I dried up I found out about nipple shields - I could have butted that doctor!!! Chloe bf up to 9 months but was preferring her water from the beakers and stopped bf I expressed for 1/2 a month but it wasn't the same and I stopped producing unfortunately all times really hard - but I haven't taken fi's comment offensively it's just an opinion and I think she put it rather nicely she could have said I would never feed my baby formula it's rubbish - now that would have been offensive - not trying to ruffle feathers just saying. play nice ladies xx
My answer to the question is I wouldn't feel comfortable someone feeding my baby but if it was expressed I would have no problems feeding it her myself or giving her the bottle to drink from I would just feel bad for the mother incase she didn't produce enough milk for her baby then as she expressed for mine xx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Ffs fi, how self-righteous and holier than thou do you want to be?! The fast majority of people who don't bf do it not because they don't want to, but because they cant!! Simple as! I'm the first to admit that I don't understand why people don't try (unless there's a medical reason from the start that they know about!) but i would never, ever judge people for that! It's their choice as a parent what they want to do!

I breastfed Katie til she was about 4 months, my milk dried up and she wasn't gaining any weight! What was i supposed to do?! Keep bf and leave her to starve?! I had no other option! I was absolutely distraught, cried myself to sleep, the lot! But at the end of the day, I had to do the best for my baby! Who gives a shit if it was milk from me or a cow?! Yes, cows milk is designed for calves, but if it's a choice between that and my daughter starving, there's only one real choice!! I'm still devastated now over it! Your comment are so rude it's unbelievable!!

Anyway, in answer to the original question, I'd have no problems bf another child if I was able to! As it stands, I have suspected production issues, so chances are I wouldn't be able to, but you never know! Maybe my lack of production was down to my depression, I don't know! But what I do know is that when I stopped feeding K I didn't leak once, when I stopped feeding E at a couple of days old, practically the same story! I never got the massive sore hard boobs that I *should* have done and think I leaked a tiny amount the first day!

I'm not sure how I'd feel about someone else feeding my child tho! It is something ice often thought about tho! I'd be happy to give them a bottle of expressed milk, but it's different actually feeding I think!


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[Dragonfly Fi]

Actually, jasper had 70% tongue tie when he was born, resulting in me not being able to feed him for over a week,I couldn't hold him because the smell of me drove him to distraction and many a night me and Liam sat up, squeezing breast milk by hand into his screaming mouth because he just couldn't latch. I then had to watch him be pinned down at a week and a half old, having spent half a week permanently attached to a breast pump which was then syringed into his underweight and jaundice body, to have his tongue snipped free

He then needed a breast shield to latch because he didn't understand how to himself and I painstakingly had to not only teach myself how to feed him, but also him how to feed. I then had to wean him slowly off the nipple shield because I knew without maturing my nipples we would not be able to breastfeed for very long

Then I got mastitis because he was latching more on one side than the other and I had to hand squeeze a lump of milk out of my breast and learn to feed him differently.

So your comment, tiny, that I 'don't understand' how difficult breastfeeding is ridiculous. You don't know me, my story or the journey I have come on. I am proud I have breastfed my son because I have every bloody right to be.

Every day on here I read about how women are 'choosing' before even giving birth that they aren't going to 'bother'. Which, when you have bothered to do the research is like 'not bothering' to carry your baby full term! Yes lots of babies are born early and survive and go on to be perfect adults having spent 2 months in hospital rather than their mummies tummys but that should not make it a 'choice'

Breastfeeding, for the first three months at least is like the fourth trimester, it is absolutely what a child needs to develop properly it's intestines, inner organs and brain. Yes formula does an adequate job but it should not be seen as 'as good'

Yet I see people refer to it as 'as good' or 'a choice' all the time on this forum and no one bats and eyelid, yet I make a joke about powdered baby cows and their is uproar!

It's ridiculous.

 

[ZMD]

Im also quiet upset by your comment i loved bfing! i stopped at 4.5months because my child is Lactose intolerant, i cut out ALL dairy then my supply subsided & Tegan still wasn't gaining any weight! so i was very thankfull for Lactose free formula, was i supposed to starve her?!
answer to the original question i would happily feed another baby but think id be slightly jealous of someone else feeding my baby

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

FFs guys, it was a joke, lighten up FFs it's christmas!

I would rather give my kid human milk than cows milk, for obvious reasons... Obviously having my own opinion about why is just TOO much for the majority... Whatever, it was a joke, get over it FFs.

 

[tinytoes]

Im going to bow out of this thread as Im feeling a bit upset its a raw point for me right now as Im so worried about Lily's weight and i dont want to bring my own feelings into it . Fi Im really sorry you had such a rough time getting Jasper to feed it sounds awful and you should be proud. I know you were only making a lighthearted joke I think its just a topic that cause cause strong feelings .
As for the OP I actually wish we had a more open mind about breast milk donation , not just for premmies but in general . As I am sure it would help in my situation but like I say i would feel strannge watching my baby being breastfed by someone else .

 

[titch]

Fi, have you even entertained the thought that after doing all that, you still never got to BF jasper? Jeez, its not even that much of a stretch of the imagination for you and yet you still make insensitive jokes that are about as funny as a colonoscopy. There's a difference between being proud of yourself and looking down your nose at people who weren't as lucky as you.

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

My stomach actually just churned and tensed at your "fourth trimester" comment! Yes, in an ideal world, we'd all be able to bf til three months, but it doesn't always work out that way! Yes you overcame adversity to bf, well done! But don't make the rest of us feel like shite!

As it happens, I have two highly intelligent, articulate children with absolutely no digestive problems or anything else the matter because I didn't bf for long enough! In fact, my daughter I bf for the longest has bone problems, so clearly it's irrelevant in that case! Although perhaps that was because my milk was insufficient?! Great, another guilt trip for me!

Your comment was supposed to be a joke, yes, but it's a highly emotive subject and people were clearly going to be offended! Its just like walling into a room of dwarfs and making dwarfist jokes, or the same with people with downs syndrome or something! We all know the jokes exist, as do they, but would never dream of using them!!


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[Dragonfly Fi]

FFs I was not 'lucky' I worked bloody hard! What a ridiculously insensitive thing to say!

I suggest you stop making insinuations about me titch when you know nothing about me to make those accusations.

'lucky' FFs!

 

[titch]

FFs guys, it was a joke, lighten up FFs it's christmas!

I would rather give my kid human milk than cows milk, for obvious reasons... Obviously having my own opinion about why is just TOO much for the majority... Whatever, it was a joke, get over it FFs.

I've heard you pull this 'I'm allowed an opinion' card so many times and frankly it does my nut in. You're allowed to give your ill educated narrow minded opinions and deliver them without a second thought for other peoples feelings, but when you get called on it you don't like it. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Oh and FYI when I was expressing and not producing anything to feed my baby, and his blood sugars were dropping, I was told to give him formula, I asked for BM donation and wasn't allowed it cos its only for prem babies. We don't even have different opinions on the matter, we just have very different. Opinions on how to respect other people.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Any topic can cause strong feelings, I have pretty strong feelings when I hear people talk about giving up breastfeeding before they have even started because they think it will be too hard! I also get pretty upset when people refer to me as 'lucky' for working really bloody hard.

Yes I have very very strong feelings on breastfeeding, feelings that are valid and mine and I will express as much as the next person.

Frankly I think if you are so so upset by a flippant comment that was meant as a joke, you should be looking inside yourself not blaming me for you feeling bad!

Tis ridiculous. I have lots of evidence for feeling the way I do about breastfeeding being akin to the fourth trimester, I wish I could share those thoughts but as usual this has become playground mudslinging with 'friends' ganging up to make someone feel bad. It was a joke, I have said as much, FFs lighten up!

 

[titch]

FFs I was not 'lucky' I worked bloody hard! What a ridiculously insensitive thing to say!

I suggest you stop making insinuations about me titch when you know nothing about me to make those accusations.

'lucky' FFs!

I worked fucking hard too Fi. You don't deserve to have been able to have fed your son over me. I worked and worked for months. I hardly slept. I'm sorry but it is lucky cos it couldve been worse and I don't wish it on you or anyone. I'm very glad that you were able to succeed, but surely you can see how hurtful it is to make snide comments about formula to those who failed?!?

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

FFs guys, it was a joke, lighten up FFs it's christmas!

I would rather give my kid human milk than cows milk, for obvious reasons... Obviously having my own opinion about why is just TOO much for the majority... Whatever, it was a joke, get over it FFs.

I've heard you pull this 'I'm allowed an opinion' card so many times and frankly it does my nut in. You're allowed to give your ill educated narrow minded opinions and deliver them without a second thought for other peoples feelings, but when you get called on it you don't like it. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Oh and FYI when I was expressing and not producing anything to feed my baby, and his blood sugars were dropping, I was told to give him formula, I asked for BM donation and wasn't allowed it cos its only for prem babies. We don't even have different opinions on the matter, we just have very different. Opinions on how to respect other people.

I am allowed my opinion, and I assure you it is not an uneducated one, I worked very hard in th first two weeks of my sons life because I had educated myself in just how important it was for him t have my breast milk.

Again, it amazing me how many can comment on how unnecessary breastfeeding is, without a flicker of an eyelid from anyone, but someone has strong views the other way and it is 'so' shocking!

Ridiculous and all based on wild accusations you have decided about me without knowing me and you know it! Lucky to breastfeed! How utterly insulting you can be and you lecture me about manners!! Seriously grow up!

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

FFs I was not 'lucky' I worked bloody hard! What a ridiculously insensitive thing to say!

I suggest you stop making insinuations about me titch when you know nothing about me to make those accusations.

'lucky' FFs!

I worked fucking hard too Fi. You don't deserve to have been able to have fed your son over me. I worked and worked for months. I hardly slept. I'm sorry but it is lucky cos it couldve been worse and I don't wish it on you or anyone. I'm very glad that you were able to succeed, but surely you can see how hurtful it is to make snide comments about formula to those who failed?!?

I didnt make snide comments to anyone, the only person who has made snide comments is you, about me being 'lucky' and in doing so belittling my journey, what it cost me and how hard it was.

I am guilty of making a joke some people didn't find funny and have done nothing but defend myself, the only personal snide and hurtful remarks here have come from you.

 

[titch]

You think your manners are not a problem?! Would love to put that one to the vote I'll repeat myself more conscisely, your opinion is not the issue here, its the way you deliver it. You have a very uncharming way with words and I'm done biting my tongue with you. I don't know you, I don't care to know you if thruth be told. You've shown complete lack of respect for people so many times. I've lost count. And when you've been told you've upset someone, instead of apologising or even acknowledging it, you lay into people more. That's what I know about you.