thanks everyone, how lovely everyone is. DH has me tucked up on the couch and is being his usual lovely self. I feel awful for him too, but he is putting a brave face on it. We are very open about things so we will have a long chat later. The kids are at my mums but when they come back I will need to chat with Jess. I told her we would be having a baby in the summer and she talks about it. I know she is young but her understanding skills are great so I will have to think of something to tell her to help her understand. She knows about heaven but so far thinks its only cats and dogs that go. She will cheer me up, she will come away with something smart that only a 3 year old would get away with.