Are all SO's this useless??

[HS1985]

Hi

Ok, so apologies but as a newbie to both pregnancy and this site I am desperately reaching our for some reassurance. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant and after 6 months, this week on Tuesday we got the result we dreamed of. Or at least I thought we did.

At first he seemed so happy but by the end of the day we were arguing about the fact he still wanted us to go to a rave we had planned on this weekend. I know life doesn't have to end as soon as you're pregnancy but this is my first and EDD puts me at about 5 weeks 4days. As anyone who has been to a rave before, they are full of highly active, drunk/ drugged up people and I was worried about getting knocked into/ getting spiked/ being the only human in a room full of potential space men! I just didn't feel that it was right for me at this time but he said if I wouldn't go he wouldn't and he had been excited about it for months etc etc.

The bottom line is that we managed a whole 10 hours of happiness before we descended in to a row for the next 12.He also said a really low blow which he's now apologised for but I can't get it out of my mind. I've tried to understand that he was having his 'OMG this is happening' freak out but I also feel he was so selfish and didn't consider me or our dreams in all of that. Where was the allowance for me to freak out, what about my feeling and recognitions of the changes I immediately have to make to my life.

I know that this isn't really his character, he's normally very loving and I know the joy was there when I told him. Please someone tell me it gets better. I feel so low.

 

[Surveyor]

Wow, sounds like quite the dilemma...

No matter how wanted your baby is, it is likely a huge shock to his system. Even good stress can be overwhelming, it may be he hasn't yet really faced the reality that he is going to be a dad. How is it going now?

I have never been at a rave so I don't really know how they are, is it likely that you will get injured? If they are so dangerous maybe it's not a good idea to go to raves pregnant or not?

As you are so early in your pregnancy physical activity shouldn't really make a difference in likelihood for miscarriage. The biggest risks to your baby at this stage are chromosomal abnormalities, stress, illness and lifestyle related risk factors like poor nutrition or alcohol use. At this point all you can do for baby is make healthy choices for yourself. Did you guys end up going to the rave?

 

[HS1985]

We didn't end up going. We had a very thorough talk about things and something seemed to click in that although things haven't changed essentially right now and it may not seem different, the decisions I have to make start right now, feeling real or not, even down to me not having incredibly hot baths like I love. After a couple of days doing normal stuff mixed in with a few of these moderate changes, like me not having wine with dinner, he seems a lot better and I'm more confident in everything that's going on.
Thank you for replying x

 

[KHTW]

A woman becomes a mother once she find out she is pregnant, from that moment onward protecting your child is no.1 on your list. I think you did the right thing by not going.

Unfortunately most men will not resume the protective parent roll until they actually hold the baby in their arms. Only then they kind of realize 'oh yeah, this is MY baby'.

Give him some time, and talk about it a lot. it will work out x

 

[ruby2015]

Great advice here! It's so tricky. I found myself needing to offer my husband extra reassurance and physical contact in the weeks immediately after my positive pregnancy test- it can be quite a lonely time for them as it suddenly becomes all about the woman and the baby. My husband has always become very low in spirits if he hasn't had enough attention- I know, what a baby �� But it's quite sweet too- he's lovely. I'm sure you'll work it out. Take good care and congratulations!

 

[maryburton]

It's true that it's a shock for him. It would not be easy for him to get used to a totally new lifestyle, especially considering that you've only found out very recently. Give him some time, even though it's absoutely fine that you are frustrated. He will become a great loving father.