Anyone feel alone after failed IVF cycle/s? :(

[xMillie]

Has anyone been left feeling very alone after a bunch of failed cycles?

Just fed up of feeling so down and I can’t snap out of it. I feel really sad and alone..

The last time I spoke to the clinic was to tell them the test was a bfn at the end of our treatment.
It was two free cycles on the nhs and 1 frozen transfer.
There’s no aftercare at all.. And mentally I am not, and have not been, in a good place..


Just not sure where to turn really? What do you do when everything fails?



A paid cycle of IVF isn’t something we’re thinking of right now, or any tests or treatment really..

 

[phonixgirl]

Hi Millie. You're not alone as we are in the same position.

My husband can't take it especially.

Generally we go on a holiday that we wouldn't be able to afford with kids. We've even booked 2019's! Obviously I'd prefer to get pregnant... This FET was paid for but wasn't actually that expensive. Whether we do a back to back one or go to Serum, I don't know. It's so hard.

Did you have prog injections and have you checked your NK cells? Sorry lovely, I can't remember xxx

 

[xMillie]

Yes both my fet and last round of ivf I had progesterone injections along with pessaries. Had day 21 bloods a few cycles before the last fet and they said my levels are fine.

Nk cells is just one of the many options of tests.. just finding it hard. The thought of throwing any money at something that won’t work upsets me right now.

 

[1sttimer]

Hi Millie,

My heart goes out every time I see one of your posts. Have you tried reading the book 'Is my body baby friendly' by Dr Beer? (Sorry to always be 'have you tried this, have you tried that' but I just REALLY want this to work out for you.) I bought this book after my last MC and was so low but also determined not to be beaten (and it takes time to get back there!) - but it goes into EVERYTHING that could be possible in terms of infertility. Because of that it helps you rule out a lot of stuff so that you can think whether or not it might be worth testing (later of course if you want to) for those things that you might fit the bill for. Some of them are really easily solved once you know...it's just finding out! It's quite involved but I just read a few bits at a time and took from it what I needed to to help me think 'ok, that might be me...I'm going to look into it'. I later found out I was MTFHR positive and needed to take a whole host of different supplements, aspirin and obvs you know about that diet (cos I keep banging on about it!) xx

Alternativel, maybe take some time out - 6 months or so...as you're young, this kind of break wouldn't do you any harm but may just give you some fresh perspective. xx

 

[xMillie]

I’d love to give the book a read, maybe when I’m in the right place again, it’s something I’ll pick up.
(If I ever get there..)


I wouldn’t say we’re actively trying right now. I did do clear blue adv. digi opks this cycle but my heart wasn’t in it.. every morning I wondered why I was bothering and when I got the flashing smiley we dtd just once and I didn’t want to. Coming to the end of this cycle now and not bothering with opks next month.


I’m hoping I can bring myself to talk to my gp about low moods and feeling down.. but not sure they can help.

 

[phonixgirl]

Millie I feel the same. Not even my husband is on the same page xx

 

[xMillie]

My hubby is not either.

He doesn’t get sad about it and doesn’t understand why I do.


My week of feeling low has been topped off with a uti and I just noticed on my app my cycles are getting longer..

 

[tinselcat]

Hi Millie

The ivf units I've used before have a counsellor for failed ivf cycles, including the NHS overs, may be worth checking if available?

Must be hard with an unsupportive partner. I had that in the past and he was abusive with it too it's not really something that's easy to share with friends, and even friends who do share find it hard if the other couple then get pregnant.

Did the NHS give you any info about what if anything is not working? Feels like you're entitled to some information xx

 

[phonixgirl]

My hubby is the opposite. He takes it worse than I do so it just makes me feel even worse than I already do. He finds the disappointment SOOOO hard to deal with. I'm dreading OTD and wish I could just carry on like this, in complete ignorance lol...

He has said a few times before that he wants to stop ttc completely but I know he wants more than anything to be a dad. God it's so hard.

I think they have to have counselling available. We went once but they were sort of in between counsellors at the time and the lady wasn't great. My hubby has been through a lot in recent years (all this as well as his brother and cousin both dying suddenly and unexpectedly). He ended up talking about it when we went before which I thought was good but I don't think he was ready or wanted to so refused to go again.

He told in the clinic this time that he didn't want to go ahead so I'm not sure what we will do going forward. If it was up to me, i would carry on forever but he is right - it is affecting our relationship and we can't carry on forever. I'm not sure what we will do. I've got one frozen embryo left but I've used FIVE and got nowhere... xxx

 

[xMillie]

I’ll check with my GP about the counselling, though they may not have any idea. I was never offered the councelling once during my fet. It was never mentioned at all, I think they figured I didn’t want it because I didn’t want it during my fresh cycles.

There’s so much he won’t try or give up, not even for 1 month to just try. He just says because his SA have always been perfect it wouldn’t make a difference if he stopped having a few beers a week and drinking 4-5 cups of tea a day.

Nope, every follow up we had with the ivf clinic was a waste of time, they said everything was fine or appears to be fine.

 

[xMillie]

It is so hard.. I hope this is it for you Phonixgirl xx


I do wonder how couples carry on after giving up completely. There’s always going to be that something missing.

 

[Alexis2017]

I’ll check with my GP about the counselling, though they may not have any idea. I was never offered the councelling once during my fet. It was never mentioned at all, I think they figured I didn’t want it because I didn’t want it during my fresh cycles.

There’s so much he won’t try or give up, not even for 1 month to just try. He just says because his SA have always been perfect it wouldn’t make a difference if he stopped having a few beers a week and drinking 4-5 cups of tea a day.

Nope, every follow up we had with the ivf clinic was a waste of time, they said everything was fine or appears to be fine.

My DH is the same about trying/stopping stuff as his SA was excellent he won't recuse coffee intake...drink less alcohol or drink more water ... I don't get why its not worth a shot ! Small change over time can have huge benefits

Hope you can get some support and sending you hugs x

 

[xMillie]

Thanks Alexis xx

It sucks they won’t even just give it a go..

I’m not a tea/coffee drinker so I have no idea what it’s like but he won’t even try drinking one less cup a day and I’m sure he doesn’t drink enough water either!

 

[phonixgirl]

My DH is the same. He drinks alcohol and tea and eats loads of sugary stuff, plus he doesn't drink anywhere near enough water. It's so frustrating considering everything we do! Just because their sperm looks great doesn't mean it always is and couldn't be any better...

Counselling has definitely helped me in the past xx actually I wish he would try it again xx

 

[miamia]

My hubby is not either.

He doesn’t get sad about it and doesn’t understand why I do.

I am sorry, do hope he will start supporting you

 

[tigerpaws]

Just sending you a hug millie!