another year older...and still not a mum

[Kay Kay]

So I'm now 32. Never thought I would be this age and not have at least one child. Funny how life works out eh. I've been feeling pretty positive lately but today I had a set back. My mum (who doesn't know we are ttc) pulled out a johnsons baby box and told me she was going to give it to my cousin who has a new baby but she already has enough to give her. She then said 'well I thought I would keep it for you but...' Then laughed. I instantly teared up. It totally took me by surprise, I was so hurt and felt so utterly useless. My mum would never say anything to purposefully hurt me but it was just so thoughtless. She has already dropped plenty of hints about babies though, the last time was some casual comment whilst we were walking round m&s that I should be taking folic acid! I snapped her head off and I thought she would get the hint that it wasn't a subject I wanted to talk about. Clearly she didn't after today. Hubby and i have decided to tell her after I've had the hsg in a few months. Wondering if I should just bite the bullet and tell her now? The thought of it makes me want to cry though. Anyone else had issues telling their mum about ttc?

 

[Christelle]

Hi Kay Kay,

I've been there with my whole family, my sister's got 3 kids, and as time went on that i was leaving with my partner and planning getting married, they all started to talk baby and how it'd be marvellous if i was pregnant then my sis and cousin would share stuff with me ... etc.

One day i just bursted in tears in front of everyone, explained to them that i had been diagnosed with a severe case of PCOS and was told that i would not be able to conceive naturally and even with treatment i'd only face 5 to 15% chance of success. They even gave the adoption docs !!! ;(

That was a very rough time for me, but everything changed that day, they all been more supportive and toughtfull !

Go ahead, don't keep this on your shoulder, because it's not easy and no one should be facing this alone.

All the best to you !!!

 

[Sparkl3ymel]

Hey hunni

Its not easy at all and at 34 i totally understand. I always assumed i would have a baby or two by now.

I was with my husband for 9 yrs and never got a sniff of a pos pg test x

Have been with my partner for 4 yrs and we have been tryin for almost 3 yrs x

We had a mc in june this yr which was awful as you can imagine x

We had uss and bloods and they say i should just get pg despite having pcos x

We are ntnp as this is the only way i can cope with not getting onsessive again x

We WILL get there and it will happen and we will be amazing mums cos we worked so hard for it x x

Chin up and feel free to pm me anytime

Love and dust x x


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[LouiseB]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Sorry, I couldn't resist - is important to remember what we do have

I'm in the same situation as you in the I'm contemplating announcing that we are infertile, mainly because I think it's starting to become pretty obvious...

I'm sorry that your mum unwittingly says things that upset you but I don't think that will change until you have your own child. Someone will always say something that makes you sad BUT at least if you tell your mum you can get her support as well as suffer the hurt.

She's your mum. She loves you and she'll do anything to help you out. Give her a chance - it can't get worse

 

[Kay Kay]

Thank you ladies

The funny thing with me and my mum is we are always trying to protect each others feelings. When my dad died we never cried in front of each other, or talked about how much pain we were in. I would cry in front of my OH and my mum had her friends to confide in. So it's a hard subject to broach esp cos I know how much she wants us to have kids, I'm scared of upsetting her

Louise, thanks for the bday wish. Can I ask who have you chosen to tell about your journey? I can imagine it would be hard to go through IVF and keep that secret. You're right about someone always saying something hurtful, it's just 10x worse when it's my mum. I know the only way to stop it happening is to tell her. I just need to find the courage

 

[BabyBrain]

Throughout the whole 10 years of my ttc my mum would throw little comments in like "you next" or "I need another grandchild to keep me occupied"....her best one was "you make a lovely auntie"

When I told her I was pregnant she was over the moon and when I mentioned how long it had taken us she said "well that's why I never mentioned it" I didn't know whether to cry or slap her lol. I think sometimes, like kids, mum's know we still love them no matter what they say. I never really told my mum how much it all upset me during ttc, watching her going soppy over my sisters kids, so I can't really blame her for putting her foot in it, but it certainly didn't help at the time xxxxxxxxx

 

[LouiseB]

My dad and hubby's mum+dad are the only family who knows and is upto date.

My mum and brother know but don't know where we are upto or what is going on. I would tell my brother more but out of fairness to my sister don't. My mum turned out to be too opinionated so she's out the loop.

My sister doesn't know and my sister in law doesn't know.

I don't want everyone in the families to know - it always has a habit of becoming about them.

We have told a few close friends but they don't have any contact with other friends or family

 

[Kay Kay]

My dad and hubby's mum+dad are the only family who knows and is upto date.

My mum and brother know but don't know where we are upto or what is going on. I would tell my brother more but out of fairness to my sister don't. My mum turned out to be too opinionated so she's out the loop.

My sister doesn't know and my sister in law doesn't know.

I don't want everyone in the families to know - it always has a habit of becoming about them.

We have told a few close friends but they don't have any contact with other friends or family

Sounds like you have been smart about it. It's a tricky one but at least you have some family that know and can be sensitive to the subject xxx

 

[Kay Kay]

Throughout the whole 10 years of my ttc my mum would throw little comments in like "you next" or "I need another grandchild to keep me occupied"....her best one was "you make a lovely auntie"

When I told her I was pregnant she was over the moon and when I mentioned how long it had taken us she said "well that's why I never mentioned it" I didn't know whether to cry or slap her lol. I think sometimes, like kids, mum's know we still love them no matter what they say. I never really told my mum how much it all upset me during ttc, watching her going soppy over my sisters kids, so I can't really blame her for putting her foot in it, but it certainly didn't help at the time xxxxxxxxx

I know what you mean babybrain, mums eh! Looking at it from her point of view it must be hard not to just come out and ask me and in all fairness she hasn't done that. It's the little digs and comments like you say...love the 'you make a lovely auntie' line! lol! I see the way my mum looks at me when i'm playing with my niece and nephew as if to say 'wouldn't it be nice if they were yours'...or maybe it's just me who thinks that Cos I love them to bits! My brother has no idea how lucky he is, he's always moaning 'poor me'!!! Thing is my mum tells me my bro is jealous of ME! Cos we can afford a bigger house than him and go on holidays when he struggles with money. Ach, none of us are ever happy are we! xxx

 

[Drummers_wife]

I've been open with my family about it all cos I need their support but bite me on arse now- my sisters pregnant with no 2 and no1 knows what to say to me!! Jus lots of pitty looks and I get ohh it will happen eventually and I say no it won't I may never have children if you all deal with that it'll be easier for me to!!

Most hurtfull thing-- couldn't actually believe she said it -- my sister I'll be a surrogate before I'll let u not have any children!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just cos she's sooooo fucking fertile!!! I could carry my own fucking baby If only I could get pregnant!!

I don't talk to family about it much anymore and they try not to say things in a stupid way xx

 

[Drummers_wife]

Happy birthday Kay Kay xx

 

[maybe baby]

Happy Birthday for yesterday Hun!

I have told my Mum and she still doesn't get why I'm not chuffed about SIL having a 4th!

In hindsight it's good to tell as few people as possible but I have to tell most people as I don't drink in the 2WW and keep getting offered alcohol!

xx

 

[Kay Kay]

Happy Birthday for yesterday Hun!

I have told my Mum and she still doesn't get why I'm not chuffed about SIL having a 4th!

In hindsight it's good to tell as few people as possible but I have to tell most people as I don't drink in the 2WW and keep getting offered alcohol!

xx

I know what you mean about alcohol, I had to eventually say to my friends if I'm not drinking don't start the whole 'is Kay Kay pregnant?' conversation! There's just a 2 week period every month when I don't know if I'm prg it not! They get it now and are actually really good about it even though I hardly ever talk about it to them.

That's crazy your SIL is having a fourth if they can't afford it! Some folk font even think about their money situation they just want a child and have one regardless! (oh if only it were that easy for the rest if us eh!) Xxx

 

[Gizzy Kelly]

Hi Kay Kay

I think you should just tell your parents. It has been over 2 years since we have been trying (I am 32 and hubby is 34) and we got so tired of all the hints and comments that everyone would make we just told them what was going on. My hubbys parents felt dreadful that they had been hinting at being grandparents soon and since then everyone has been really supportive.

I know you are prob sick of hearing this but it will be your turn one day.

Hugs

Love Gizzy xxxxxx

 

[Kay Kay]

Hi Kay Kay

I think you should just tell your parents. It has been over 2 years since we have been trying (I am 32 and hubby is 34) and we got so tired of all the hints and comments that everyone would make we just told them what was going on. My hubbys parents felt dreadful that they had been hinting at being grandparents soon and since then everyone has been really supportive.

I know you are prob sick of hearing this but it will be your turn one day.

Hugs

Love Gizzy xxxxxx

Thanks doll It's funny, my hubby will be 34 in a few weeks so we're all the same ages!

I haven't even considered telling the in laws but suppose we will have to eventually. They're not too bad with hints, I think cos my MIL had a few mc's years ago so she is sensitive to the subject. What she does do is tell us about every single person she knows that's having a baby, I'm like thinking 'I'M NOT INTERESTED IN RANDOM PEOPLE'S BABIES!' lol Funny, it doesn't annoy my OH

I will put my wee mama in the picture after my xray. There's no more tests after that, just treatment, so figure that will be a good time. I'll keep you posted xxx