Am I selfish?

[riotfox]

I feel like I'm starting to become an irrational mother already.

I was talking to my MIL yesterday and I was talking about the baby and bottle feeding and how it will be nice for OH to join in with the feeding. She then added in and me and your mother. I really like my MIL but I don't want anybody apart from me and the OH feeding baby. It's really nice that they want to play a part in the baby's life but I want me and OH to have that special bonding time. Nobody else would be able to feed him if I had chosen to breast feed.

I keep having thoughts like this about little niggly things. I can't even remember them now. I just feel that I am starting to become a clingy mum. It must just be my hormones. I really want other people involved in my baby's life but then I also want family time with just me, OH and baby.

xxx

 

[Piglet10]

hey i am gonna play devil's advocate, BUT dont bite the hand that feeds you because you will be soo glad of a little help when bubba comes!! my family r more supportive than DH's and i wish his family would take more of an active role for Madisons sake!! xxx

 

[pinkymum]

I tend to agree with piglet, I think we'll be glad of the break. But I can understand where you're coming from. If they want to help that's good but you wouldn't want them to become overbearing. Try and set your own boundaries, it wouldn't be all the time would it? And I'm sure you'll be doing the majority of feeding yourself. Try not to stress hun, things will fall into place
X

 

[nmf1987]

i kinda agree with you hun. oh keeps saying about his niece coming over as she will like to help out with feeding etc. now this is going to sound horrible but his nieces and nephew do my head in and after 10 minutes iv'e had enough of them.

plus she is 11. im sorry but no she will not be helping with the baby she is a child.

feel horrible but although people say you will want help etc i am quite an anxious person and can't cope with people surrounding me all the time. his family unfortunately are very fussing all the time. his mum doesn't leave his sisters kids alone and takes over alot.

will not be happening with our lo. xxx

(sorry ranting)

 

[bethx]

Id say the same as the others, dont completely get one or the other way in your head just see how it goes.. sometimes when you tooo tired or just want to sit down and have something to eat for 5 minutes someone else feeding baby can feel like a lovely break. As babys always seem to be hungry when you are lol... Also dont worry Im sure you will get all the night feeds and most of the daytime to yourself but try not to push people out too much even if you dont mean too

 

[Merfairy]

hey, can understand how you feel; I plan to breast feed, but OH will have to bottle (of course)... I think you may appreciate the guidance, but be honest if you feel your mothering is being taken over after all, you have to bring baby up for the next so many years hun xx

 

[Constantstar]

I know what u mean Hun wanting it to be just u and your oh. I'm going to be breast feeding if I can get the hang of it so baby won't rebottle fed loads but I will share the experience of bottle feeding with them as its both sides first grandson and also when I go back to work il need help! X

 

[riotfox]

I will definitely appreciate the help as I love my in-laws They have done so much for us. I think it is my hormones at the minute going wild and over protective. Also, I'm so used to carrying him around in my belly and it being just me and him. xx

 

[cherelle]

Riotfox i totally understand how you feel. I can see my MIL coming round every day and wanting to hold him all the time etc and although i may appreciate the help and shes a lovely woman - i want time with just myself my OH and the baby - especially in the early days.

I also have other worries though as my OHs sister is 23 and she has learning difficulties and epilepsy and is very shaky because of her meds but shes expecting to hold the baby too - im going to be a nervous wreck but i dont feel like i can say that she cant hold him

 

[nmf1987]

that is my problem with oh niece cherelle. she is 11 and has these blackouts which at the moment are unexplained.

i have been making excuses since they started as to why she cant come and stay etc. how can i let her do stuff for baby.

she also has learning difficulties and i know its horrible but she isnt my child and im fed up of her mum trying to palm her off on everyone else cos she can't cope with her. she has 2 other children but they are from a different dad to shannon and cos of that shannon gets left out all the time. but it's not my job to make her feel included. xxx

 

[riotfox]

Thanks Cherelle, that made me feel better. I think families just get really excited and forget you may want time alone as well. OH has 2 weeks off so I'm hoping all the visitors will come in the first week and we will get some time to ourselves the second week.

Maybe you could be right next to your OH's sister and kind of hold him at the same time or you could be one side and your OH on the other side. xx

 

[cherelle]

Yes i think we are just going to have to make sure shes sat back on the sofa and sandwiched between us but im still going to be so nervous, she doesnt have any co ordination and opften doesnt understand how much force shes using - even now she sometimes pats my stomach very roughly and i get a bit scared but its very awkward. Obviously her mum just wants her to be treated as an equal but we have to think about the baby's safety too.

Nmf1987 i think you just have to be very careful and try to set down rules in the begginning really.

Im hoping the same Riotfox - that after the first week we might get some time to ourselves. I wont hesitate to tell my OH if im getting sick of constant visitors - i think its up to our OHs to protect us from a constant stream of people xx

 

[teampc]

i have been laying the ground work already for making everyone realise I wont want them all around all the time when baby is first here lol

i know mil is going to want to be here all the time and will be telling me how to do things, and to be honest I cant be doing with it

so i have started making comments about it, and how much we will want time to ourselves when baby arrives etc, my thinking is, then if they still come round when they arent wanted we will already have laid the ground work for telling them to bugger off (as nicely as possible obviously)

I dont think you are being selfish, I think you just need to set boundaries and make sure people understand them

 

[riotfox]

I think I will sit down with the OH and agree some rules for visits and visitors e.g. what we are happy visitors to do/not to do etc. We will both know what we both expect then. xx

 

[PinkPanther]

I can only echo what the others have said. Sometimes when you've had a rough night with baby its nice for someone else to come in and offer to feed baby for you. Just so that you can sit and relax. Of course there must be boundaries though, you don't want MIL turning up every day to feed baby but every now and then will be a welcome relief for you.

 

[clairebear22]

I don't think you're being selfish hun but you will defo appreciate any help you can get from other family members and friends. I'm planning on breast feeding but I will happily accept help with other things, especially if i'm knackered! x

 

[nmf1987]

i defo want to set rules for visitors. i want the 3 of us to have time. obviously i want everyone to see him etc but they will have to call 1st and if i dont want them here they will be told no.

i will have to crack down on some people as i have a funny feelng they will just appear when they want. xxx

 

[Cantstop]

I also want to have just time for me, OH and baby, am feeling a bit resentful about having to have visitors straight away - if I still really feel this way after she comes I'm just going to make people wait before visiting.

Regarding the feeding, I totally understand you feeling like that at first while you're getting yourself sorted and settled, but think once the novelty has worn off a bit after a few weeks/months you may feel differently. I am planning on breast feeding and I'd never thought about this as an issue, but it's a definite plus in the trying to breast feed column - gives me essential sole control over feeding without making me look like a bitch!

I also have a definite ring before turning up rule, and am definitely not going to answer the door to random turn-upperers, that'll teach them to ring first My main worry is my Nana - she only lives round the corner and since losing my mam recently me and the baby are her sole focus and though I understand that, I can't be doing with her all the time or just turning up etc. She's so desperate to be involved in everything and while it's making me really uncomfortable now and apprehensive about how to keep her away so we can find out feet, I need to remember in a few weeks or months or whenever I'll probably be really keen to leave the baby with her for an hour here or there for stuff - it's just so hard to know how things are going to go! Most important is that you feel happy though!

 

[Lou_1]

im already annoyed at the thought of visitors already to lol my ohs family dnt visit our house much at the moment so will be interesting to see how that changes when the little guy is here.x

 

[teampc]

oh i am already starting to suffer from random visitors, the doctor has been working from home now and since everyone found out I seem to get a lot of random visits in the day

The thing is, at the moment I am working, so if i have to take half an hour out for a cuppa with a random then I have to work that much longer, they wouldnt just turn up to my office why on earth are they doing it here lol

I have started keeping the door locked and making it look like im not in, just so I dont have to answer the door if I dont want to lol