Am I selfish?

[riotfox]

oh i am already starting to suffer from random visitors, the doctor has been working from home now and since everyone found out I seem to get a lot of random visits in the day

The thing is, at the moment I am working, so if i have to take half an hour out for a cuppa with a random then I have to work that much longer, they wouldnt just turn up to my office why on earth are they doing it here lol

I have started keeping the door locked and making it look like im not in, just so I dont have to answer the door if I dont want to lol

That can't be good when you are trying to work. Maybe you need a sign on the door that says working, please come back later.

 

[riotfox]

I also want to have just time for me, OH and baby, am feeling a bit resentful about having to have visitors straight away - if I still really feel this way after she comes I'm just going to make people wait before visiting.

Regarding the feeding, I totally understand you feeling like that at first while you're getting yourself sorted and settled, but think once the novelty has worn off a bit after a few weeks/months you may feel differently. I am planning on breast feeding and I'd never thought about this as an issue, but it's a definite plus in the trying to breast feed column - gives me essential sole control over feeding without making me look like a bitch!

I also have a definite ring before turning up rule, and am definitely not going to answer the door to random turn-upperers, that'll teach them to ring first My main worry is my Nana - she only lives round the corner and since losing my mam recently me and the baby are her sole focus and though I understand that, I can't be doing with her all the time or just turning up etc. She's so desperate to be involved in everything and while it's making me really uncomfortable now and apprehensive about how to keep her away so we can find out feet, I need to remember in a few weeks or months or whenever I'll probably be really keen to leave the baby with her for an hour here or there for stuff - it's just so hard to know how things are going to go! Most important is that you feel happy though!

I definitely agree with you about in a couple of months time it would be nice to get a break for an hour or so. I think after a couple of months it would be nice for me and OH to us time for an hour but until then it would be nice just to get to know each other and get into our own routines. xx

 

[PinkPanther]

I think I will sit down with the OH and agree some rules for visits and visitors e.g. what we are happy visitors to do/not to do etc. We will both know what we both expect then. xx

This is the bit that I'm dreading. When DD1 was born, I didn't have 2 minutes to myself for nearly 2 full weeks. I was knackered and exhausted and it felt as though the visitors stayed all day. In fact some of them stayed right through lunch time and tea time and I ended up making them something to eat too.

I drew a line with DD2, there was no way nobody was getting let in without ringing first. It was so much more relaxed and chilled and I could let people in on my terms.

I'm doing the same again this time. Appointments only on my terms

 

[Cantstop]

Grrr! My MIL has just rang, got my back up straight away by saying how she wants to 'get this baby all over and done with' (!) because FIL has booked them a couple of days in Scotland over my due date. I pointed out it won't matter anyway since even if I'm in hospital over those couple of days (won't be after this as they won't let me go over) I won't be having visitors, and she said 'oh no, when Jenny (other grandkid) was born at 5 to 8 I was there for 9'. Soon as hubby got home I've got him in agreement we'll not be telling them anything until we are settled at home. Ha. Stick that in your pipe n smoke it, oh no in-fucking-deed. I feel dead now. But we are in agreement that we'll only be telling my dad and brother when I go into hospital so they can sort out my dog and cat, because (as men perhaps, perhaps just as people with boundaries!) they won't be bursting to get to the hospital and will wait to be invited!

 

[Froslass]

I understand what you mean riotfox x I don't think you're being selfish, but I think as long as there's a balance between people helping out a bit and wanting to be there all the time you'll be ok xx

Its OHs family I'm dreading....MIL has booked here annual holiday for the 10th of October, and I'm hoping to god I go overdue so she won't be here, how bad is that! X OHs wee brother is a wee shite sometimes, and I'm really worried about him holding the baby x he's nine, and acts about 3, is attention seeking, very very cheeky, and MIL actively encourages it! She thinks it's cute that when there are a bunch of adults in the room he shouts over everyone and stuff ! He thinks I'm having this baby for him and actually stated "I'll be taking the baby to show my friends when it's born" - I was like "eh, no. " and he started crying and mil told me off!! OH and I have decided he won't be holding baby at the hospital, but once were home and settled and I'm less stressed about him throwing baby about...

I sound so mean slanting off a nine year old, but I swear he's a terror!! X

 

[nadine]

Don't forget there are 24hours in your babys days, n he/ she will want feeding cuddling changing entertaining ever 3/4 hours on av..... For people thinking they won't get much bonding time with just oh baby n them, you get loads n all help as long as it is help will be welcome- trust me, as for 11 year olds helping out n this person satin this etc you will find lots of people telling u they will help n do this n that but when babys here u prob find u only see em once or twice b4 novelty weres off hahaha x x x as for grandparents helping think it's great n in months/ years to come u will be glad ur children have nice bonds with them were u trust them too x

 

[riotfox]

It just sounds like we will need to get a balance going. Thanks ladies for all of your opinions. xx

 

[purplehippy]

I can certainly say, laying the groundrules is good and re special needs kids holding babies etc, deffo get them on the sofa and stay with them.

My mum came over and arrived 20 mins after Kaya was born, I'd meant her to be around earlier but this was ok. She stayed one night once K and I came home, then went, and then K's dad's mum came and stayed one or two nights - can't remember now.

Was useful because they both kept their distance, but both were there in the night when we were exasperated. Then they were all gone. We were fine on our own. But his effing nan just would not stop showing up all the time.

We'd been told to put a note on the door with her birth details on, and saying to please respect our wishes and give us some space, and for postman to knock quietly etc, and everyone was great about that (except the nan).

This time won't be the same...........

It'll be quieter!

Planning on boobfeeding but have got the Medela Swing, and if I am successful at the boob, I will still want to express sometimes - for OH to give a feed, and for when eventually I need to pop out without baby. But I don't just want everyone doing everything - not in the beginning, you don't get that time back. If people want to help, they can make some food, tidy, hoover for you etc - helping should mean making sure you get the quality of time you need with the baby, or they can watch baby while you get some sleep in. Ultimately, you get to decide who is there when and for how long and for what reason if it's for helping.

Your baby.

You will feel you don't want to share your baby, I didn't want to, but I just did what I thought was right at the time. I know I want to show her off, but I don't want her being taken off me and then walked round people with me trailing behind and her being handed round without my say!

I totally get you.

 

[riotfox]

Purplehippy - That's a good idea to give them another job to do to make them feel like they are still doing something. xx

 

[xx emma xx]

I can see where your coming from riotfox. I got a bit annoyed a few months back when my mil decided to buy bottles and a sterilising kit, she bought it meaning well but I had already bought the brand that I want to use and told her there's no point in her keeping it really. But she has kept it for her house as if baby is going to be there for long days. If I was to take baby over I would have a bottle prepared. I have a feeling she will be over here non stop and although I will appreciate the help, she is a lot to take, I can handle an hour max with her and then she becomes over bearing.
She said to me the other day that she was in trying to get me thankyou cards to give out when baby is born. I have actually already been looking online at ordering some and would like to choose my own!
My in laws are lovely and mean well but really are over bearing and can be too much so I'm going to ask my OH if it would be ok for them to call before popping up.
My OH has new job so will likely only get the days off that I'm in hospital so we won't get much time ourselves. Xx

 

[purplehippy]

Purplehippy - That's a good idea to give them another job to do to make them feel like they are still doing something. xx

It was drummed into me when I was pregnant with Kaya. Cuz a lot of us laydees do a lot round the house and when we stop for baby, nothing gets done.

I will be mental as hell (more so than I am already) if the place gets cluttered and needs hoovering, as it makes me uncomfortable.

 

[Nanc]

I totally see why people are worried about families with their babies. I know they are all just excited and want to help but I feel the same as many of you, that some family members may not be up to doing the looking after and also wouldn't want them to do certain duties, such as feeding. I am a bit worried about my in laws as they are so out of touch with present day parenting, and in addition, they are stubborn and don't take instructions well. I stopped them looking after our dog two years ago because they just wouldn't do what I asked them to! She is old and I asked them not to walk her for more than 20 mins slowly. They used to walk her so long and have her chasing balls, so that she could bearly walk for three days after each time they looked after her! My OH had to carry her up and down stairs for days as her legs couldn't cope.... but they wouldn't have it and kept doing it. How will I ever trust them to look after my child how I want them to?!

 

[riotfox]

I do think families get so excited that they don't think. That sounds annoying Nanc that they didn't listen to you. I hope they listen to you about the baby otherwise you will just have to give them it straight. xx

 

[Nanc]

I know Hun, it could be awkward but I'm sure we will all be fine. I guess part of having kids is also managing your child's carers. God I have really been letting off steam today! I'm not normally an angry person! lol