Am i over-reacting??

[SamStevens]

Me and my hubby had a conversation last night that really upset me and I want to know if my hormones over-reacted or whether I was right to be upset.
We were led in bed talking about possible names, and he wasnt really showing that much interest.
I jokingly said to him 'dont you love your baby?'
His reply was 'no of course not. I havnt even met it yet'.
I got really upset and starting arguing that although he couldnt see it, it was there and growing and a big part of us.
He just kept saying he doesnt feel anything for it yet, but is sure he will when he holds it.
I know its hard for men to connect, but this really upset me.
Did I over-react?

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'd have been really upset too but it's so hard for men to feel any sort of connection at first, as to them everything is just the same as it was before - as much as they may desperately want to have a baby, as far as they're concerned they don't yet. Mine was the same - although I'd probably had love punched him for actually saying that to me - but once he started seeing them move and being kicked in the back in bed while I slept it all started to feel more real to him. They seem to see things as they are now rather than picturing how they'll be in a few months, and I find that hard to understand but I think they find us hard to understand too

 

[SamStevens]

Thanks.
I know it must be difficult for him as all he sees at this stage is me being tired all the time.
Maybe it will be different when he sees the scan.

 

[JensBump]

I think the scans make a big difference - since the 12 week scan DH has seemed much more interested in discussing baby issues - once he sees the LO on screen it will seem more real

 

[Geminiblue]

its not difficult for men its difficult for us hey!!!! My OH is very unemotional and practical his dad and his twin are the same. He felt nothing really towards my unborn child UNTIL he was here and the love grew and he is quite possibly the best dad. He asks me every night "so hows the boy been today, how funny has he been?"

It will change I promise. He is the same with the baby Im carrying now and thats even after we were told I was in early menopause and couldnt have anymore. Then I had this miracle pregnancy.... he was like "oh er right thats kinda cool" ha ha honestly!!! xxx

 

[roxane 1985]

men find it alot harder to connect,nobody will ever love a child more than its mother, but men tend get left out a bit

things like scans and feeling the babymove make it more realistic for them but until then it will be hard for them to connect with something that they cant experience if you get me xx

 

[netty]

dont take it to heart hunny seriously my fella has aspergers and he says shit like tht all the time he doenst mean it like you think, he would call it being logical we r just far more nurturing from day 1 seeing as it is us that carrys the passenger, he will love the baby hunny xx

 

[lrb]

I feel terrible now, I feel the same as your oh.. Maybe it's cause when I saw it on scan it was 8 weeks and kinda a blob, and with being sick n in hospital I'm not enjoying it. I Waited so long for this baby but I don't yet have feelings for it, does that make me a bad person? :/

 

[netty]

awww lrb of course not, i dont really feel attached yet i havent had a scan so when i see a person in there i m sure it will come. I dont get all gooey over my bump yet its not being bad person lol awwww hugs for you all you silly buggers

 

[lrb]

Glad I'm not alone, but feel terrible. Hoping when I have 12 week scan I'll feel more attached, oh is very attached and so excited. I'm not really at all:/ x

 

[JJ Mum]

Don't worry you may get frustrated about this one all the way through, but when baby arrives - what a difference!! If it's not happening to him, he can't feel it, once baby kicks and he can feel your belly from the outside- that's cool- but unfortunately mine hated that bit, thought it was a bit sick... so when baby arrived he was all lovely dovey so i'm sure If all else fails on d-day - My husband had baby first in theatre this time as I was unwell and wow what a difference that made too, he has really super bonded with baby, which he puts down to that special moment he had , talks about it all the time- so might be worth it, worth waiting an extra 10 mins in my book!

 

[Geminiblue]

WHen my little boy was born I had an over whelming feeling of protectiveness but NOT love. It was odd, I would have lay my life down to protect him but not love....then it hit, it felt like my universe had shifted/ stopped and I still get it now. I watch him and I dont think he is the most handsome, brightest, best child, but my soul breaks when I watch him laugh or his curls blow in the wind or concentration on his face when he tries to make cakes and gets egg everywhere. I hope this helps xxx

 

[Sleepy sue]

Omg Gemini that's beautiful x

 

[SamStevens]

Thanks guys.
Feel a bit better about it all now.
I already love my little baby more than I ever thought possible at this stage!

 

[BevG]

i dont feel much for mine either. its not real until i can see or feel it. men are a lot like this, it is quite logical and detatched but its just a factual viewpoint, its like asking someone why they do or dont love god...

 

[twinkles]

I asked my hubby the same question as you did after reading this and he said he doesnt love baby yet, he said at the scan he will prob realise that there is an actual baby growning but at the moment all is just as it was before! So not just ur hubby hun!!!x

 

[SamStevens]

I know its hard for them but they want to try going through what we are!
They just wouldn't cope!

 

[twinkles]

Your right there hun!!!x