Am I over-reacting?? :'(

[SoonToBeMrs]

I've just found out that my OH has planned a couple of weekends away with his mates from a BMW car group online.. and the dates fall around the date I am due (late April, early May) I went mad.. not only because of the dates.. but because he was so inconsiderate and didn't even discuss it with me first! I found out because I saw the event list print-out on the desk with a map of directions etc.. it's like he planned it all and without any consideration for me or the fact that I am going to be expecting then!!

Sorry for moaning.. this has really upset me..

 

[hellie123]

That's not very good!! What did he say when you said you weren't very happy?

My OH boss said he is arranging a trip to France for us all in Feb/March (I am due in March) I said to his boss you do know I am having a baby don't you!!! These men!!!!!

 

[chaya5738]

You are definitely not overreacting. That is pretty shocking to be honest.

I have suggested to my husband that he has a weekend away with friends before the baby is born since we don't know when they can do that again. But definitely not near the due date and definitely not without discussing it as a team first.

Are you sure he is going though? Perhaps he hasn't told you because he has only been invited but not going?

One tip, tell him you are UPSET not that you are angry. Works better for me and limits the extent to which OHs can become defensive.

 

[Kittykins]

I don't think you're overreacting at all. Is he taking the p*ss? My DH has cleared his diary of all social things for 3 weeks either side of the EDD and told his secretary that on no account can he do any overseas trips, evening events, etc - and to warn any clients that meetings scheduled during the day in that period may be cancelled at short notice!

I think your OK is taking you for granted. You've posted a couple of things recently where I've thought that but felt it was none of my business, but this is the icing on the cake. I'd be giving him a big kick up the backside - and if he didn't buck up his ideas, out the door... sounds like you're not getting much from him at the moment, in terms of financial, emotional or practical support.

 

[Mama 2 Be]

NO you are NOT over - reacting! How rude! Around your due date? Is he mental??

To hell with him not asking you - I'd be more annoyed about the dates.

Talk to him and tell him the obvious problem - bet he replies with 'Oh ooops, sorry I didn't think.'

Because lets face it men never do do they!

 

[Chopsie]

I agree with the others - you're not over-reacting at all. I'd be miffed if my OH planned a weekend away without talking to me about it first anyway, let alone one near my due date.

He may not be being deliberately inconsiderate, but he isn't thinking about you at all when making his plans - and that's not on under any circumstances, but especially given that you're carrying his child.

What did he say when you spoke to him about it? I presume he's cancelled, right?

 

[noodle1]

I'd be upset about that too. My OH is having a weekend away with some work mates before the new baby is born but certainly not around the due date. Men are crap aren't they, they just don't think.

 

[Potbelijo]

Maybe he didn't even realise the dates. I know our due dates are the most important things in the world to us, but a lot of guys are happy to just let us worry about that.

My OH often goes away on distance mountain biking events, I've given him a few gentle reminders that he won't be going anywhere on our due weekend.

 

[SoonToBeMrs]

I confronted him about it calmly this morning on the way to work in the car and he reacted by shouting at me and telling me that I am controlling and he's never allowed to do what he wants. I told him to stop shouting because the baby can hear sounds and it's no good if all she can hear is shouting.. he is definately going, or at least he's told his mates that he is. He said he can easily pull out of it if needs be but that just isn't the point.

What on earth happened to "Sorry guys, not sure if I'll make it or not. Better just count me out of it anyway seeing as my daughter is due around that time.. maybe in the summer?"???

Or at least "Honey, the boys and me were thinking about having a couple of get-to-gethers but the dates we've arranged are a little close to due date.. let me know what you suggest.. I don't have to go.. just a suggestion." Argh! I wasn't angry with him when I confronted him.. and I told him that I was upset.. and now I'm sat at work wondering what the hell I'm going to say to him later.. I don't want to argue with him but he can be so selfish sometimes! He's only been this god damn selfish since he became obsessed with his BMW and the BMW group he has joined online. I don't want him to seem like a bad person but I feel so unimportant.

 

[CoreysMummy]

No, your not over reacting...!! Well, it depends how far away hes going to be... but still, he should have consulted you!!

I went to a Car show the week before I was due LOL... took my hospital bag, took the car seat, and stayed in the Hilton while everyone else camped at the show!! But that was both of us... still if OH had wanted to go and I didnt, then id of let him...! BUT we'd of discussed it 1st...

 

[SoonToBeMrs]

I don't mind him going.. he can go.. he's always gone to events in the past.. and he knows the due date.. he knows it well.. sometimes he has to remind ME! But he didn't even ask me, consult me, speak to me about it.. or even tell me about it after he had arranged it. I don't know when he was thinking of telling me...

 

[allycat]

You're not over-reacting at all! In fact I think he's actually pretty selfish to book something when he knows that will be the time you could go into labour! Fair enough he wants to go away for a weekend, but if the dates dont fit in with baby's due date then it's tough luck! The least he could have done was discuss it with you first and not just assume you'd be ok with it. I think he obviously thinks he's going if he has the driving directions printed!

 

[Chopsie]

Oh my Lord - I can't believe his reaction! It's not that you object to him going away, it's his choice of dates that's the problem, how is that you 'being controlling'??? It sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into thinking YOU'RE the unreasonable one - and it seems to be working.

Try and explain to him how much this has upset you, and how much you want him to be there to see his daughter being born, and how much scarier it would be without his support (I mean, what if you need to be rushed into hospital and he's not there to take you in his precious BMW - or would he be too worried you might give birth on his upholstery - sorry, I don't know the guy, it's just my pregnancy hormones running wild )

The point is, you're not being unreasonable, and he needs to understand that. Maybe you should just find an alternative birth partner - a friend or relative perhaps? That way at least if he does still go away (which he totally should NOT imo) you won't have the worry of not having someone with you. But I'm sure he'll see sense once his ego had recovered...

 

[CoreysMummy]

yup, n thats exactly the point!! When was he going to inform u ...? Just before he left...? As he was on his way there..?

LOL, men there just a different breed sometimes!! We'll never understand how they work!!

 

[noodle1]

Completely agree with you, there was no reason for him to react in that way. He should have spoken to you about it before he said yes to ask your thoughts, don't know about you but if it was me I probably would have said yes but on the understanding that he will cancel if he needs to. Sounds like he is being very selfish.

 

[ShineyHappyPeople]

Why on earth did he arrange to go away when your due?? Your certainly not over reacting, I would be so mad too. Put your foot down and say that you'll need him at home around that time - not only incase you go into labour but to help you out with things that need done.

 

[Mama 2 Be]

Bad response What is wrong with these men??!?!

The 'E' part of the EDD says it all. They may well give you a date but I'm sure I read somewhere that only 10-20% of babies arrive on that date (sorry if I've just upset anyone who didn't know that! )

Therefore Boys: make sure your ass is about during the few weeks around this date.

How blinking painful is it going to be for him NOT to go?

You might be too big to drive and stuff and then what are you supposed to do without his help?? (Well,, that's not strictly true as loads of single mum's cope better than ones with partners but that's not the point! )

 

[SoonToBeMrs]

Lol you guys are so funny.. you had me chuckling and you've cheered me up.

I'm gonna bury my head in work and not think about it until later I think.. maybe he'll come crawling back with his tail between his legs..

Thanks for your support ladies.. I probably would have throttled the man by now if it wasn't for this wonderful forum!



And Mama.. he has two children from a previous partner.. he knows how the EDD thing works.. he's just an inconsiderate ******* at times.

 

[Mama 2 Be]

And Mama.. he has two children from a previous partner.. he knows how the EDD thing works.. he's just an inconsiderate b*****d at times.

Sorry are we talking about your OH or mine??

That's it chin up girl and when you get in tonight calmly tell him he's not going, end of subject. Honestly men are just like children

 

[ella]

When I had my son my hubbie still went out right up to the end, we went out for his birthday 2 weeks before I was due and he got annoyed because I wanted to come home at 1 am, he wanted to stay out - I was raging thinking I had done amazingly well to stay out that late at 38 weeks, he was being selfish - it never really clicked with him that we were having a baby until he was literally handed the baby. Im not making excuses for your OH but some men just dont get it.

He is better this time (well a bit anyway )