Am I not suitable to be a mom?

[Hope81]

I had a mmc 2 weeks ago, for blighted ovum. Yes I felt sorry but I never cried, I am not sad, not that sad as other girls are, from the posts that I read at least...
Only 2 weeks and I feel as I never been pregnant, like everything happened to someone else. No crying so nth, just co tinued like nth happened.
Ok just tell me now, am I a freak?
Where is the deep pain that I should feel? After all I lost my baby.
Am I even suitable to be a mother ? Maybe I will never be able to bond with the baby.
Maybe that's why I mc? Because I am not mention to be a mom?
I love children and I certainly want my LO but where is that deep love that I hear about?will it come later or I am doing a terrible mistake?

Ok enough ranting....sorry for that girls. Feel free to read and run lol just wanted to take it out of my chest...

 

[Hope81]

Sorry for typos, my iPad has it's own personality...

 

[Baby Bean]

First of all sorry for your loss hun my personal opinion is that everyone deals with things in very different ways, just because you aren't reacting in the same way as someone else does not mean that you shouldn't be a mummy. It certainly isn't why you mc. The brain has ways of protecting you, it may be that you feel grief in time, 2 weeks isn't very long. Do you have a good support network? You may not feel like you need it now but its good to have people

 

[Maria1977]

What baby bean said is right.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm sure it's having more of an effect on you than you realise. Like baby bean said the brain has a way of protecting. Keep talking about what you have been through, that's the best thing you can do i think.

And because you haven't cried doesn't mean you would be a bad mum or anything of the sort. And it doesn't mean you wouldn't have loved your baby at all.

I don't think you are a freak at all, far from it, I think you are dealing with a very sad siutation in the way that is best for you.

There are loads of girls here who will be able to offer whatever support you need.

Wishing you all the best hun xxxxxx

 

[Kezzamunster]

So sorry for you loss

We all have different ways of coping & sometimes it just takes a while for you to be able to grieve

You will have lots of support from the girls here



xxxx

 

[laurat]

Everyone has different emotions and ways of coping! Whatever you feel is right for you!

 

[Hope81]

Thank you all, we will see how it will go I suppose, nurses were askin me while in hospital for d&c if the babies crying were bothering me...well not really I was looking at the wee babies with so much love, not feeling sad or an urge to cry or sth. Same now at the malls etc etc

I hope that it will not hit me later twice harder...

I feel better than you don't find it weird

 

[DaisyPurple]

First of all sorry for your loss hun my personal opinion is that everyone deals with things in very different ways, just because you aren't reacting in the same way as someone else does not mean that you shouldn't be a mummy. It certainly isn't why you mc. The brain has ways of protecting you, it may be that you feel grief in time, 2 weeks isn't very long. Do you have a good support network? You may not feel like you need it now but its good to have people

Exactly what I was going to say, xxx

 

[natashateale]

I had a mc about 18months at 3weeks and i was the same. I didnt feel much but i also already had my little girl (now 3). When i fell preg we wernt ttc but we knew we wanted the baby but it was never ment to be then. Now we r ttc and the mc bothered me abit at the start woundering how i would already have a little one. But it soon faded. 2weeks isnt alone time and it certainly isnt time to get ur head round that u were preg. Like other girls have said everybody reacts diff and handles its diff. Ur time to be a mummy will come. Unfortunately these things happen no one knows y but they do and it certainly doesnt mean u aint ment to be a mum. Every girl in the world thst wants to give out love deserves to b a mummy. Dont beat your self up about not feeling any thing i didnt for 18months, even now it dorsnt seem like my memory. Chin up. Ull b a mummy one day xx

 

[Annie050408]

Hi hon,

I am also going through a miscarriage at the moment and also am not crying or devastated about it. I know it seems cold but I can't force myself to feel something I don't. It doesn't make us bad people and if it helps, I have a 9 month old daughter who I love more than life itself so I know I am capable of loving a baby completely. Perhaps you are like me; someone who is used to keeping their emotions in check, someone who is realistic and level headed and can deal with emotional situations in a calm way. If so, don't beat yourself up, it is no reflection on you as a bad person or anything, it just means that this is the way you deal with things. I didn't know I would feel like this about miscarrying but I feel pretty lucky that I am someone who can rationalise it and move on as so many people end up feeling emotionally scarred and that must be so hard to deal with.

When you have your sticky bean, you WILL feel the attachment to your baby when you feel him/her move and when you see your baby's heartbeat and moving on a scan even though at the moment that seems impossible to imagine.

Best of luck for next time hon.xx

 

[Hope81]

Sorry for your loss annie. Hopefully next time will be different for both of us. Enjoy your little sweet girl

 

[kanga86]

Apart from the day I found out that there was no baby at a 11 week scan, I haven't cried much either, that was just over 2 weeks ago. I had a bit of a quick cry yesterday but generally feel ok. It seems like 'being pregnant' for the 2 months is a distance memory and most of the time I feel as though it never happened. The bleeding at the mo is the only thing reminding me, but no it just feels like a very heavy period. Just want to stop bleeding now so I can continue with ttc.

So I dont think ur a bad person or will be a bad mum, even I have thought am I even ready to have a baby now!! Even though it is all I want! With having a blighted ovum it is easier to say there was no baby to start with so no baby was ever lost if that makes sense? This is how I look at it, even though I wasn't told it was a blighted ovum the fact nothing was on the scan twice leads me to believe this is the case for me.

So sorry for ur loss and all the best for next time, that's if u are ttc? xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

Apart from the day I found out that there was no baby at a 11 week scan, I haven't cried much either, that was just over 2 weeks ago. I had a bit of a quick cry yesterday but generally feel ok. It seems like 'being pregnant' for the 2 months is a distance memory and most of the time I feel as though it never happened. The bleeding at the mo is the only thing reminding me, but no it just feels like a very heavy period. Just want to stop bleeding now so I can continue with ttc.

So I dont think ur a bad person or will be a bad mum, even I have thought am I even ready to have a baby now!! Even though it is all I want! With having a blighted ovum it is easier to say there was no baby to start with so no baby was ever lost if that makes sense? This is how I look at it, even though I wasn't told it was a blighted ovum the fact nothing was on the scan twice leads me to believe this is the case for me.

So sorry for ur loss and all the best for next time, that's if u are ttc? xx

xx

 

[EllieC]

so sorry for your loss. of course it doesnt mean you are are not going to be a good mum! it is just different ways of coping. the fact you are even on this forum and questioning yourself is proof in its self that its effected you. tears are not a measure of grief or disappointment. All my losses effected me differently at different times and some more than others, i had 2 early mc and I was very like you with those, they are all valid reactions and feelings and it doesnt make you a bad person. i think it is natural to question yourself but dont beat urself up about it. lots of hugs

 

[sarah1]

Hi Hope

Completely know how you feel tbh. I lost one baby about 15 months ago and was completely devastated. Lost another very early on a few months back, felt a bit sad, then lost another at 6 weeks just a few weeks ago and like you and the others I haven't cried or anything. I feel quite strange about the whole thing, and like you I'm not sad when I see other people with babies. Infact, I've gone quite the other way and sometimes think 'do I even want one of those?' when I know that I do, I'm perhaps just thinking of the hard times we've had. I think maybe with this one I knew I was going to lose it as I technically shouldn't have been able to get pg (long story). Who knows....our bodies work in very mysterious ways I guess. We deal with things how we need to. You're strong, thats all xxxxxxxxxx

 

[sammi7]

i'm really sorry for your loss, everyone does have different ways of coping. when i lost my baby in may i ust felt empty, i didnt cry at first i think it was just the shock to be honest. But a few weeks later thats when i started to feel it. when i seen pregnant people around me i started to feel jealous. Then i started to feel worse. I coudnt stop crying for days, nothing anyone said could make me feel better. but you learn to live with it eventualy. I will never forget that my baby was growing inside me but i look at it a different way now. I see it as, there was things wrong with my baby and thats why this has happened. Just be strong hun when you come to the time where you feel like this. My thoughts are with you xx