Am I mean?

[Tracey M]

Jenny's thread on how many I would like got me thinking about my household.... I have a son aged 4, step son aged 8 and this one on the way. My husband's wee brother lives with us too and he's 16 now. I live in a 3 bedroom house and 3rd bedroom (16yr old's room) is just small.... My boys already share a room with bunkbeds and I'm gonna have to queeze a cot in there too!

I've already made it totally clear that my husband's wee bother's coat's hanging on a shouggley nail (Scottish term lol) cos he's only got maximum 3 years and he's out to make room for this one in a proper bed.....Am I mean?? We brought him over from The Gambia in West Africa in May last year to live with us so he could get educated here (his mum and dad both dead) so that gives him time to finish school (we put him back a year - he's in 3rd year now) and either bugger off back to Gambia or go to college and make his own life......

Its hard enough cos when I have baby I'll have to work from home so have to fit in office desk in my bedroom too!! Cant move house, cant afford to and the market too crap anyway!

So....am I mean giving the 16yr old (Michael) a deadline to beat it??

 

[Piglet's Mama]

No, I don't think you're mean at all. Good on you for helping him out but with three young bubs you will need all the room you can get!

By the time he's 19 he may be able to get a small studio/1-bed flat or something x

 

[amandapanda]

I don't think you're mean but I think you have to remember African culture is ALOT more family orientated than UK......in UK we want to just focus on our own nucleur family but in Africa this extends to the wider family too. My husband is African and although it is just us right now, I know that at any point if one of his relatives wanted to come and stay for months or even years my husband would welcome them with open arms, no matter whether we had the space or not! He is planning on his mum coming to live with us for 6 months after the baby is born!! My husband currently lives and works in London during the week and stays with his brother....his brother has his wife, 2 kids and new baby all in one bedroom while my hubby sleeps on the couch in the living room.....totally cramped and overcrowded but never once have they asked him to leave because he is family!!

I totally understand your position....I love my space and sharing my marriage, family and home with exended family is something that will be really hard for me.....but I have accepted that as part of my husband's culture. I'm not saying you are in the wrong at all, and maybe the lad will be excited at the prospect of moving out and going it alone.....but just remember the cultural differences and be sensitive to your husbands opinions and wishes. I'm sure you'll be able to come to some sort of solution xxx

 

[nadine]

its a hard one, but i know were you are comin from, and its not like you are giving him 3 months, 3 years is a long time so i wouldnt feel bad at all hunni x x x

id get his name down on the coucil list tho so it gives him 3 years head start on the list x x

 

[amandapanda]

its a hard one, but i know were you are comin from, and its not like you are giving him 3 months, 3 years is a long time so i wouldnt feel bad at all hunni x x x

id get his name down on the coucil list tho so it gives him 3 years head start on the list x x

I don't think they'd be able to register him yet if he is only 16???? xx

 

[nadine]

the age for it here is 16 hun, but it very well might be different in different areas x

 

[amandapanda]

Oh that's worth looking into then.... xx

 

[Rachey]

I don't think your being mean hun, it was great of you both to bring him over to study and let him stay with you in the first place. Hopefully he will manage to find somewhere in the next couple of years to give your LO's more room.

I'm in Scotland too and in the area I live in you can go on the council list from 16, like Nadine and amanda said that would be a good idea

x

 

[xcitedmum2bex]

dont think ur being mean but this may sound bad sorry if u take it this way would u still feel same if was ur brother? he 16 so shouldnt be long till hes old enough to have place of his own so with a little work a think yous could manage around things a just always think of people worse than us and sometimes we have easy x

 

[Constantstar]

I think by 19 years old he should be able to stand on his two feet seeing all you have done for him xx

 

[Tracey M]

Thanks girls for all your comments!! Its purely a space issue, I love having him around and he helps out a lot with the kids. I left home when I was 18 and I just think anyone at that age can fend for themselves and who would want to stay with us oldies anyway? I suppose if he was not ready I would tell him then he has to sleep in a bunk bed and share his room then if he cant go..... African culture is indeed diffferent from here and they do all look out for the whole family but my husband is the eldest of 7 brothers and sisters and we already have to send money out to support them all!! We also have to send money out to my step-son's mum now and again to help her out (whe recently had fibroids and had to have her womb removed so I now have her one and only child)....its all fun in my household eh? Who said life is easy??
I suppose time will tell and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it! Oh and I do think I would feel the same if he was my brother.....suppose he can have a tent in the back garden....ha ha

 

[amandapanda]

I do think it's a good idea to get his name on the council list now as I'm sure if he had the chance of his own 1 bed flat with low rent he'd jump at the chance...and 3 years waiting time might get him one xx

 

[Froslass]

I think any time after 18 (as long as your confident he's mature enough) would be a good time to say to him maybe it's time he went it on his own x

I'm 19, and OH and I are just about to buy our first house! (Hopefully if all goes well!)

Obviously not everyone will be in a position like I am, but it's certainly not unreasonable to expect him to be able to take care of himself by 19 x