Am I being a spoilt brat?!

[Niknak]

Having a totally pants/hormonal couple of days and think I am obviously feeling a bit sensitive but basically we have been incredibly lucky and friends of ours have given us pretty much everything we need for the baby, all that we have brought are a few clothes and a new mattress, otherwise everything is second hand My mum has been a bit funny about this saying that what would the family have to buy us if we already had everything?! And I said that whatever they brought we would be very gratefully received and I would give her a list of the little bits a pieces that we still needed (sheets, thermometer etc etc) she wasnt very happy and basically asked what things we had been offered that we havent picked up yet - I told her and she said not to pick them up and she would tell people who were asking to buy them for us. This is VERY generous of people but to a point I dont see the point in people spending lots of money when they dont have to! Anyway, gave her a list - one item of which was a moses basket (meant to be picking it up from a friend on sat), my mum just called to say that my auntie has kindly brought the moses basket for me and that while she was on the john lewis website she thought I should also have a stand - very kind but already got one as otherwise I would have put this on my list! mum got cross and said I could just change it for something else (means a trip to john lewis which I dont want to do as its miles away from us) and then she said that my auntie is having it delivered to her house which is 2 hours away from us - argghhhh! I know I am being childish but I was really looking forward to having the moses basket this weekend as its the only thing that we havent really got, I have also got 3 spaniels who can be quite naughty about putting their feet up on things so I wanted a good few weeks before the baby arrives to teach them to leave the basket alone. I dont have time to drive to my aunties over the next few weeks as work is so hectic and my mum said she will bring it over when she comes to see the baby once it is born

Sorry for the massive rant - just read this back to myself and realised I am being a total cow

 

[Geminiblue]

ok from my point of view this isnt about the items its about boundaries and your mum doesnt seem to have any. My bought a pic for babies room and its bloody awful, she did this last time and forced her taste on me. Whilst I was grateful for any items...she bought us a baby monitor and it wasnt the one I really wanted, the one that I felt most suitable and the one that would put my mind at rest....because it didnt have the lights on it I was constantly checking that it was plugged in and working and up and down the stairs checking on the baby, thus defeating the object.... my point being, put your foot down make it clear that you are really very grateful but this is about what you want, that it would help if people got you the things that you needed NOT the things that they wanted to buy you and lets face it, a baby isnt a one off wonder, youre going to need help throughout...make it clear that she is needed now and in the future but that you need to work together...otherwise youre going to have this all the way through from clothes, to shoes, to nursery etc etc.

I set my boundaries and whilst it doesnt always work, the Mothers of Eastwick are clear that they are to ask and not assume
good luck hun x

 

[Geminiblue]

ps I dont think you are being spoilt either xxx

 

[Hunnie]

Think gem has hit the nail on the head perfectly with it all. I don't think your being a brat I just think that pregnancy is a particularly stressful time as it is and you are wanting to do things in the way that you wanted and Im exactly the same!

 

[Cazza]

Yep I agree with Gem above.........

I've been given loads of stuff or bought second hand exactly what we wanted, my mother is driving me nuts wanting to buy things and gets upset when we say we have it all in hand................but I know she would just ignore what we asked for and buy what ever she prefers (or finds cheaper!!!!).

 

[jomc]

Completely agree with Gem xx

 

[SarahJane88]

I also agree with gem, my mum was exactly the same a couple of weeks back, i told her we were getting a moses basket of a friend and was just going to buy a new mattrees but she went out and bought one anyway, i know it sounds harsh but i told her i didnt want it because she keeps trying to organise and take control and as much as i know she just really wants to help, it becomes abit over bearing at times. Since then she has always asked me and is alot more chilled out about it all now.So i am glad i put my foot down and now we go shopping for things i need and want rather than what she wants. x

 

[Niknak]

Thanks girlies, I had a long chat with my husband about it last night and he said exactly the same thing, I think im just nervous of sounding like a real kill-joy and ruining everyones excitement which is totally not my aim. I know my mum is trying to be helpful but just going about it the wrong way. I need to sit down and have a chat with her which I am dreading but think its got to be done

 

[pinkyprincess]

I had a similar situation with my MIL!

When I started buying baby stuff she went mad and everytime I saw her there was bags of the stuff! I'd only brought my son a couple of babygrows!

I had a word with my OH and told him to get her to stop (because as well as all of this she she'd brought us the cot and mattress! Spending more than enough money on us!)

She has stopped but insisting on getting us the toiletries which I'm fine with, one less thing to think about!

I'm planning on sorting all my baby stuff out over the coming weeks and once I've listed what I've got, I'm going to tell her that this is what we need, if she wants to get him stuff she can.

 

[redbear]

Your not spoilt at all, I would tell your mum that its stupid people paying for things you don't need when they could use the money on things you do,
like say you have a car seat but ask for the easy click adaptor so you don't have to click it in and out all the time. it may sound boring but it will make life easier and it will cost less or the same as a moses basket and stand... ( can you tell i really want one?)
its just an example but there are tonnes of things they can get which you wouldn't buy for yourself but would be helpful, A really nice photo album for all the pictures of the baby, some nice story books you can read, there is loads they could get you it doesn't have to be the things you have already. I would put your foot down and say your not having people waste there money-- if you honestly don't need anything set up a little trust fund and let people put the money they would have used in there for when the baby is older, a lot of people would appreciate doing something like that for you. I would rather my money go in a trust fund than pay for something you didn't want/need xx

 

[Princess81]

I agree that its silly for people to buy things that you dont' need. My parents did start off this way, but I think I said something that stopped them (can't remember what). Anyway, if they want to buy something for the baby, I go out and get it and then they give me the money, so I get what I need/want but they also know they've been able to contribute.
Eg: Just bought baby's monitor system, my parents are giving me the money for it so it's from them even though I got it and chose it. That way everyones happy.x

 

[Niknak]

Thank you - feeling much better about it now and thinking that im not being unreasonable. The trust fund thing is a good idea and my Grandma has already suggested it so I think people are def open to the idea. Im seeing my mum at the weekend so will sit down and have a chat with her then x

 

[Princess81]

Trust funds are a really good idea. My parents are setting up one for any children that I have, which can only be used for educational purposes or they can access it when they are 25. Wish someone had done that for me

 

[star fish]

Hi sweetie! Can I just say that you will need two stands for your moses basket! They are bulky and carrying them up and down stairs is a real pain. Keep one stand downstairs and one upstairs and that way you only need move the baby in the basket

I would be furious though about the basket being delivered to her house! Why not to your house? You are not supposed to make any journeys over an hour in distance anymore, so does that mean you dont get to have your moses basket until after your baby is born? That's fu£king useless isnt it?

 

[Niknak]

Yes it is totally useless! My Mum said she would 'go and bloody get it!' but she has a very badly broken arm/wrist so isn't driving for at least another 4 weeks, will just have to try and convince my Auntie to come and see us - not sure when though as got something happening pretty much every weekend until Christmas! Ahhhh, the joys of families!

 

[redbear]

I had a trust fund and could draw it at 18, my parents had paid £8 per week something like £1600 and because of the intest and bonus i got £2200
i got my first car and driving lessons for me and Dh (although i failed i need to take them again DH passed) a laptop for my college work, so i think i used the money well, i didn't go out getting pissed up or anything and if i hadn't bought that car then i wouldn't have been able to sell it/ save money for a van when DH was out of work and help him get another job, and wouldn't have a car now for LO... anyway im ranting but the money is massivly important when the kid is older than having things that the baby doesn't need that get sold or thrown out.
xx