advice please... (pretty long)

[Robyn_]

i need some advice,
My dad is getting married on the 7th of july,
thing is i have never got along with the fiance, ever... shes always treated me diferent, and tried to treat me like her own as in like telling me what to do and treating me like a little kid, she was nasty to me from the start saying (in my own house) that i couldnt have my music on cos it was offencsive to her 11 year old and stuf.. blah i have NEVER excepted they are together and i rarely see my dad becasue i "have to accept that he has a new family" before i can kinda thing, and i dont, hes always tried to push her on me. and i just got annoyed with it.
we fell out really badly last year over it because he said he couldnt see me as he had to make time for her and her kids, which he treats more like his than he does me and my brother, he always puts her before us and stuff and treats me like shit compared to how he used to. he takes them on holiday gives the kids my pocket money and stuff.. eurgh angry.

thing is i posted on here that my grandad died, and it was his dad, well i said id go to the wedding cos at the time i felt bad if i wasnt there becasue of it all.
but i decided that i really really dont want to do to the wedding, becasue i DO NOT accept they are together, i still think hes making a mistake and i am not happy for him,
if i sit there in that room and watch them get married isnt tht saying im happy for him and i accept shes part of the family now? when i dont..
its lying to him isnt it..
ive got to tell him today when he comes round i feel it would be for the best, cos i really dont agree with it. i know itll hurt him and everything, but i would rather tell the truth than sit there are lie.
another thing that annoys me is that he seems to think shes going to be nanny to my child and that her kids are going to be "auntie and uncle" which they are not co they are not and never will be related to me.
what to do think please..
advice please...

 

[Tangerinedream]

It will be hard but if thats how you feel then i think you are doing the right thing. good luck hun and be strong

 

[laetitia85]

Is your dad truly happy? if he is, then i think u should be happy for him. we might not always understand why people do certain things, and u might not like ur dad's choice but what really matters is that he's happy. be happy for him that he's found happiness and don't think you HAVE to get along with her. you and her don't have to be the best of friends, just be civil towards each other. if i were you i would still go, just to show ur dad that whatever choices he makes in his life, u will still stand by him even if u know deep down it's not the right choice, but as long as he's happy. it's out of order that ur dad seems to prioritise the other kids and i think it will take a proper family discussion to sort that out. you not going to the wedding will not sort out that problem, in fact it could make it worse. i advise you to take the time to let your dad know how u feel especially about the way he treats you compared to the other kids. hope im making sense lol good luck with everything

 

[Robyn_]

so do you think that i should talk to him when he gets here and tell him i am going BUT only for him, and it doesnt mean that i agree with it
i need to let him know that just becasue i am going( if i decide to) that its not for her in anyway cos i hate her basically..
oh i dunno what to do basically =(

 

[mum2be?]

I think you should go otherwise you might regrate not going, but make it clear to him & her that you are only going for your dad.

Regarding your baby i would be careful not to take it out on her children as it not there fault.

 

[Robyn_]

i didnt bring the children into it.. =/
i just dont like any of them.. just eurgh

 

[leckershell]

I was the same, couldn't stand my moms new partner and I got into a big argument with him the night before the wedding.. I was chief bridesmaid and they were going to take me home in the morning because they didn't want me there if I didn't want to be there.

Your dad might say you should stay behind if you don't agree with it, or on the day you would both feel awkward knowing you don't want to be there?

If you feel strongly about it, then I would say don't go. Otherwise you might end up saying something on the day that may go down badly, and I doubt either you or them would really want that. You should still wish him well though as he's obviously made his decision.

But that's just my opinion

 

[xSuzx]

Thats what I'd do hun, talk to him and just explain how you feel, that you will be at the wedding but only because you love him and want to be there for him even though you do not aggree with them marrying.

You don't want to alienate your dad just because of this woman, and if you don't go it might just push a bigger gap between you and your dad and I'm sure you don't want that.

I'v just been to my FIL birthday party, even though I didn't want to go as he can't even be bothered to make time to come to my kids birthdays or come and visit us while we've lived here (we live 2 1/2 hours away and he's visit about twice in 3 years), but I went and made it very clear the only reason I was going was for my hubby, cause I love him and I know what it ment for me to go.

Saying all that make sure you make a disicion that you feel comfortable with.

xSuzx

 

[xSuzx]

opps was writing miy reply at the same time as leckershell lol

xSuzx

 

[Robyn_]

I was the same, couldn't stand my moms new partner and I got into a big argument with him the night before the wedding.. I was chief bridesmaid and they were going to take me home in the morning because they didn't want me there if I didn't want to be there.

Your dad might say you should stay behind if you don't agree with it, or on the day you would both feel awkward knowing you don't want to be there?

If you feel strongly about it, then I would say don't go. Otherwise you might end up saying something on the day that may go down badly, and I doubt either you or them would really want that. You should still wish him well though as he's obviously made his decision.

But that's just my opinion

yeah i think you know where i am coming from mum has said to me that there might be a chance he wont want me there if idont agree with it,
i think its a risk im gunna take, i dont want to go and i am not going..
sorry to the people who think i should go
but i dont want to wreck their perfect day or whatever its spose to be by not agreeing
so i aint going and i wont regret it becasue i dont regret anything i have said to them before, cos its how i feel..

 

[leckershell]

i think it's always best to be honest, even if it's seen as the 'wrong' thing to do. imagine if you said something by accident, or one of them rubbed you the wrong way during the day and somehow or other caused a scene.. they would never forgive you for it even if it wasn't your fault.

not that im saying you would do anything out of place, but you know what i mean..?

don't wanna get you into trouble encouraging you not to go. you could still get them a card/pressie or whatever to wish them well, but just not put yourself in a position you're both not comfortable with.

 

[Robyn_]

ofc i wil wish him well and stuff, i just know tht i cant be there, there will be too much tension and i know that she would just come up to me and say something and itd al fly off, and i dont want to do that,
id rather hes happy wthout me being there than for me to fuckthe day up in anyways

hard thing but i know i dont need the stress and stuff, and i dont want to mix with them.

i just eurgh

 

[AllieW]

I think you're being very sensible about this. When my Dad remarried I found it very tough. He asked me to be his 'best man' at one stage. I just told him I didn't feel up to it. But it was very difficult actually being at the wedding anyway. They had the ceremony in the church which had been constructed from the hall in which he'd had his first wedding reception with my Mum (if you follow). I just couldn't bear it. I had to get away as quickly as I possibly could. Luckily I was at Uni, so I came up with some cock and bull story so that I could be excused. If you really don't want to be there and despise her that much (and trust me I do understand) then you're probably safer staying at home.

And if he won't take that, then come up with some pregnancy related excuse.

 

[Becks&Riley]

I wouldnt go lol

 

[libs]

As an adult I think sometimes we have to be able to swallow our own feelings and put ourselves in someone elses place. It isn't lying - it's having consideration for those we love. Your father IS going to marry his fiancee whether you are there or not. I would say think about how you would feel if you met someone and loved them and your father decided he wasn't going to come to the wedding because he decided he was never going to accept this person.
Whether you like it or not, this woman will be your stepmother. If you want your child to have a relationship with your father, then they will also have a relationship with her and her children. That's unavoidable without playing games, which is never in your child's interest. Surely for your child's sake now is the time to start building a relationship rather than making it worse. You are as much of an adult as he is now so you need to take some responsibility too for starting afresh.

As your child grows you may start to understand her a little more - she's a mum too so telling you not to play certain music in the house becuase she was protecting a younger child is pretty normal. When my older stepson came to live with us he had to accept different rules than in his mother's house as we had a younger child here. He was 24 but as the older "child" he was expected to have consideration for his younger "brother"

Families..sometimes I think it would be easier to be raised in communes