Adoption?

[Bead]

Hi Ladies,

DH and I have broached the subject a few times in the past - what if the IVF doesn't work? But tonight I'm home alone, had a good long cry contemplating the possible reality of it, and googled a couple of adoption web sites.
Has anyone else considered it?

I'm feeling very emotional and introverted tonight... maybe it's the hormones I'm taking. Would be good to talk to others who are cosidering taking the same path.

Xx

 

[flexilexi394]

Hey, just thought I'd let you know I would fully consider adoption if I was in the same position. It's helping another child as well as you having what you've always wanted, nothing more amazing and special about that. X

 

[Bead]

Thanks Flexi oh now that's set me off again...
Xx

 

[LouiseB]

I'm sorry you're feeling low Bead

I have looked into adoption and even asked my friend who is a social worker about it and my feelings about it are very conflicted.

There is no doubt in my mind that I could adopt a child and love it as my own but it isn't as simple as that.

For starters, very few of the children are simply unwanted by their parents. Many of them are handicapped and from ethnic minorities. Many of them have suffered abuse. Many of them are over 5 and want their real mum and dad, not realising why they are at the orphange.

Also, the parents seem to be able to make requests about how the children are raised and wanting to be kept updated.

In addition, you have to prove you can be a parent by doing parenting courses... It can take years to find a suitable child and several months to actually bring them home.

Many of these factors make me uncomfortable.

Adoption isn't the last refuge that it appears to be

 

[Bead]

Yes it's a long and difficult process to be sure.
There was a documentary on TV last week - very informative. But it said that 1 in 5 adoptions fails / breaks down, usually due to kids being so traumatised. Such a sad statistic.

 

[Lilelephant]

I just wanna say that my OH was talking about this yesterday we have been ttc for 12 months now, and alothough we are yet to even go down the fertility treatment route, i just asked him if it's something he would consider if we couldnt have our own.
and we both said that we definatly would as we think we could help a child no matter their age who needed a loving home and family.

 

[Bead]

Thanks MrsMc, that's how we feel too And I see how amazing DH is with our nephews and nieces, and I think, yeah, adoption really could work.
I'm nearly 38, so whatever we decide to do, we need to move fairly quickly as I don't want to be too old to have the energy to play!
Xx

 

[LouiseB]

There is no harm in putting you name down and starting the ball rolling, although I'm sure a cycle or two at the most will see you with your own child

 

[Bead]

Thanks Louise. We have one IVF cycle on the NHS. Then if that doesn't work, we'll have to decide whether to use all our savings on a second cycle... which we most likely will. We have a 30% chance each time of it succeeding. Everything crossed for us all! Xx

 

[xshauna_bazx]

I think if you cant have children of your own adpotion is great and you give another child a home and a family. Maybe it won't come to this though. Good luck with the IVF! xxx

 

[BabyLover]

We have talked about it, but I am pretty sure from watching that programme about it that it is a lengthy and long process, in which you have no gaurentee you are going to get the child you want (as for the same ethenic background, good health etc...)

We have decided not to go down this route if our ICSI/IVF does not work.

They say you don't need to be wealthy or have a big house etc....but I am pretty sure you need some level of security for the child you are adopting to give them everything they haven't had and with me and my partner having full time jobs and not massively big earners, I am sure we would get crossed off the list lol

Donna x

 

[LouiseB]

Thanks Louise. We have one IVF cycle on the NHS. Then if that doesn't work, we'll have to decide whether to use all our savings on a second cycle... which we most likely will. We have a 30% chance each time of it succeeding. Everything crossed for us all! Xx

I bought a book that is ok, quite a good read for the basics if you don't know anything already. It's called The Complete Guide to IVF by Kate... something

Plus i found out about somethig called Blastocyst Transfer off a friend where basically they let the egg grow to 5-6 days before implantation and it significantly improves the chance of implantation - just something to consider because apparently not all clinics offer it and it depends on certain things like number of eggs etc.

Umm, sorry for waffling i've just been reading a lot and now i'm kind of over-flowing with information that is new to me so i assume it will be new to everyone lol

 

[amyjayne77]

My sister and her hubby adopted a brother and sister a few years ago. They were 3 and 1 1/2 at the time. I dont't know the ins and outs as they were very private about the whole thing, but I know it was a long process for sure but they are the happiest family ever. the kids know they were born somewhere else, but they know who mum and dad are now xx

 

[Bead]

Thanks for the info Louise, and for the positive story AmyJayne Xx

 

[LouiseB]

Yeah, it's a great story AmyJayne - i suppose it's nice to remember that the ends sometimes justifies the means

 

[kizzibea]

We had a friend who spent about two years working to adopt a little girl. They were the loveliest family in the world. The husband set up a business working from home so he could be there for her & they'd been trying to conceive for ages & it wasn't working so they'd adopted instead. A few months after the adoption was finalized they ended up getting pregnant.

I would love to adopt but I don't think we'd be considered. OH has prior mental health problems, we live with my family. It's a great environment for a child, personally, but I'm not sure that a social worker would see it that way.

 

[LouiseB]

It's a great environment for a child, personally, but I'm not sure that a social worker would see it that way.

That's so true. Sometimes they seem to put too much emphasis on ticking boxes rather than using their own intuition - i bet socail workers would argue the same actually. My friend is a social worker and she seem to be as frustrated with the system as anyone.

 

[kizzibea]

That's very true Louise, my Dad was applying to be a foster parent at one point and someone basically said to him, off the record, I don't think you'd be considered. So he stopped trying.

It's a shame because he did a great job raising me and my brother and a friend's daughter who was having some serious issues at home lived with us for a little while as well. I think he could have made a real difference to some kids.