Aaaarrrgghhhh!!!!

[orangefluff]

What is wrong with my mother??!! She's just done my bloody head in and it's soooo winding me up!!

My OH is going to Afghan for 6 months on Wednesday and will be back for 2 weeks when baby's born (well, he comes back 30th Nov, I'm due 5th Dec so may only have a few days with bubs if he/she is on time, if I'm overdue hopefully someone will cover him for a few extra days) and obvs we would like to have time together and time for him to get to know baby a tiny bit before he goes back for the last 4 months.

My Mum rang this evening (just to moan about stuff really) and he mentioned this to her and he said she just went silent and didn't say another word so he had to say goodbye because it was so awkward.

She lives 3 hours away so whenever she comes up she stays here (in the spare room which is now the nursery) and often for a few days or a week. She's booked a 'floating' week with work so she can come up and help me out when I have the baby. Now, we want her to come up when I go into labour and see the baby and stuff but we really dont want her staying for a week while OH is home cos we want to be able to get on with things ourselves and we wont have seen each other for 2 months and will only have 2 weeks together.

We basically have to play it by ear but she just doesnt seem to understand that we're not trying to get at her, this is about us and our baby not her!!!!

I dont know if that makes any sense but she always tries to make me feel guilty about everything and it seems most of the time that she's jealous of my OH for getting more of my time than she does. When we lived together it was awful, we didnt get on at all, now I live here she always goes on about missing me and wishing I lived on her doorstep and cries all the time and it just does my head in now because I dont think its fair of her to still be doing this to me after all these years.

Am I being harsh??, I dont know if I've explained this properly!!

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I think your mums just very excited about becomming a grandparent but she needs to understand that you and your OH need time to bond with the baby too especially as your OH won't be around properly until baby is 2 months old! Say she's welcome but only for a couple of days due to wanting to bond with baby and spend as much time with OH as poss before he goes back to afgan!! She must understand x x

 

[orangefluff]

I know she's excited but I just wish she could just once say 'I understand' but she never does when there's any situation like this. Basically it's such a long story but she relies on me so much and most of the time I feel like the adult and she's the child. I can't carry on like that when I have my own actual child to look after and cant have her guilt tripping me all the time.
OH wont be around properly til baby is nearly 5 months old in fact so this time is going to be very important for us - I'm pretty sure she does know this really but why cant she say it and not make things harder - I'm feeling terible enough that this time on Wednesday I'll be on my own and OH will on his way to that horrible place

 

[frankie707]

It does sound like she could think about what you are going through and be more supportive to your needs, luckily for me its the MIL that I get this kind of thing from (not quite as bad) and my own mum is okay, but same as you guys, with DH deployed and only back for less than 2 weeks I am planning on being very selfish about visitors when he is home - not just for bonding with baby but also for me seeing MY HUSBAND - everyone gets so hung up on the excitement of a new baby arriving and they seem to forget that you and husband are still two individuals who love each other and are about to not see each other for a long time!
I think you (and me) will just have to be strong about your needs and the fact that this is now your little family that you need to focus on, once your husband is away that's when the grandparents can provide the support and spend time with you and LO.
PS - sorry if that turned into a bit of a rant, its nearly 2am and i'm awake!!!

 

[karenandbump]

Hey hon - I agree with Frankie ^^^. It's about u guys having time as a new family and it's prob worth a chat with ur mum to explain this so that she understands it's not a relfection on her x x x