A year on

[tinselcat]

I remember last year's London Marathon well.


I remember walking under Tower Bridge before the runners arrived, to go to the hospital.

I remember sitting in the hot EGU reading dumb ladies magazines with the marathon on on the telly.

I remember the nurse telling me I was 'fit enough to run the marathon' after my BP came out at 120/80 (rather than the usual 90/60 I get in early pregnancy).

It was a Sunday so they couldn't scan me then. The nurse thought my cervix was closed.


A year ago today I didn't know what would happen on the Monday.

That I would wake up and there would be more brown blood, like at the start of a period.

That I would go into work and then start crying hysterically as I wondered what was going on.

That I would go to the EGU for the scan, one day before my Nuchal was due, and find out the baby had no heartbeat and was dead.


But one thing I did know, is that it would be hard for me to conceive a baby again with my partner and that all the stupid comments and anecdotes that people offered me about "it happens to lots of people and they go on to have babies" would mean absolutely frigging nothing.

Still upset, still bitter, still angry, still waiting.

 

[laurat]

Xxxxxxx

 

[babyem]

Hugs xxx

tapatalking x

 

[redbear]

Hugs xxx

 

[scn]

Oh hun, thinking of you xxx

 

[Cazza]

*hugs*

 

[Nurse 26]

xxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

x

 

[jojo3972]

Hugs lovely I'm still waiting too xxx

 

[Corrinne37]

Ah tinsel, Im so so sorry.
You know it took a year to pass by after my first MMC. Then I got my BFP and the same happened again.
Double devastated wasnt the word! It took even longer the next time way over a year to get another BFP.
This one ! Which seems to be going ok. Third Trimester next week.!
I know your case is different than mine, but mine were both late tri 1, MMC like yours where my body didnt let me know and what Im saying is, miracles happen, dont give up hope.
But I do believe that feeling bitter and upset and not being over the previous MC just prolongs it.
Find some way , some how to forgive what has happened, forgive yourself , release the sadness your holding on to, let go and be free for it to happen again.
Much love sweet xxxx

 

[netty]

Aw hun x its been 18 months since I mc and im still waiting massive hugs x I have took a step back myself as I'm young and also getting married plus there's nothing apparently wrog with me Sooo its just one of those cruel things

We will all get there one day... Seems forever away but you have to keep hope x

fapatalking

 

[hayes]

Big hugs to you hun.

Michelle. x

 

[CARNAT22]

It's tough going hun, it really is.

TTC alone is a stressful rollercoaster ride by TTC after a loss (or losses) makes it even harder.

I never had trouble conceiving but I did have 3 losses so I do have some idea.

You have to keep the faith though, without hope life is meaningless and even though you feel like crap now I know you still have hope - otherwise you wouldn't be here?? Hope is what got me through the darkest days when I thought I would never get my sticky bean.

Be kind to yourself sweetie

xxxxxx

 

[Iwant3]

so sorry x

 

[nbrintz]

Aww I'm so so sorry x

 

[Rayxxx123]

Sorry hun xxx after my first mc i didnt get preg for another year and lost that one too. We gotta keep up the hope and remain positive as much as we can xxxx

 

[tinselcat]

Thanks ladies, your messages of support mean an awful lot to me. Especially as my husband just doesn't get it and is fed up of the whole thing (2 weeks after I lost the baby he was asking why I wasn't back to normal happy self).

I'm just conscious of my getting older - turning 35 in a couple of months - and my OH having between 0-2% normal sperm (depending which test you go by) and the fact I don't have a little baby in my arms to cuddle that I've wanted desperately now for 9 years.

I'm starting IVF next week while being made redundant at work trying to look for a job (my OH's been unemployed for 2 years) and I just feel so pessimistic about the chances of it working, particularly everything that's going on.

All I ever wanted was a family and I know life can be cruel and is much worse to other people but this is just so hard!!

 

[timtam78]

Big hugs hun. I'm still here waiting with you, I'm approaching 35 too feeling like it will never happen.

Men find it easier to get over as I guess it doesn't feel as real to them to start with. Doesn't make it easy for us though.

I really hope things take a turn for the better for you guys. Good luck finding work and I hope your other half can find something as well. Hope the IVF is successful too.

x

 

[Simoneh00]

Massive hugs tinsel. I was so gutted for you that day
Its so hard to be grieving and ttc with no success. I just wanna send you loads of love and strength xxx

 

[Lozzaste]

Hiya

That sounds like my experience a lot. Same thing, mine was the day of my nuchal, it was my second 11 week loss, within five months. I saw the blood and sat on the bed screaming. I walked around too, not knowing what to do, wishing I wasn't there, wishing it wasn't happening. We are six months in and nothing. I'm angry too. So angry.
I hope you get your BFP really soon, we are also hoping the same thing. Is really, really hard. On the surface I'm strong but underneath I am so frustrated. I've tried to take a break from it but its not as easy as it sounds.

Big hugs xxxxx