A very sad hello

[kirstiii]

Hi all,
I have posted a little bit on this forum before, in fact the lovely ladies here helped me when I wasn't sure if my test was positive! I didn't expect to be posting in this bit but here I am. I went for a scan at EPU on Tuesday due to a small amount of bleeding over the past few weeks, hoping and praying to see a heartbeat. I thought I was 8-9 weeks, but the scan showed that there was no heartbeat, looking about 6.5weeks. I have another scan booked next week to make sure, but they said I am likely to miscarry this week. Today I had some red blood so I think it is starting.
Anyway I just sort of wanted to vent and say hello, I don't want to upset anyone by posting this. I don't know anyone else who has been through this (that I know of), and have several friends with beautiful babies and happy pregnancies.
One thing I am in need of advice on is how to deal with work - I've told them what is going on, and haven't been in since the scan, but I don't really know what to do over the next few days. I'm scared of it happening at work, but equally I feel bad being off as I'm not currently in any pain and I have so much work on. How long do people usually take? Are employers usually quite understanding? I'm really up and down emotionally, one minute fine and the next the tiniest thing will set me off, and my face goes bright red when I cry and takes ages to calm down so I really can't hide it if it happens at work!
Thanks for any responses, and sorry to those who have lost little ones xxx

 

[lizsamuel80]

Firstly I'm so sorry you have to go through this. No one should have to do it and it feels very unfair.

If you have told your boss what is happening just keep them informed of how you feel. EG. Not ready to come back etc. You don't need to tell them all the details. It's not a good idea to go back before everything has passed. With my first MC I barely made it to the toilet in time but once I passed that bit it was like a heavy period It started a similar way. Sorry if this is TMI.

Most people have been through it. I'm finding since I opened up about my two so i would be surprised if you did no no one who had been through it.

Good luck and I hope you rest up and have heaps of support from friends and family.

 

[Vickimo]

Hi Kirstiii,

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. I had a D&C last Friday at what should have been 9 weeks for me. I too had a first scan and then had to wait a week to go back. I opted for the D&C as I knew I couldn't wait it out for it to pass naturally as I felt that I'd been waiting enough already.

As far as work is concerned I think that you need to do whatever feels right for you. I'm never off my work but the fact that I knew I couldn't face going in was enough to give me my answer. My immediate boos knows why I'm off and although I haven't spoken to him directly (I've been too emotional on the phone) one of my best friends works with me too so she's been keeping him up to date.

I took off the week in between scans as I knew that my head wasn't in the right place. After the op on Friday my boss told me that he certainly didn't expect to see me back before the 17th so I've taken him up on his offer. Physically I felt fine after the op which had made me feel a bit guilty but emotionally I know that I would have burst in to tears all the time if I'd went back sooner. I know that the rumours are that I'm off with morning sickness so that's going to be a difficult one to face when I go back but I feel stronger to deal with it now.

I think that you need to be wherever you feel most comfortable and best placed to deal with what happens next and I don't think that's in work.

Again, I'm sorry that you have to go through this, it's a horrible thing to happen xxx

 

[kirstiii]

Thankyou both for your replies. I'm sorry you have had to go through this too, it's so awful. I think you're right, I think if I was in work I probably wouldn't be doing much work anyway. It just feels so weird being in limbo like this, I've gone from dreading any sign of bleeding to kind of wanting it to come, in a weird way, so that we can start to get over this. I know that sounds terrible.
I ended up telling my boss by email, I was also too emotional to talk on the phone, I still am really. I think I'll stay off and see what happens...my lovely OH has gone back to work but I think he should stay off too instead of bottling it up.
Hope you're both ok, and thanks again for your advice xx

 

[laurat]

Im really sorry for your loss! Its just a horrible tine. In terms of work I think it is up to you and how you feel. Personally I just wanted to be back at work and to keep my mind off it etc so I went in. I made sure I had a towel on and to be hinest my pain never got ridicolously bad. I found that it helped me but it truely is what is best for you. Perhaps if you go in and dont feel great as they know they could let you away.

Take care whatever you decide!! Xxx

 

[netty]

so sorry sweety x make sure you rest up, i hope it passes quickly for you darling x sorry for your little angel

 

[Dotty_woman]

Hi Kirstiii,

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience and have just gone through exactly the same thing. Unfortunately my second scan didn't have a good outcome and I am waiting for nature to take it's course. Don't give up hope. It is possible that things may have a positive outcome however, it does may it easier if you prepare yourself for news you may not want to hear. I am pleased you have been able to tell your boss as your work can at least understand what is going on and compensate accordingly. I haven't told my work and have only told a close colleague. I didn't want them to know because they will then know I am trying for a baby and may affect my job. I don't have a great working relationship with my colleagues as is. I guess it really depends how supportive your work are normally. You've overcome the first hurdle by telling your boss.

I wish you well whatever the outcome of your scan and have my fingers crossed for you. xxx

 

[kiwifrootkai]

I think it's a good idea for you to maybe look into some time off work if possible, or if that's not possible, you could even ask your GP to write a note to your employer about what has happened.

So sorry for your loss hun.
xo

 

[Katkin72]

Hi Kirstiii, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I started miscarrying mid July, and ended up having a D&C 2 weeks later as my body wasn't passing it on it's own. I felt exactly the same as you - I was in limbo from being told there was no heartbeat till having the surgery. I was an emotional mess! I just wanted it to all be over so I could move on and I was terrified I would mc fully at any time. I was scared every time I left the house
It sounds like work are being really understanding with you which is great, not everyone has the support they need. I couldn't talk to anyone at 1st so communicated with my boss and colleagues by e-mail and text. I ended up being off sick from work for a month in total - 2 weeks from when I found out to my D&C date, and then 2 weeks off afterwards. I felt guilty as physically I was ok soon after the surgery, but emotionally I was all over the place If they are being supportive at work and suggesting you take some time out I would take it. You will need time to heal physically and emotionally.
Thinking of you at this heartbreaking time, and sending love & hugs xxxxx

 

[kirstiii]

Thanks everybody. I don't know anyone who's been through this so it really helps to know there are others out there. The scan was as I had expected and dreaded - no heartbeat, baby had never grown properly. They got me in for an ERPC yesterday, which I'm grateful for. I'm at home recovering with my partner now and I'm going to take the rest of the week off. Work are trying to make me go in and do a presentation next week, which I'm dreading as I hate presentations at the best of times, but I think I might just put my foot down and say not yet. Unfortunately the surgeon forgot to write me a doctor's note though so not sure how that will work out! Thankyou all for your support, and I hope you're all doing as well as can be xx

 

[Vickimo]

Hi Kirstii, I hope you're recovering well. I went back to work on Sunday which was just over a week after my D&C. Physically I felt fine but emotionally it was tough. After a couple of days I feel back to normal now that I'm back in to a routine. I personally found it easier to cancel anything major and just get my head down at my desk for the first couple of days so I'd say to stand your ground if you don't feel up to the presentation. You don't want that looming over you when you're ready to go back.

I also didn't get a sick note from the surgeon but just made an appt for my Doctor and got a line for the 2nd week of my absence as you can self-certify for the first week. Made it to almost 35 years of age without ever needing a Doctor's certificate!!

All the best with your recovery x

 

[alibaby]

Hi Kirstii,
Hope you are taking it easy and make a speedy recovery. I had an ERPC 2 weeks ago, it was a wednesday and I went back to work on the monday. I was relieved to get back to work and 'back to nomal'. I felt fine physically but maybe wasn't at my sharpest mentally and was quite tired when I got home so I would try and postpone the presntastion if you can.
Take care xx

 

[Becky1]

Hi Kristii. I got a sick note for 2 weeks from the hospital and they said if I needed longer to get in touch. You could always try calling them or your drs. I was going to go back to work the Monday after I had the op (thurs) but hubby and friend both advised against. I also knew that once at work i would have to get on and there wouldn't be any consideration for what I'd been through. It left our office very short staffed but I knew I had to put myself first for once (it was the first time I'd been off sick for more than couple of days). Looking back it did me the world of good.

xx

 

[Holly1991]

Hi kristi,
I went through this last Thursday, I was 7 weeks roughly but by the time I got to my scan the baby was already gone ,
It's really hard and emotionally I'm up and down, however I'm aiming to go back to work next Friday. Although I still am unsure if I'm ready to deal with moaning customers >.<

So sorry it's happened to you, I feel your pain
*hugg

Holly xx

 

[5Element]

Hi Holly,

I am really sorry for your loss -have a huge hug from me! Take each day as it comes and one step after another. I am now at the other end of the d&c and will go back to work on Mon. I didnt think I would be up to it at the start of this week but today I am desperate to get some sort of normality back into my life.

The most important thing though is to look after yourself (and OH) and go back when you feel strong enough!

All the best!! XXXX

 

[kirstiii]

Thanks everyone. I ended up going back yesterday, I said no to the presentation and just went along to the meeting to answer questions. It was ok in the end, although I am still sooo emotional. So far I've managed to cry on 2 people who just asked if I was ok - it's almost as if it's worse when people are nice to me as that sets off the waterworks! I guess the worst is over now though, I've been back and seen most people so hopefully that'll be the end of any questions.
Thanks so much for all of your support and advice, it really helped to know how others have handled this. I hope you're all doing ok today xxx

 

[5Element]

Hi! I went back to work on Monday and it was really good to be back in some form of routine again. Now the stress is rising here but somehow I have changed since the d&c, my priorities are different now. I dont think it gets to me so much as I know what is THE MOST important thing to me now!

Hope you find some peace in the routine too!

HUGS!! XXX

 

[kirstiii]

I know what you mean about the priorities - lots on at work and before all this happened I would have found it really stressful. Now I kind of don't care anymore, I just think sod it, I have more important things to care about now! Every cloud eh....xx

 

[5Element]

OH YES!! And our silver lining will come! Right now I am taking extra special care of myself so that the next smartie can be a sticky smartie!

Heres to your next sticky one and a change in prio's!!