Young Single Mums and Mum's to Be?

[emmak01]

I'm only 4-5 weeks pregnant, but I am single, and babys father wants nothing to do with us. It's making everything really scary, from being alone during the pregnancy, to how i'm going to cope for money etc, I feel really isolated already! I haven't told my mum yet, im only 19 and a student, so i'm away from all my family and live alone cause I did live with my ex, i've never found anything so daunting in my life x

 

[lanny]

Hi Emma I hope your ok congratulations on your pregnancy, sorry the father want nothing to do with uses, I was 18 turned 19 just before my first was born and know how scary it can feel, I not have a beautiful 6 year old and I'm pregnant with my 4 th so it can't be that bad lol, try and talk to your mum she might give you the support you need right now xxxxx

 

[emmak01]

Hi Lanny, I love hearing about other women that have been through it and have done great, makes me feel so much more positive! How did you manage for money? That's one of my biggest worries at the moment! I'm so scared my mums going to be disappointed with me, but she's a midwife so probably one of the best people to talk too x

 

[ippa]

Hi, I'm not quite as young, I was 22, now 23 when I had my son! His father doesn't want anything to do with him either!
It's been very difficult but it is so worth it! I live just with my son in a 2 bed flat, my parent don't live that far away and they are amazing with Matthew and so supportive! It took a while for them to get their heads round it (well basically till he was born!)
And money wise, we are ok, had not a penny from his dad, but do get help from housing benefit and tax credits, which really helps!
I hope all goes well for you hun, and I'm sure you will be great!
XxX

 

[emmak01]

Thankyou Ippa! Matthews a little cutie too! I am so excited, I really can't wait, want to be 12 weeks so I can tell everyone I hate my ex for wanting nothing to do with my baby, he already has one baby with a previous ex, and this really hurts that he's happy to wash his hands of his second child I know i'll be able to give my baby all the love it needs, just feel like i've failed him/her from the start by not getting on with the dad x

 

[ippa]

Aww thank you!
You will be so great! And seriously you have not failed your baby! I felt like that but I now know I will give Matthew everything I can! And he will be so loved!
Have you decided when and how you are going to tell your mum?
XxX

 

[emmak01]

Nope, I tried to tell my sister but couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm going to tell her over the phone, I don't see her very often, and don't want to tell her face to face in case she doesn't react well. I think i'm going to wait until after i've had a scan, just so I know everythings ok, and just so it's just that bit more real! How far gone were you when you told friends and family? x

 

[AugustMum]

Hey

Again, Im not as young as you are but I consider myself a younger mum Im 23 now and was 22 when I had my little girl. Me and her dad were together for a long time but hadnt been together for a while before getting pregnant and its kind of been off and on since then but definately off for good now. Im very lucky in that he pays his way, works full time and has her once a week for a night. It doesn't make it any easier though.

I was a student when I fell pregnant in my second year of uni and I can now say I have a 2:2 in BA Photography. Wasnt easy but Im bloody proud now so don't think you'll have to leave education if you don't want to. I lived about 100 miles away from my family at uni too (but just commuted to uni in my third year while I lived with my parents) and it gets tough being that far away from them when pregnant but they're an amazing support so I'd say just tell them straight out and get it done with and they'll soon be happy about it. My dad was the first person I told because he rang a few hours after I tested! He was shocked to say the least!

Good luck!

 

[ippa]

Nope, I tried to tell my sister but couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm going to tell her over the phone, I don't see her very often, and don't want to tell her face to face in case she doesn't react well. I think i'm going to wait until after i've had a scan, just so I know everythings ok, and just so it's just that bit more real! How far gone were you when you told friends and family? x

I told my parents about a week after I found out, so I was about 5 weeks, I'm slightly ashamed of how I did though! Me and my mum had a huge argument which included her saying 'I bet your pregnant or something!' so I stormed out (going to put it down to hormones as I wouldn't normally do that!) and text her saying she was right! When I eventually went home my parents sat me down and we had a really long talk about it all! I could tell they were furious, but were trying hard not to show it! There were some tough times where they were very disappointed in me but we got through it! They are so supportive now and love Matthew so much!
I know it will be hard to begin with, but if you tell you mum now then she may like to come to you scan with you for support!
I told close friends at about 10 weeks and everyone else at 12!
If you ever need anyone to talk to pm me and I will always reply and try my best to help hun!
XxX

 

[emmak01]

That's good AugustMum, I really want to finish uni too, baby's due around May, so will have just finished my second year, then in October i'll have to go back for my final year whilst the babys just turned 6 months, not sure how i'll manage trying to bring up a baby on my own and finishing uni :s x

 

[AugustMum]

I remember my 12 week scan FOB wouldnt tell his parents about the baby and so he couldnt get a lift to London and I went with my housemate. Me and my housemate don't speak now and he truly insulted me last time we spoke so I shared such a special moment with someone who couldn't care less.

Your sister might be a good person to take to the scan with you, so just go for it. Im sure you'll get a better reaction that you think.

 

[emmak01]

Thanks ippa Knowing my mum, she would be angry at first, but being a midwife she's seen a lot of young mums, and single mums, and she was 20 when she had my sister, and is a single mum too now, so I think she'd be really good to me as well. It's just scary trying to get the courage to do it! I've got an appointment with my doctor again tomorrow, so I might tell her after that. Thanks for the advice x

 

[AugustMum]

That's good AugustMum, I really want to finish uni too, baby's due around May, so will have just finished my second year, then in October i'll have to go back for my final year whilst the babys just turned 6 months, not sure how i'll manage trying to bring up a baby on my own and finishing uni :s x

My LO was 8 weeks when I went back. My tutors were fairly supportive and knew I could only go in once a week and my mum watched her one day a week for me (luckily her work put in a shift system just as I started uni) but then she went to nursery 2 days a week at 6 months. You can totally do it. I managed it on my own, while moving house and with PND so you can definately do it!

 

[rere]

i was in the same situation as u a year ago 19 comin up 20 and was pregnant father didnt want anything to do ect and i was terrified but as time goes on the easier it gets how much harder wud it be having the father about and u having to make him bond with the child when he doesnt want to ect this way u have less emotional torment if he is to much of a lil boy to face up to his reaities i wud just ring the csa as soon as bubz is born make sure he pays and wash ur hand off him my friend had her dad in her life and he didnt really try much her mother always had to pressure him into ringing ect and what she said to me is better no dad than a half arsed one thats just gnna make u feel like crap xx

 

[emmak01]

Thanks for the words of support, but unfortunately I began bleeding on the 30th of August And lost my baby I'm on a waiting list to see a councillor now, and hopefully I will feel better about it soon. Hope you all have happy, healthy pregnancies, and gorgeous babies at the end of it x

 

[ippa]

I'm so sorry to hear that hun!
I hope the councillor helps!
Sending lots of love!
XxXxX

 

[emz1980]

SO sorry just read your post, hope your councillor can help you clear your head and sort things out for you xxx

 

[beckibooxx]

Babe, your be absolutly fine, you do however need to tell your mum, you need ALL the support you can get right now and im sure you have friends who can support you to.. you dont need a man to help you as long as u have people there for you

xx

 

[x_PlaceboDanii]

Hey Emma, im really sorry the father of your baby wants nothing to do with you both, its guys like that that give all the good fathers a bad name.

Im not as young as you, but i will be almost 23 when i have my baby. Im also due in May. May 28th.

Im also in the same situation with my parents as yourself, i fear telling them about being pregnant incase they react badly, i had a massive fist fight with my mum a month ago over contraception as i stopped taking my pill and she wasn't happy. I now live with my fiance and we couldn't be happier.

I hope everything works out for the best for you