Advice Please - Single Mums!

[allycat]

I was wondering if there are any single mums out there who have raised their little one(s) by themselves and done ok

I think I'm gonna be a single mum very soon because I'm growing to hate the baby's dad at the mo...I'm worried 'cause I'm not working and won't have anywhere to live! I need to know what my options are and hear some stories where someone else has been in same situation and come out the other side more than fine!

 

[Snuggle]

Hiya hun, post this question in the Ask A Mum section for more responses. There are loads of girls on here who are fab single mummys and will happily chat to you about it all

 

[Sammy J]

I'm not a single mum myself but my sister in law is and she copes just fine with her two little girls on her own.
When she discovered she was pregnant her mum kicked her out, so she applied to the council for housing. Within weeks she was in a bed and breakfast and a couple weeks later again she was accommodated in temporary housing.
Last year she was offered a permanent house so she didn't have to move anymore and does just fine.
If you are serious about this (from reading your last post I believe your still with your boyfriend) I'd just call the council and explain your situation.
You'll be fine.

 

[chickadee1976]

I was a single mum when Cameron was born, ive raised a wonderful 10 year old boy by myself and honestly cant think of having done it any other way.
Im very proud of him and myself for what we have both achieved

 

[HollyHobby]

I think youre jumping the gun thinking about this tbh.

Your oh hasnt done anything too awful to you and all relationships go through what youre going through early on. Don't give up too easily.
I hate to say this but too many women give up too ealry, and too many urge them to do it, and youve got the baby to think about. It's no fun being a single parent.

Maybe the pair of you could get some relationship councelling?
He sounds a bit insensitive yes, but he doesnt sound like a nasty man who isnt worth hanging in there for.

Because you two havnt known each other for very long, and youve added in pregnancy and a difficult step son, of course it's going to be rough, but you know the saying - you've made your bed.... try and make a go of it. In 10 years time you never know you 2 might be the perfect couple and just had a rough start.

just my opinion on it.

 

[Chopsie]

My cousin is a single mum to a wonderful 11 year old boy.

It hasn't been easy for her, but as the alternative was an abusive bully who only saw the baby as a means of 'trapping' her with him, it was better than the alternative. A lot of people tut and groan about children needing a father, but I don't think this is true at all. Children need positive male role models, and if their father isn't one, they're better off without them. My cousin's boy has wonderful uncles who all adore him, and do twice the job a present but terrible father would do. I had one of those, and I now have nothing to do with him. I firmly believe my childhood would have been much better with a happy mum who wasn't always arguing with her husband, who had precious little to do with us other than to shout at us or get us to fetch things for him

She says the hardest thing is having to be both parents at once, and she constantly beats herself up for being a bad mum, despite the fact that her boy is an absolute joy to be around, educationally gifted, witty, considerate, thoughtful and popular with his peers.

From what you've said in other posts, your partner comes across as pretty selfish. Some of his comments sound really quite hurtful, especially when you've been suffering quite badly with symptoms. You have to ask yourself the question 'what will he be like when the baby's here?' - do you think he'll have a major change of heart and start being supportive? Or will he just stay the same, or worse even?

I don't envy you your choice, but you'll know in your heart what the right thing to do is. Could you maybe spend some time apart? Stay with family for a bit? It'll give you both space to think, and you don't want to make any rash decisions, given the circumstances. Or some counselling? If he's willing to give that a go, it'll tell you a lot about his commitment to the relationship.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do

 

[allycat]

Thanks for all the advice girlies!

And HollyHobby you're probably right, I am giving up too soon...just all the strain of his boy's tantrums every weekend and the constant rows with my OH over that and everything else is too much to take. I was living on my own when I met him and was happy, now I spend most of my time feeling really low and unhappy! Tried talking to him last night and it just fell on deaf ears...! I will see how things go for now, but it's hard to be around him with all the resentment I have towards him!

xxx

 

[HollyHobby]

Maybe cos youre staying in and he's the only one to talk to is getting you down?
Plus all those preggy hormones!
It's not like youre seeing your relationship for what it would be like otherwise.
I bet some women who are having similar thoughts who have been married for years, probably have several kids and had these feelings when having them all.

Maybe list pro's and con's on a sheet of paper. So far you've told us he has a 10 yr old son who stays over every weekend in a cramped place and he's saying your pregnancy isnt an illness so you can do housework.
Has he done anything else?

He must think something of you to ask you to move in so soon.

 

[Sammy J]

Good advise Holly, maybe allycat should not rush into any conclusions.

I know someone that I worked with, she now has a 5 month old baby. When her and her husband started strying they both wanted it and he was really attentive. As soon as she found out she was pregnant (like her next cycle) he was being very cold towards her and saying not very nice things and being very distant (to the point where she though he was having an affair). He had a 16yr old boy from his previous marriage and I think the reality of it was that he felt as though he has done all this before with the nappies etc.

However after they came back from their 12 wk scan he was so overwhelmed everything changed.

So yes, I think give him a chance to get round to the idea and after a while he may realise for himself that you are struggling with your symptoms etc.

However if things start heading for the worst, you can get plenty of support out there if it did come to doing it on your own.