Worthless?

[purplehippy]

I went into delivery suite to be checked out last night, I'd had a sweep on thurs and was told to come in and be checked if I was worried.

OH was yet again absent, at a gig - in London this time, and we live in Cardiff... Well, I've done every appointment this pregnancy, on my own, since after the second or so, because he's a fucking nerve-inducing idiot who can't support me, just goes and gets very angry and offensive at me and the staff for having to wait... Everything has been a complete inconvenience to him since day one despite this being a joint decision. He seemed genuinely upset when the other week I was bleeding for over half a day, and didn't tell him, and just went and got myself checked out alone.

He promised me he'd be leaving London at midday today, and would be back with me etc. Didn't even seem that bothered when I told him when I got out, that I'd been in delivery suite. Well, he's gone to see various mates instead and won't be back til 7pm. And when one of his mates on fb was chatting to me just now and I detailed what my 9 months has been like and that yes she and I can dump the baby on Martin with a few expressed bottles, and get me some fun, he replies on her thread that he's spent that 9 months listening to me complain.

He is an only child who lost his last remaining parent last august just before we conceived and I've spent a year having him abuse me emotionally while I've supported him through everything. And yet again all he can think of is himself. Of course I complained. I needed him to notice how sick I was and to realise I needed help through the severe sickness, my ruptured oesophagus has been a huge issue, the hospital have had me on tons of meds, I've been immobile a lot of the pregnancy, and he still had me helping him with heavy furniture a month ago even though various neighbours have offered to help.

Well excuse me for being sensitive but when the FUCK do I get a break? I don't even have a say in when his irritating and spoilt noisy 9 year old son comes round during this time, and the time following the birth of the baby.

All I do is love him and show him my love. I'm expected to accept the minimal of 'there there' which lasts 2 minutes, and then get on with it. Yet he'll gladly use my condition to back up things when he's talking to other people who ask after me etc.

I am so sick of everything being so fucking one sided.

There. I just needed to rant.

 

[purplehippy]

Forgot to point out that I left him a year ago, cuz he told me to go, then he said he hadn't meant it... And that Iwas going to leave at the end of feb but stood up to him so well that he broke down and changed. Shame in the last few weeks he's been letting the shitty treatment slip back in. I've still got these lower back and front period painst today and I don't feel well.

 

[FebMum2Be]

Oh hun it sounds like you have had a real rough time He should be more supportive, and as hard as this sounds, he can't use the excuse of losing his parents for treating you this way, he needs to accept the help and support you give him instead of pushing you away I'm sorry you have had to go through your appointments and practically the pregnancy by yourself, I hope once the baby is here he bucks up his ideas and supports you more We are always here for support even if it is a few words on a forum xxx

 

[Amyrose]

My advice to you would be RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN!!!!!!!! I had this sort of shit for years with my ex and i can honestly say it doesnt get better yeh maybe for a month even a week but they always slip back. if you ever need support or anyone to rant to just pm me xxxxxx

 

[LilyMac]

Oh chick massive I don't really get on here much lately, only for a quick peek but I didn't want to read and run on this one.
Pregnancy is the most amazing gift in the world but it can be a really shite experience when you don't get the support you need.
My oh was exactly the same, though he did come to all my appointments and worried if I was worried but there was no emotional support there 90% of the time. One day I'd had enough so I left him for a bit and then we had a huge talk and he completely changed once he realised what he was losing, he's been a star ever since though we do have our rough patches every now and then but that happens in relationships and we deal with it and sort it out.
I'm not saying you should leave him, only you can make a choice like that but you definitely need to talk to him and make him understand how serious the situation is. I really hope you can sort things and he starts being a proper man and supports you, you're giving him the best thing a person can get so he should show some respect and gratitude to you.

 

[purplehippy]

Cheers guys. I feel bad for writing this because since the end of feb when I stood up to him and told him my things were packed etc, and told it as it is, he's been fine - he's just been back to his old stressed and bitchy self for a few weeks and has some extra shit to deal with at the mo, like from his ex (mum of his son). But anytime I mention to someone how crap my pregnancy has been, he has to step in. He says he's got a dry sense of humour but I don't think there is anything fun about being nasty about others, specially myself when he thinks he's being funny but deffo doesn't come across as it. For other people I'd suggest showing them what they've written but in our case he'd just take it as an insult and everything would fall back to being my fault. Have had a chat with my friend about it today and my OH is actually gonna be home anytime now, as he ended up not staying as long as he said - but it really upset me that he not only couldn't put me before a gig but then couldn't put me before hanging round a few mates he has up there. Am I that shit to be with? Eh? I try so hard not to mention how I feel about ANYTHINg, like I'm protecting him from extra stress, which certainly isn't nice for me, bottling it up. He just doesn't seem to notice how much effort I put into being there for him, and supportive, and loving - specially during a time when I need love and support and not to be yelled at.

It will all be fine, I just needed a shout. Thanks again guys. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[BabysMomma]

Don't feel bad. Your feelings are valid hun. I think at times men seem to forget what women actually go through when pregnant. They just don't comprehend how much it takes out of you, and especially if you have other health issues going on.

Don't let him turn it around on you either. I used to let that happen to me but doll I'll tell ya, I don't let it happen now. I walked out on my OH for that and other shit for over a year. We got back together and he now knows that I will not tolerate the crap that went on before and he's a hundred times better now...not prefect, but who is

Hope you're ok and can work through it together x

 

[Laverne]

It's definitely cathartic getting your feelings down in print and you’ve done a fantastic job of venting purplehippy, you certainly shouldn't 'feel bad' for sharing these grievances.

Would you consider printing off a copy of your initial post an just giving your OH a copy of it to read? You’ve been able to encompass all of your feelings of loneliness, frustration and resentment in a way that you could never ever describe to him during a one to one conversation as inevitably discussions between aggrieved parties dissolve into he said/she said petty squabbles.

It could be a real eye opener for him and might prompt a change for the better.

 

[suzzi]

i agree with amyrose id run and i did with my ex he was such a nob when i was pregnant the night i was in labour he decided to go out any get pissed up while i was in pain at home all alone!! i went ot all my appoinments on my own he came to one scan!!!

they dont change babe, sorry to say x x but your gonna be doing everything for your baby and have to take his shit, your better off on your own,

and why was he at a friends house who is a girl and not come home to you????

 

[suzzi]

sorry just re read your thread he was not at a girls house just on her thread !!!