Wish my dad cared a bit more

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by Haylian, May 21, 2013.

  1. Haylian

    Haylian Well-Known Member

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    My mum n dad broke up when I was 7, he's never been around really but I've never gone more than a few months without seeing him but our relationship has never been been that great.
    I didn't tell him I was pregnant the first time until we lost it and then my sister told him :mad:

    I was really surprised how upset he was by it and it gave me hope that when we had a baby he might actually show interest and be around a bit more......... No such luck!

    He rang me after our first scan but that's about it, he didn't ring me after our 20 week scan even though my sister rang to tell him etc. he only rings me every couple of weeks if that and I just feel quite emotional about it all today. It must be my hormones cause it doesn't normally bother me but I'm going to see him tonight and I just feel I might let slip how disappointing it is that he doesn't seem that bothered.

    Anyone else in a similar position? X
     
  2. .Ruth.

    .Ruth. Well-Known Member

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    This is me and my dad down to a tee!

    My parents split when I was 8 too and at first he made an effort with me and my brother but as we got older just drifted apart. I speak to him via text/phone once every couple of months and never in much detail. He just doesnt show much of an interest in my life.. or my brothers for that matter.

    When I found out I was pregnant he seemed really happy for us and rang me after 12 week scan, said he'll come up and see us in our new house etc.. he never did. At the time I thought ' oh great hes going to make an effort now' - which I was REALLY pleased about. I hate how I crave the attention from him because I never got any :(

    But alas, he's not made any effort at all and I'm back to being dissappointed at him.


    I find it so strange how someone doesn't want to stay in contact with their children and take an interest in their life. I do hope once my baby boy is born he will take an interest. fingers crossed for both of us.

    Sorry if I've rambled, just can relate so much and hits a nerve ha.

    People are constantly telling me not to expect too much from him etc and I know they're right but he's my dad and I want him to be in my life. Just shit he doesn't see it that way!

    I just focus on the people that do care and ask me how I'm doing etc. And try to remember my dad is part of a different generation - hes quite old. But doesn't stop it being poo does it :(
     
  3. Kimmyj_b

    Kimmyj_b Well-Known Member

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    I know how you feel. My dad and mum broke up when I was 3. Called him to tell him my new and he said 'Well done' and ended the conversation. I was on the phone for less than 3 mins. He then went on holding the next day without telling me. My mum always says "what people don't do for you, you don't have to thank them for" :)
     
  4. Haylian

    Haylian Well-Known Member

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    I know Ruth and I'm the same! I know by now not to expect anything from him but deep down even after all these years I'd still really love it if he did. It's sad more than anything. I have a stepdad who is brilliant but it's just never quite the same :-(

    And KimmyJ that's about how long all my convos last with my day, couple of minutes and then done,, it's like he's ticked a box on his to do list for the month x
     
  5. .Ruth.

    .Ruth. Well-Known Member

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    Just keep thinking its his loss! ... if a grandson doesnt make our dads pull their finger out then they arent worth the tears :) xxx
     
  6. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    don't worry, parents are funny things, unfortunately they are the ones who need to work out their priorities and join in or miss out, however upsetting it can be for those around them. My dad was awful when I told him I was pregnant the first time (as it was out of wedlock!) and then this time its my mum and sister that are being very odd with the news!

    You need to concentrate on you , oh and baby , and maybee your dad will be better once a baby has arrived, men are always more behind on babys as they don't feel it
     
  7. katyloumc

    katyloumc Well-Known Member

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    I don't understand how a dad or a mam can show a lack or interest in their child. It's so hard when we're expecting our's and we couldn't imagine not being part of their life.

    My husband has two children. His daughter has been brainwashed and hates us so much, she's 14. She's been asking him to let her change her surname to her mothers new husbands name. He's always said no until his ex text to say if he didn't they would have to take him to court. We spoke to a solicitor who has said the court would listen to her and in the end agree to change her name, so he had no choice but to do so to save going through all of that horrible feeling. He's devasted and thought one day she would change her mind. He feels its a lost cause and tried to tell her how much he loves her but she's had none of it. He wants that contact but can't have it.


    His son is 10 and he's lived with us for 2 years, his mother has extremely little interest in him and doesn't seem to want to be involved in his life. Which annoys the shit out of me because I can't understand how a mother could a) want them to move away at 7 year old and b) not want to know what they are up to every single day and always arrange to see them, which seems like pulling teeth.


    We bring kids into the world to love and cherish i can't understand why some people have a lack of interest.




    Sorry for the rant and its gone a bit off from your problem ! Hopefully your dad will realise once your little one arrives how much he's missing out on x
     
  8. Gemsy

    Gemsy Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear you so down ladies, luckily for me, I'm not in the situation as my dad is just my hero and fantastic :) I really don't know what I'd do if he behaved like this. Have you thought about saying something to them - we all know how stupid men can be and sometimes they just need telling!
     
  9. NicNak1

    NicNak1 Well-Known Member

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    I kind of know how you feel hun.

    My dad walked out when i was 1 and ive not seen him since, he's never tried to contact me or my brothers, although he speaks with my uncle when they see eachother and my cousin is friends with his son. I've always had the thought of wanting to know where i come from if you know what i mean, everyone says i look like him. I seen him once in Asda (and i said to my OH "he's just walked past his own daughter and doesnt even know who i am" i dont know if he heard me) and then a few aisles down i think he realised who i was and just stared at me as i walked past, then he sat in the car with his wife and son and watched me walk to my car with the shopping and then drove out behind me, i have no doubt he knew who i was and i hoped for a short time afterwards, him seeing me would prompt him to try and get in contact but he never and now im pregnant its playing more on my mind. Some days i think i want to see him and want answers but other days i think no, its his fault he's missing out and the only grandad my child needs is my stepdad! (obviously oh's dad aswell) I'm so confused about it but its pointless thinking about it because he will never get in touch and i dont think it should be left up to me because he was the one that walked out on us.

    Ah so bloody annoying and confusing!!

    Xx
     
  10. Pippa1703

    Pippa1703 Well-Known Member

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    I have similar issues but the difference is I really don't want him in my life.

    My dad walked out when I was 1 also. My brother is only a couple years older and now hes a proper nasty piece of work. When we were growing up hed get in trouble with police etc amd everytime he did, the first comment made would be "he's turning out to be just like his dad" so quite frankly I dont feel like ive missed out on anything.
    My brother and him have been in regular contact for the last 8+years. I remember iwas fifteen when my mum told me they were talking so she said it was only fair to give me his details. I didnt throw them away ceremoniously, I didnt call. It jusy gathered dust til eventually it was lost. I really couldnt care who he is.

    He's got no idea what a good daughter he missed out on, I love amd respect my family. Mt brother disrespects and robs them. I hope they enjoy eachother!!!

    My family have forgot/forgiven my brothers behaviour over those many years (I cant) because he has three children, their only current grandchildren and I understand that. Those children will miss out on an awesome auntie which is a shame but I just cant be around them.

    I dont believe in giving tine to people that don't want or appreciate it. Ive got too many great people in my life to bother!
     
  11. Rachel80

    Rachel80 Well-Known Member

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    This describes me & my mum. She split up with my dad about 4 years ago just after he'd had a stroke & is now remarried & living 5 hours away. I am her only daughter & this will be her first grandchild. I rang her to tell her i was pregnant & she seemed really happy & excited, she was on the phone outside a shop when i told her & during the conversation managed to get into the shop & into the queue as after about 10 minutes she said she had to go as was at the front of the queue! She said she'd call me later, she didn't - instead i had an email from her husband. I am now 22 weeks & i have heard from her 3 times during my pregnancy, recently i haven't heard from her for 5 weeks - then i just get a text saying 'how are you & bump?'.

    Am i wrong for being annoyed? she now has her own life but surely being her only daughter & first grandchild she'd want to know how i'm getting on & be there for me during the major time in my life? Luckily i have my mil but if i didn't i really wouldn't have much female support. She says she thinks about me & worries every day but surely if this was the case she'd pick up the phone or text or email? She doesn't even comment on my facebook photos or statuses about lo, but finds time to comment on her new husbands childrens stuff.

    I'm past caring much now, my oh thinks it really bothers me but it doesn't really - i just know i won't ever be like that with my kids!!
     

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