Suzie and Faith
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Right here goes - bear with me - *edit* i've written way too much here and so don't read it if you don't want to. It's been theraputic writing it and i'm a lot calmer now.
If you do read it, remember, you've been warned...
My mum and dad were both each others 2nd marriages (if that makes sense) and both of them had 3 children with their previous partner. My mum brought hers and my dads children up when they married (the kids were around their teens).
Then when the youngest (my sister) was 14 my mum and dad had me and then 5 years later, my brother.
My mum's always said that the minute she married my dad he changed - he refused to work, to help out or to do anything at all.
My childhood memories are of him in front of the TV, and once I remember mum asking dad if he could watch my brother (then 2) so she could take me to the cinema and he refused and yelled at her for asking (despite the fact it was his son too).
I guess my mum was mentally abused by him more than anything else.
He left when I was about 5 years old but he lived locally.
I remember thinking how peaceful life was without him yelling at my mum.
Anyway, mum arranged that me and my brother should see my dad every Saturday - so she had some time to herself and so we saw our dad.
Not long after moving out my dad moved in with my now step-mum and he moved into her poky flat.
Me and my brother visited him every Saturday for years and my brother still does most Saturdays. I stopped this when i started working/having other things to do (when i was maybe 15?).
But I still went to see him when I did have free time.
He has never shown an interest in me or my brother. He has never asked questions about school, or life in general and our Saturdays were spent in front of the TV, often with me trying and failing to make conversation. Luckily my step-mum was nice and friendly and seemed to care.
My dad hasn't worked since he was about 25! He is claiming disability allowance though i think he was on the dole most of his life. His disability is questionable -physically he is fine, mentally i guess he is a bit agrophobic though he has never told me any of this and most of it is guesswork.
My dads kids - my half siblings - are now gorwn up with kids of their own and they think very little of him though a couple keep in contact.
My dad had never been a dad as such. He never went to any of my school plays even though he was always invited and he always said he'd come. He never showed any interest in my life. Another moment that sticks in my mind is getting a call from him to say that he had a cold and might not be able to make my concert that evening (i played violin) but that he's try. I was so excited that he might be there and i watched the door the whole way through the performance in case he turned up. He didn't.
When I found out i was pregnant i went to tell my dad and he smiled and said congratulations. Was about all he said but i expected no less. I went after the first scan and showed him a pic. He didn't say much then either, but again i didn't expect him too.
When me and Matt (my OH) decided to get married we went and told my dad, taking an invitation and making sure he knew he was wanted there. It had always been my motto that i'd keep in contact even though he has never been to see me, he never calls etc. A week before the wedding we went round again and had a discussion about parking for the wedding and we explained where the church was and my dad was like 'yeah i think i know where that is' and my step-mum said she was really looking forward to it.
The day of the wedding arrives and i'm having my hair done in my living room. I see my step-mum walking up the path and my heart sinks. She came to say that my dad had a cold and wasn't going to come to the wedding. I just nodded, I was trying not to show her how much it had upset me. Then i accidently burst into tears. My mum and older sister (on my mums side) were hugging me and muttering about my dad. My mum said it was typical of him (which it was)My step-mum was upset too and kept saying she was sorry. She then went and I sobbed some more.
Then the phone rang and it was my dad yelling down the phone at my mum something along the lines of 'how dare you say it's typical of me' mum hung up without saying anything then she got upset and I got even more upset.
It's silly, i should have known it was going to happen. He'd never been there before when he should have been.
Anyway, to the point of my SO long post (well done if you're still here!) I haven't spoken to him or my step-mum since. My brother has seen them but i've had no contact. When my step-mum came round on my wedding day she brought us a card. No present though. And whilst presents don't matter in the grand scheme of things i think most people would get something on their wedding day.
Am i doing the right thing in giving up on a relationship that barely existed at best?
My LO will have lots of loving family and he is certainly no loss to LO.
I'm not even sure what i'm asking now. It's just the first time i've ever written about him and i didn't realise how strongly i felt until now.
I bet i've bored you to tears!!!
If you do read it, remember, you've been warned...
My mum and dad were both each others 2nd marriages (if that makes sense) and both of them had 3 children with their previous partner. My mum brought hers and my dads children up when they married (the kids were around their teens).
Then when the youngest (my sister) was 14 my mum and dad had me and then 5 years later, my brother.
My mum's always said that the minute she married my dad he changed - he refused to work, to help out or to do anything at all.
My childhood memories are of him in front of the TV, and once I remember mum asking dad if he could watch my brother (then 2) so she could take me to the cinema and he refused and yelled at her for asking (despite the fact it was his son too).
I guess my mum was mentally abused by him more than anything else.
He left when I was about 5 years old but he lived locally.
I remember thinking how peaceful life was without him yelling at my mum.
Anyway, mum arranged that me and my brother should see my dad every Saturday - so she had some time to herself and so we saw our dad.
Not long after moving out my dad moved in with my now step-mum and he moved into her poky flat.
Me and my brother visited him every Saturday for years and my brother still does most Saturdays. I stopped this when i started working/having other things to do (when i was maybe 15?).
But I still went to see him when I did have free time.
He has never shown an interest in me or my brother. He has never asked questions about school, or life in general and our Saturdays were spent in front of the TV, often with me trying and failing to make conversation. Luckily my step-mum was nice and friendly and seemed to care.
My dad hasn't worked since he was about 25! He is claiming disability allowance though i think he was on the dole most of his life. His disability is questionable -physically he is fine, mentally i guess he is a bit agrophobic though he has never told me any of this and most of it is guesswork.
My dads kids - my half siblings - are now gorwn up with kids of their own and they think very little of him though a couple keep in contact.
My dad had never been a dad as such. He never went to any of my school plays even though he was always invited and he always said he'd come. He never showed any interest in my life. Another moment that sticks in my mind is getting a call from him to say that he had a cold and might not be able to make my concert that evening (i played violin) but that he's try. I was so excited that he might be there and i watched the door the whole way through the performance in case he turned up. He didn't.
When I found out i was pregnant i went to tell my dad and he smiled and said congratulations. Was about all he said but i expected no less. I went after the first scan and showed him a pic. He didn't say much then either, but again i didn't expect him too.
When me and Matt (my OH) decided to get married we went and told my dad, taking an invitation and making sure he knew he was wanted there. It had always been my motto that i'd keep in contact even though he has never been to see me, he never calls etc. A week before the wedding we went round again and had a discussion about parking for the wedding and we explained where the church was and my dad was like 'yeah i think i know where that is' and my step-mum said she was really looking forward to it.
The day of the wedding arrives and i'm having my hair done in my living room. I see my step-mum walking up the path and my heart sinks. She came to say that my dad had a cold and wasn't going to come to the wedding. I just nodded, I was trying not to show her how much it had upset me. Then i accidently burst into tears. My mum and older sister (on my mums side) were hugging me and muttering about my dad. My mum said it was typical of him (which it was)My step-mum was upset too and kept saying she was sorry. She then went and I sobbed some more.
Then the phone rang and it was my dad yelling down the phone at my mum something along the lines of 'how dare you say it's typical of me' mum hung up without saying anything then she got upset and I got even more upset.
It's silly, i should have known it was going to happen. He'd never been there before when he should have been.
Anyway, to the point of my SO long post (well done if you're still here!) I haven't spoken to him or my step-mum since. My brother has seen them but i've had no contact. When my step-mum came round on my wedding day she brought us a card. No present though. And whilst presents don't matter in the grand scheme of things i think most people would get something on their wedding day.
Am i doing the right thing in giving up on a relationship that barely existed at best?
My LO will have lots of loving family and he is certainly no loss to LO.
I'm not even sure what i'm asking now. It's just the first time i've ever written about him and i didn't realise how strongly i felt until now.
I bet i've bored you to tears!!!
What a terribly difficult situation to be in. I think that you sound incredibly brave and incredibly rational considering the difficult position you are in. I think it is one of those situations where only you will know the right thing to do. I think though that you should not feel guilty in any way giving up on your relationship with your Dad as it seems you have made all the steps to give him the opportunity to be involved in your life. Leave the ball in his court now an if he wants a relationship with his grandchild then leave that to him. You have your own new family now and you should redirect all your love and attention to nurturing it. 
24 weeks today congrasts Suzie 
