Why did you have more children?

[Steelgoddess]

This may seem like a silly question but im interested to know why people had more children... I think its more about hope then anything else...

I see some people on here with 3, 4 or even more children..

I must be honest and say HOW THE FOOK DO YOU LOT DO IT???????? Is there some course I don;t know about?

Im talking more mentally then anything, atm as the weeks go by im starting to wonder if I even want more kids. I have never done anything in my life more challenging then this, don't get me wrong I LOVE Hayden to bits, he is gorgous baby and I wouldnt change him for the world, I couldn't imagine life without him but boy its hard work. I know im not the only one who suffers in the "my baby wakes 3+ times a night or is hard to settle" but sometimes I along with my partner just sit there literally thinking what on earth can we do to improve things? Im not talking about waking up for feeds I don;t mind that yes its tiring but its the trying to do everything and he still crys at times...

My hubby also wants to know how people cope without having a nervous break down! I love my son dearly but the way things look he could be my one and only...

 

[SarahH]

I obviously can't answer this from experiance... but... I have been told by many friends that the 2nd or 3rd babies are a million times easier as we are more relaxed as parents and you have the experiance of knowing what to do and not do.

 

[scones]

I know it seems like this is all your world is ever going to be right now Sharne but believe me the baby days are gone so fast, once they get to a year and beyond those birthdays come thinck and fast and you will wonder where your baby went. xxxx

 

[lauramumof2]

I had another because I wanted a sibling for Jessica and because I thought I was the biz! Jessica slept all night, ate very well and we had no bother with her. I was a bit cocky I suppose because number one child was so easy. I thought, lets have another. Well, did I not get a shock. Joe didnt sleep, was a very fussy milk drinker, fussy eater and in general was 20 times more hard work than Jess had been.

I can honestly say if Joe had been my first I might not have had another, certainly not till he was much older.

Now, three will never happen as oh has had the snip.

 

[lauramumof2]

I obviously can't answer this from experiance... but... I have been told by many friends that the 2nd or 3rd babies are a million times easier as we are more relaxed as parents and you have the experiance of knowing what to do and not do.

I thought that would happen but for the first few weeks you might as well be a new mum all over again. All my confidence and knowledge seemed to go out the window.

I was told that two is hard but after that you dont really notice. Not a theory oh was that impressed with

 

[Steelgoddess]

Thanks Laura... I wondered if that was the case...

I wonder if ayone has had a very hard baby but then gone on to have another hard child, hmmm...

 

[Donna's here]

Things will get easier. This is the hardest time to get through and unfortunately the fastest time too. They grow so quick and before you know he will be walking and talking and your look back at this and wonder why you had these feelings. I have 4 sons, 2 were from my 1st marriage then 2 more with this marriage and both times I had them close to each other so I hoped they would grow together but also to do the mum bit in a shorter space of time, but then I didn't plan on nasty divorces and remarrying!
Try to enjoy him and savour everything he does because before you know it the best time is gone.

 

[Steelgoddess]

Hey girlies, yes I do enjoy him, love him, hug him, etc etc im just talking that aside with the others bits...

 

[Squiglet]

Tia was an extremely difficult baby... waking 3 times a night would be a walk in the park. At 11 months she could climb out of her cot... she was running around by 9 months... and she had a multitude of health problems in her first years that saw her (and continues still) in and out of hospital... under various doctors.

I know I wouldn't have coped with another if I had had one straight after. Knowing what Tia was like I don't know how people who get pregnant straight after their first could cope.

Lil miss is easier than her sister but is still a handful. Yes I was a lot more relaxed... and a lot wiser...but she is still quite an active child... Shes also really intelligent and is just constantly learning and into things and has to be constantly stimulated by new things, even if its just playing peep bo:.. She has only just started sleeping through... well she goes down at 9pm and is up at 5am. But the fact that she never slept at one point longer than 20 minutes and was constantly niggly,.... thats a big improvement Its one of the reasons that I am being very careful about having another baby right now.

I had lil miss because Tia isn't DH's daughter and he wanted one too.. so to speak.. Plus I was an only child as such and its scary to think that I will have nobody when my parents die.. only the family I have created myself. My entire history/past is wiped out. No one to share stories about holidays we used to go on or xmas' we spent together, and thats really scary.

I will have another in a year or so. But then I feel that 3 is enough and there are days when I do worry that maybe 3 is too many, especially when I have mounds and mounds of washing to fold As for more kids.. I know that I wouldn't be able to give each one the individual love and care that I want for my kids. Mainly because I work too.. but for me it just isn't fair on Tia, lil miss and lil noob to have more than I can cope with, even if I'm broody for more...

Its just something you've gotta look at and decided how much love/attention your current kids require, how much you want them to have and whether or not you can afford to have more

 

[krissie23]

Im talking more mentally then anything, atm as the weeks go by im starting to wonder if I even want more kids.

I felt exactly the same as you just after I had Amber. I can honestly say up until she turned two, I swore I wouldn't have anymore kids as I didn't think I'd be able to cope and really couldn't imagine having anymore.

As she's got older I've started to relax about things and learnt how to cope, and I'm really 'enjoying' being a Mum now. She's such a joy.. yes I do have difficult days with her when she annoys me and I feel like I can't handle her if she's playing up but she's such a special, wonderful child and everytime she does something new or cuddles me or tells me she loves me it makes me so happy and so proud to be her Mum.

I waited until I felt ready to have another child, obviously it's not born yet but I feel prepared and ready now to be a Mum to two children. Amber is very settled in a routine and is that little bit older now and getting slightly more independent, and I am really looking forward to her having a little brother! Tbh I don't think I could have had a smaller age gap... she will be three & a half when this LO comes along but for me, any younger and I know I wouldn't have felt ready. You will know if you want more or not hun, no one can rush you into it.. you will just know whether you feel ready or not to have anymore!

 

[tattybear85]

we wanted another brother/sister for oliver due to the fact we didnt want an only child and we didnt want a too bigger age gap.....turned out he got a brother and sister there is 2years 4 monthns between them!

This time around has been harder for me not due to the fact i had twins well it is maybe a little bit but they are both the complete opposite to what Oliver was, he was a perfect baby slept through from 10weeks never any health probs fed fine the twins are constantly waking in the night really fussy what they eat when they eat etc etc!!!!!!! and thinknigt brill il have more kids if they are like oliver!! but i guess ive just taken it in my stride

Im not gunna say never to no more kids( well once twins turn 3 then i wouldnt want anymore) but i think 3 is plenty for me!!!

 

[Strangeness]

When I had Aaron I said I wouldn't have anymore children. The shock of having a c section and then having a tiny person depend on you 24/7 was hugeee! No one is ever prepared for having a baby no matter how much they think they are. I remember laying there at one point thinking "I've got to take him home!" and that was mad! The first months are hard because they really do depend on you non stop and you feel like there is no time, they cry a lot because they can only communicate in that way and it's draining. Once Aaron got older and easier I started feeling broody again and I really wanted Aaron to have a brother or sister. Seeing him play all on his own pulled at my heart strings and when he was 2 we decided to have another baby. Tamzin is sooo different from Aaron and a lot easier because we're both so much more relaxed! Aaron was a very active baby where as Tamzin is quite happy chilling and not really moving, she's more of a toy playing girl where as Aaron wanted to run before he could walk . I wouldn't worry about knowing if you want another baby or not so soon after your son because it is hard work and your days are clouded by feeds and bum changes all mixed with being sooo tired! Enjoy him while he's small as much as you can because it goes so fast! Tamzin is 5 months nearly already and to me that's crazy! What's even crazier is my little boy is now 3!

 

[babynumbertwo]

Our 1st was a difficult baby (yes we loved her loads but she didn't sleep well, cried alot and suffered badly with colic) so it took a while for us to feel ready for a 2nd. Eventually though it just seemed the right thing to do and we didn't want our daughter to be an only child. We have quite a big gap but it's worked out really well. So far our 2nd has been much easier - don't know whether that's us being more relaxed or babys personality. Even if you do have a 'difficult' 2nd baby it isn't forever, the tiny baby stage soon passes. Once our first reached 6 months we enjoyed her so much more and everything seemed to fall into place.

 

[Mik]

I always wanted a big family in my youthful innocent days (so long ago rofl) I wanted 6 When I met hubby I was down to 4 and hubby wanted 2 so we decided to have two reasonably close (around 2 years between if we could) and see how things went. Well the boys were fab babies (they had their moments and the first few months is soo hard and soo tiring) so we decided to go for our compromise of 3 kids again with a 2-2/12 year age gap but little miss turned up a little sooner then that.
This one is my number four and was not planned and was a huge shock (blooming doctors should tell you when they put you on medicine that interferes with the pill) I am really nervous as it seems so long since I had a little baby but we have now both got used to the idea and are looking forward to our new little man turning up.
I would say don't worry about it for now hun this part is really hard but it does go so quickly wait until Hayden is a bit older and a bit more settled then decide what you want to do.

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

I know I haven't had one yet so maybe I shouldn't be posting
But we're TTC. The same as when I got preggas with Farooq though....just letting fate take it's course...it'll happen when it happens. Some times we use protection and some times we don't We're not going to push it enough that we start trying to work out ovulation dates etc...although that may be something we come to in a year or so if we've had no joy before then.
At first me and Hubby agreed that about a 1year gap sounded good because there is about 18months or less between all his siblings, which would obviously mean me getting pregnant again when Farooq is only a few months old.
Then I think with the shock of actually having a baby Hubby now says about a 2year gap would be nice But like I say, we're just gona let it happen when it happens At the end of the day our faith plays a big role in it because it's not like we can just MAKE a baby whenever we want

Our reason is because we don't want an only child. He has 2 siblings which he reckons has worked out well and so we've agreed the 'target' number is 3 but at the end of the day you get what you are given
The age gap is really so that they can always interact with each other and be on the same wave length...and it would also be nice to go through the various phases close together so that you're prepaired for them and get them out of the way in one go lol. There is 4.5 years between me and my brother and I can understand peoples reasoning for spacing it out so much but I can honestly say that from my personal experience I often felt like I might as well be an only child
We're constantly growing apart and not really having anything in common because we're always at such different points in our lives. E.g I was dating when he was still really nieave and innocent in middle school, I moved out when he was stil half way through high school....I'm married with a kid and he's just finishing his A levels and has no intention to leave home etc etc

Farooq is a dream baby though, I'd consider him very easy to look after so I think depending on how demanding child number 2 is will determine how long we think about trying to leave it before child number 3...but I doubt the gap would be more than 3 years

 

[nori]

Sharne i could have written your post myself. Ollie only wakes up a couple of times in the night so im lucky there but he does cry ALOT at the moment and it is so draining. I love him to bits though and know that it will get easier (unless everyone else is just lying!lol )

Like yourself, me and my OH have both said "this is damn hard work and one is more than enough" but a part of me does want a brother or sister for Ollie. Im with you though with "how the hell do people do it?" and my hat goes off to anyone who has had to deal with it whilst being poorly themselves.

It is definately the most challenging thing i have ever done. Its all worth it though when they are finally asleep and laying on you all peaceful.

Claire x

 

[hennaly]

its not the baby years you need to worry about its the teenage ones, i look back now and think how easy it was when they were babies compared to gobby rebelious cocky know it all teenages they are now

 

[hennaly]

its not the baby years you need to worry about its the teenage ones, i look back now and think how easy it was when they were babies compared to gobby rebelious cocky know it all teenages they are now

 

[trixipaws]

millie is a handful and iv had some hard times with her (like the zero sleep from 4-8 months!) but i cant wait to have another. idk why i just love it- i love the challenge i spose!

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Well i never wanted more, as you know (see sig for those that dont) but Im so glad I got to be a mummy again.

I truley hated it the first time and loved but didnt bond with DS till he was two, I was stark raving bonkers at times and felt like i was on auto pilot all the time.

But this time Im just loving it I am so much more relaxed and treasuring what I have.

I love them both but the expierience and role i have carved for myself is so much better this time, I think basically Im just getting on with it as opposed to making it a challange/mission to be the best.

I wouldnt say its any easier this time and the age gap of my two means you forget the little things (poo up the babies back, sick in your hair) but I think after an initial overwhelming few days I got back into baby Mummy mode as opposed to elder child mummy (huge difference and an art to switch from the two)

I always saw TTC as being wreakless with my future for some reason (ds was a suprise) its quite hard to explian but I always thought what if I loose it again, what if they are evil devil child, what ifs are really what stopped me but obviously I was destined to have more.

I had the perfect family with the three of us and felt happy with my lot, but now I couldnt imagine life with out Essy however even with the benefit of hindsight I would still never have been so reckless as to have tried for another and Im due to be sterilised in March to make sure their are no further accidents

you might feel different in a few years but there is nothing wrong with having one child.

Sorry for the crap typing Esme is asleep on my typing arm