Who else feels that their life is on hold?!

[phonixgirl]

Oh wow. I would soooo take her!

I just thought to myself, maybe my body is not meant to have a child. I am pretty knocked down this month (even though I know things are better generally) as I felt sooo optimistic. After so many months and years of trying, I should know better!

I have booked an appointment with the FS next week to discuss things. I will explain how painful my periods are, that I have not had a proper PCOS diagnosis yet and want to confirm that I do not have endo as well. I am hoping they might try me on metformin but if not, I have my own version which seems to be working.

Only 2 months now until the holiday and 3 until IVF. I will be in a much better place if my hormones are more balanced. I will go to a reflexologist before the holiday.

 

[Blueflower]

I looked up the case and the mother is 16, doesn't want to give her up but she has been judged unable to parent. She visits her 3 times a week but I don't know if that will continue once she is adopted.

Sounds as if you are going through the mill. But lots of ladies on here with problems have gone on to have their babies, you could be the same.

I think AF is on her way, do you think carrying heavy boxes would make her come?

 

[phonixgirl]

Did she come? I haven't heard of it but I suppose the stress could make her come...

 

[Ragdoll]

Hi everyone ! I agree completely with so much of what you have all said. I initially tried for a baby from the age of 21 with an ex partner , tried for 3 years , had all tests and 6 months clomid no success. I'm now 28 , I've been with my fiancé for 3 years , been trying for 15 months and I've had to have all the tests done again which showed the same problem- low progesterone. Due to start clomid after HSG has been done. I too was given the attitude of "you are so young it doesn't matter, you have plenty of time" . Now though I am really very worried because my mother started the change at 35 and I feel like I'm working against the clock. I'm trying to be relaxed about it but it's so hard when friends and colleagues seem to be constantly pregnant/talking about babies. I'm getting a pair of kittens today because I need to feed my mothering instinct and make myself feel better. My saving grace is my boss and one of my colleagues who are in the same boat as me , it helps to talk to them , they actually make me feel more normal for not being able to conceive !

 

[Blueflower]

Hi Ragdoll, nice you've joined us! It is impossible not to worry isn't it. You can get married at any age but can't have kids at any age.
Yes AF arrived on Tuesday. Nearly finished though which is weird.

 

[Ragdoll]

Hi Blueflower ! Yes no matter whether you've been through it before or not it's still a worry. I've just seen a different consultant today- he said after my HSG I will be referred straight for IVF. The other consultant I saw last month said Id be put on Clomid for 6 months first. I like this new guy ! He was refreshingly honest and said there is no point in me trying clomid again I should just go straight for IVF. Must say it's ridiculous though for them to have two completely different opinions !! Anybody else had this happen?

 

[Blueflower]

Yes! For my 2nd embryo transfer the doctor put 2 back as she said I was 'young for my age' but for round 3 a different doctor put 3 back 'because of my age and reduced chances.' I was only 5 months older!

 

[Ragdoll]

Blueflower that is totally ridiculous ! Why is it the NHS have strict guidelines on most things but on some fundamental issues they are incredibly vague? When it comes to fertility and big decisions they need to have more clarity and really read previous notes, I think sometimes they become so detached they forget that we will be upset when told conflicting things !

 

[Blueflower]

You are right that they are detached, as if we aren't real people. These are private consultants but I doubt the criteria is any different! I've had other insensitive things said to me too in the last few years, a nurse who said I might go travelling after IVF, which I thought implied it wouldn't be successful! And a doctor who said we need to establish if I'm slowly entering the menopause! That was 3 years ago and I shouted "noooooo!" at him!

 

[Ragdoll]

That is awful ! I don't think they consider their words before they speak. If they had any idea how it feels to be in this situation they wouldn't say things like that. I for instance expressed concerns that my mum began the change early at 35-I was simply told "don't worry about it" - yes like I can just eliminate all concerns without any back up evidence !

 

[Mar_15]

Hi ladies, Talking of annoying doctors I have a good one for you. Went to my gyno last week to get referred for testing. I mentioned there was a history of PCOS in my family and he said "don't worry, that doesn't change anything" and sent me on my way. So good news PFers with PCOS - no fertility issues expected! Idiot.

 

[Ragdoll]

Oh my goodness Mar_15 that's unbelievable ! So insensitive !

 

[phonixgirl]

I can totally relate to these issues! During a scan for IUI, a nurse casually said, "You do have polycystic looking ovaries... Not sure if you knew that..." It really hurt as I had no idea! I have not been tested properly for PCOS or given a proper diagnosis, and I have also been told that, as I ovulate, it should not prevent me from conceiving (even though I am adamant it has messed up my hormones completely and I am not sure I ovulate 'properly'). Oh - and they gave me clomid for IUI, I responded too well then said I never needed it in the first place...

Still no further forward but rant over!

 

[millielaura]

Oh don't even get me started on stuff they have said to me hahaha.
I got told "no 14-17 day cycles are fine if you have a bleed you're ovulating" I was like no you don't understand theres no time to get pregnant "you're young its fine"

And by the clinics receptionist. "Did you have follicles then" "only immature ones i havent responded at all to the clomid" "oh you're young im sure you'l get preg easily". FML lol yes because I've been ttc almost 20 months now and people a lot older get preg easily but no i will get preg easily as I'm young

And my personal fave from a gp

"Oh you're young why do you want a baby , go and have fun, how can you even afford a baby". I kid you not. Haha I was shocked!!If I get one more innapropriate comment about my age I will scream lol.

I was told for ages there was nothing wrong at all and everything was perfect as I'm young. Yet it was then found I don't ovulate often myself and have one tube blocked from scarring. I feel like going back to the 5 GP's I tried before I was listened to and saying SEE . hahahaha
Gosh some of them need training in empathy sooo bad!!

 

[Mar_15]

There's one good thing about all of this though. When we do have our kids we will be brilliant mums because we are never going to get fobbed off by doctors or anyone else. It's a good lesson in how to advocate for yourself.

 

[phonixgirl]

Yes we will! Keep pushing for answers!

I finally got a proper diagnosis of PCOS today from an extremely helpful and understanding doctor who looked beyond my size. She offered me metformin (to start when I get back from holiday in Sept) and progesterone supplements, to start immediately.

I was right all along! Frustrating thing is that they could have done this 2/3 years ago!!!

 

[Mar_15]

That's brilliant news! Really happy for you. Well done for staying strong and getting them to listen. xx

 

[Blueflower]

That's great news! Yes about advocating for ourselves, our new consultant found the notes I'd copied and brought along, and the IVF cycles summary I produced, much more useful than the notes in front of him! It was funny because each time he asked a question, I had a sheet of paper with the answer on! He said "you can come again!"

 

[phonixgirl]

Hahaa - see we know so much more than them and we know our own bodies! I really hope this IVF cycle is the one, Blueflower Xxx

 

[SiameseCatLady]

I so know how you feel. My approach was, just do those things anyway. Got a new car yesterday and trying to decorate house to spruce it up a bit and take my mind off everything. However, it doesn't always help! The car saleswoman could not stop herself going on about children and when we are going to have them and that the car is perfect for children etc. Every time I hear something like this or watch a program that has something about pregnancy at all or just ANYTHING, it's like a physical pain in my stomach.
I am nearly 34 and I want my parents and husband's parents to be in our children's lives. The children are, though, at this point, very imaginary and seemingly, almost too far out of reach...