Who else feels that their life is on hold?!

[snowbee]

Ohh Blueflower good luck with that pos opk, hope you can convert it to a natural bfp

 

[Blueflower]

Thanks! Didn't feel myself ovulate though, unless it happened when I was asleep. So didn't bother to BD again as it never works! Trying to be hopeful that we did it enough at the weekend anyway.

Been thinking today, if we don't have children because I'm too old I will have gone straight from the 'Finding a partner, getting a career' stage straight to 'Being an old lady'! Missing out a whole chunk of life which I expected to be the main bit!! Anyone else feel like that?!

 

[Loubalouba]

Yes I always thought my main bit of life is the family bit! Like my life would not be complete without it... Life is never what u expect and u constantly have to re-adjust to what it throws at u!! Good luck this month Hun, a positive opk is great, I am starting testing tomorrow to see if we do a natural FET or a medicated one, last month I am sure I did not ovulate so will see if I do this month!

People get pregnant against all odds so there is still plenty of hope!!

Xxx

 

[Blueflower]

Thanks lovely! What test do you have to determine that? Never got as far as a FET!

 

[phonixgirl]

I still find it difficult when anyone announces their pregnancy.

My husband's cousin (aged 24) had her first baby (unplanned, I hasten to add) in September. Then she got pregnant again three months later with her second (again, unplanned). I love the family to bits and I love the children (they have asked us to be Godparents and are aware of our situation) but they have no money and need to get on their feet first really. Argh.

As for the age thing, that's ridiculous. We got married when I was 25 (I'm now 31) and were NTNP for at least a year before that. I only found out about a year ago that I had polycystic ovaries and now I believe I have full-blown PCOS and do not ovulate properly.

I have tried to see myself without kids but I struggle. Just today, we were talking about our future child and how we couldn't wait to be parents... Argh.

This cycle has been a funny one for me. I have been on two courses of antibiotics and found that they are great for CM (I am usually very dry). I thought EWCM was just a myth until about a week ago! I do not think I will get a BFP this cycle because my body has been too busy fighting infections, so I will be keeping my fingers crossed for the next few months.

 

[Blueflower]

I have high NK cells and had the full immune protocol last ivf so if my immune system is low due to a cold or infection I'm hoping that it wouldn't kill of any embryos either!

 

[Loubalouba]

Oh just ovulating testing to see if they can tie the transfer into my natural cycle rather doing the medication cycle so far had 2 high days just waiting for my peak but can't try this month as got to have the scratch done again!!

Another member of my team announced their pregnancy today so I am surrounded! No sympathy from my DH just told me to stop letting other people's pregnancy make me miserable!! Grrrr I think I have coped really well considering our ivf cycle has just recently failed... Surely I am allowed a bit of a rant about this!! This team member started Ttc at the same time as us and this is her 2nd child, how does it happen so easily for people!

Men they just don't seem to understand and we just argue and then I feel 10 times worse, another shitty day... Hope others have had better!! Xx

 

[Blueflower]

Oh I see, would you rather a natural cycle?
Oh no, is there anyone left in your team who isn't pregnant?
Oh men are so insensitive sometimes, my DH used to say that, luckily he's better now but I don't confide in him so much because of it sadly. It makes him think I'm ok about it though which isn't good.

 

[Loubalouba]

My only worry is that I may ovulate this cycle but then next cycle what if I don't and then I can't have the transfer! I think it would be better but I will be more anxious as to whether my ovulation etc would be good enough! Not sure if I get given progesterone whether natural or medicated! Will find out more next week I hope once I have or have not ovulated! Yeah I feel sad I can't talk to my DH in the same way I can my mum or close friends, I said to him tonight, tell you what I will just speak to my friends about it as clearly I can't talk to you!! Not many and one is going to be starting to try for her second so soon probably 3 people will be pregnant! I just pray this FET works otherwise I will have to watch everyone else's bump grow but my own and that fills me with dread but I must not think like that!! It will work it will!!! Please....
How do you feel this cycle is going? Did you dtd lots around your positive opk? When is ur next appt? Xx

 

[phonixgirl]

Louba, my DH is like that too. Argghhh.

A lady at work announced she is going to be a grandmother. She went overkill on their wedding (which was about a year ago) so I am going to have pregnancy then baby chatter to listen to now. Luckily I don't sit right next to her but she does talk about it A LOT. Very difficult when you have been trying for 7 years, married for 6, and not even a sniff of a BFP.

I have been very irritable lately and just had an argument with DH as he was going out of the door. I tell him that he has no idea how upsetting this all is for me but he just doesn't seem to understand. I talked to my friends but then he complained that I wasn't talking to him!!! All this makes things even harder for us. Louba - can you get counselling at your fertility centre? We can at ours (free) - might be worth considering. We are waiting for IVF but I would defo have the counselling too as I ended up off work with depression in March and I don't want a repeat...

Xxx

 

[Loubalouba]

Hey phonixgirl

7 years.. Oh Hun how do u keep going? Yes we can have counselling, I have had hypnotherapy when I too was probably depressed and it helped soooo much but I still have my moments and being surrounded by pregnant people does not help!

How long do you have to wait for to have ivf ? U soooo deserve it to work first time!! Keep me posted!

Yes they just don't get it!! But how can they, they don't long for a baby like we do, it's a natural maternal drive that they cannot understand so they think about it logically unlike us who think and feel with our hearts!!

Hope u get your BFP soon Hun... I never imagined it would be this hard!!! I have always envisaged being a mum! Have u thought about adoption? We are talking about it now xx

 

[Blueflower]

People get pregnant against all odds so there is still plenty of hope!!

Xxx

I have been inspired by that comment to change my Journal title, thank you!

 

[Blueflower]

My only worry is that I may ovulate this cycle but then next cycle what if I don't and then I can't have the transfer! I think it would be better but I will be more anxious as to whether my ovulation etc would be good enough! Not sure if I get given progesterone whether natural or medicated! Will find out more next week I hope once I have or have not ovulated! Yeah I feel sad I can't talk to my DH in the same way I can my mum or close friends, I said to him tonight, tell you what I will just speak to my friends about it as clearly I can't talk to you!! Not many and one is going to be starting to try for her second so soon probably 3 people will be pregnant! I just pray this FET works otherwise I will have to watch everyone else's bump grow but my own and that fills me with dread but I must not think like that!! It will work it will!!! Please....
How do you feel this cycle is going? Did you dtd lots around your positive opk? When is ur next appt? Xx

I can't even talk to my mum about it. She's very difficult and makes everything about her so I stopped telling her anything when I was about 22!

We only DTD twice around the fertile time but once was the day of the positive so you never know! I couldn't be bothered to DTD any more as it never works even when we put the effort in when we're tired so its not worth it. I've had lots of horrible dreams about weeing blood and pooing ugly fish (sorry for grossness) which have been really disturbing. Felt as if AF was coming early again but as I ovulated early, she maybe be here earlier than expected.

We have an appointment in London next week with a new consultant to discuss our final IVF cycle with the embryo screening and hopefully agree timescales and medication.

When is your FET?

 

[phonixgirl]

Blueflower - good luck. And I have read miracle stories so keep on trying - it will happen. X

Louba - we started NTNP, then I did a course so everything stopped for a while (big mistake). Then I finally started noting down the length of my cycles, dates etc. I realised I was spotting from 3 to 7 days before my period too, which I never used to do. Fast-forward a year and no success so I started Googling, trying supplements and found when I was ovulating. I also found Fertility Friend but have never temped.

Gradually, the spotting got worse, so much so that sometimes I would be bleeding heavily from ovulation to AF (and have a full AF). Eventually, we went to the GP and got referred to a FS. I was told I had polycystic ovaries but ovulated and so metformin probably wouldn't work. I over-responded to Clomid (although it stopped my premenstrual bleeding completely!) and had three failed IUIs. I have continued to Google and try more supplements (much to DH's annoyance) to try and find anything to help.

I have actually got to the point where I have started telling people I can't have children so they don't just expect it anymore...

 

[Blueflower]

Oh that is sad to say that Phoenixgirl, I can understand why you do though.

 

[phonixgirl]

On a positive note, looks like I have managed to reduce my spotting from a couple of weeks to just a few days. It is also less heavy and not so much of the bright red stuff. But looks like I ovulated a day or two later than usual, so AF is keeping me waiting. I want it over and done with now.

 

[Loubalouba]

Ah blueflower I am so glad u felt inspired by that, it's true I have heard of many people get pregnant against all odds, one lady at work had 3 children after trying for 10 years and she was in her 40's, another lady got pregnant at 45 years old... Soooo there is always hope, I do think it will happen for us I just wish it would happen soon! I got my surge on Sunday so going for bloods and scratch on Monday wait for period and then start our cycle for the FET either un-medicated or medicated ( bloods will decide) so will be mid August... Can't wait! One of my team brought their new born baby in today and just complained how tough it was and does anyone want her!!!

Phonixgirl have u tried acupuncture or reflexology? It really helped regulate my cycle...

You still have ivf so u r a long way off saying u can't have children!! It's easier though than explaining it all I guess...

The time I got pregnant was when we dtd on the day of the surge, I know what u mean I have got like that, all that effort and never a bfp!

At least u will get a plan next week to start focusing on if no joy this month, fingers crossed u don't need a plan!! Xxxxx

 

[Blueflower]

Ooh when your colleague said that, did you go "me me!"!!

 

[phonixgirl]

I would have said, "me, me, me!!!" and jumped around waving my hand excitedly in the air

DH isn't on board with the acupuncture thing (we did go for a consultation). I could get away with reflexology I think, as it's cheaper. I do want to try one of them though.

AF came with full force this morning (always does when late). Terrible stomach pains. Plus, I felt faint, had sweats, and was sick. I had to take today off work.

Didn't think PCOS would cause all of that so maybe there is another underlying issue, eg endometriosis.

 

[Blueflower]

Oh that sounds awful. I am willing AF to stay away and ignoring any symptoms!

There is a 6 week old baby in our office now! She has been relinquished and they are planning the adoption. Some lucky couple are going to get an actual baby! So rare these days. She's really sweet, I don't know if she has any problems but she looks perfect!