What's wrong with me?

[Sprk]

I feel so bad for posting this but I need to hear from someone that I need to stop feeling bad.

I had a long labour (22ish hours) and a forceps delivery with an episiotomy. With my first it was 24 hours and an emergency c. I can't help but think something is wrong with me, that I can't seem to give birth like other women. I feel like I 'failed' to push successfully enough, so I'm not good enough. While I was in the post natal ward, I saw lots of women who were able to just get up and walk around (albeit slowly) just hours after giving birth.

The non hormonal and rational part of my brain are telling me it's stupid to think this way. I have two happy and healthy children (and I am really really grateful for that) and it is normal to need help during labour (that's why it's there). I just wish I could start feeling that way too.

 

[CamFi]

Of course you only saw the women who were able to walk... The other women were stuck in bed like you!

I was one of the lucky ones who could walk, but I still felt like a failure, I also had a long labour (60hrs early labour to get to 3cm, then another 13hrs in hospital) I felt terrible and embarrassed that I completely lost it mentally and couldn't cope at all with the pain, ended up taking all the pain relief I could get, and epidural etc.

Logically I know I was tired, and baby was back to back so more pain than usual, and the pain wasn't going away in between contractions, but some part of me still feels that I should have been able to cope better.

Basically what I'm saying is that it's very common to feel bad about birth, and that even those people you're comparing yourself to might be feeling just as bad. at the end of the day, don't beat yourself up, you successfully made it through two difficult births, that's an awesome achievement you can be proud of! congratulations!

 

[Cherrybelly]

I had a 36hr labour which resulted in an emergency caesarian after I didn't progress past 8cm, then lost 2.5l of blood on the table and couldn't hold my baby for an hour until I was in recovery. Baby refused to breast feed and I really struggled for the first few weeks feeling like a failure and in a lot of pain. She's now almost 12 weeks and I'm (almost) over it. I think it's hard as society gibes you all these images of what giving birth and being a mother should be. I love my baby more than anything but I didn't feel the rush of love when she was first born due to the complications. You're not a failure, you grew to gorgeous babies. Take care xxxx

 

[ema-lou24]

I would never say you where a failure, I'd say your my hero for managing to get through such a tough labour and produce 2 healthy babies that you love dearly.
Any woman who can bring a child/ren into the world, are amazing. It doesn't matter how they are brought into it, but you made them and at end of day made sure they got here safe.
I hate to think of you thinking your a failure where in reality your just showing your bloody amazing that not only did you bring 2 healthy kids into the world, u also done it in quite a difficult way.
You deserve a medal ladies xx

 

[Kiagirl]

I had a fairly complicated labour but managed to push her out. I certainly don't think anyone who needs a bit of help is a failure! You managed to carry a baby to term and the 2nd time you didn't have as much intervention. I hate the way people say oh I was in labour for 4 hours and did it all natural! I was 3 days from start to finish and after they gave me the drop to speed me up my contractions went from 0-10 in 1 minute so I had an epidural and loved it. Do I feel like a failure - no, I'm proud that we both got through it safe and sound. And anybody who can do that deserves a medal

 

[Ella1979]

I think it's quite natural to feel that way and in no way stupid. I had an emergency c-section with my first (after failed induction for pre-eclampsia) and didn't get to see or hold her until 3 days later. If I hadn't had a section, my daughter would have died. I think because of that, I've never felt like I'm a failure for not being able to deliver her naturally, but I do remember wondering why so many women could give birth naturally without many problems and how unfair the whole thing felt.

 

[Sprk]

Thank you everyone. I think it's my hormones getting the better of me and I'm just being hard on myself. After my first, I told myself that I needed to keep an open mind about labor and that anything can and will happen - it's just the way it is. I thought mentally I was prepared this time, but I guess not. But either way, the most important thing is that my lo arrived safely - it doesn't matter how. Thanks again for the kind words

 

[SR35]

I also just had a long labour, ventouse delivery, episiotomy and ended up having every drug going!! Feel like a wimp for not managing to cope with the pain and wanting an epidural when I had all along wanted as natural as possible. However we don't need to feel bad as every birth and every woman is different, the main thing is we have our babies safely here and as traumatic as it was, the memory of it will fade in time. Enjoy your little one and try not to worry xx

 

[babysunshine]

same as u had a long labour , took every pain relief available but still couldn't push in the end had forceps and third degree tear felt like a failure afterwards especially seeing that some women 'enjoy' labour made me fill with guilt but it went with time . Honestly speaking having children is tough and having complications makes it harder physically and emotionally. we are lucky that we have the appropriate care available to us in this country. Don't be hard on yourself.

I remember the one thing which made me guilty was the scars on my daughters face and the shape of her head I couldn't get over her having gone through pain but 3 months on her head shape is fine and the scars went within two days

 

[sophiadavies]

I totally feel the same due to a complicated awful labour and birth(c sec), isn't it strange how much it affects us? but I feel a pang of jealously of people who give birth vaginally as It didn't happen for me. Thing is if I have another I will almost certainly have an elective section as I don't think I could through the trauma again. Its comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this, even though I know its pointless and irrational x