What a huge rut, What would you do?

[Becks2008]

Hi ladies, Ive had enough with my "partner" im in need of some opinions of some kind becuase i feel like im just going mad

Ive been with my partner for 3 and a half years and weve kind of been on and off and had many problems in the last year and half. At the moment were kind of together but not in a commited relationship becuase he says at the moment he dont want a relationship...I just feel like were going nowhere when all i want is to settle down with the man i love so much.
Last week he said to be he wants/is going to newzeland with his dad for a month hellooo what about me? seems like he couldnt care less to leave me behind. Now tonight his been round to tell me he really wants and will go traveling around the world in 2 years for about 3-6 months, he said im welcome to come if i want but this is something i do not and wont do!

I feel so upset i love this man to bits but he controls everything its upto him when he sees me, he does everything he wants he wont commit to me he wont even make plans to come bloody theme park at the end of this month but yet his more than happy to plan and pay for holidays with his friends!!

What do you ladies think? What should i do? Am i being taken for a mug?
I know its my decision but i need some kind of opinions on this because i dont want to make the wrong decision , should i walk or stay

 

[lfc_sarah]

To be honest i dont think anyone can tell you to leave or stay..
Youre the only one who knows him, and knows your relationship

Why not try and have a talk with him first?
No shouting ect, just talk to him, tell him how you feel ect and see if anything changes..

Then if its still the same, your still unhappy, then think about ending it

Some lads can be insensitive, without actually meaning to be or realising it

xxx

 

[Sherlock]

I remember when my first real partner, well the first man I truly loved announced he was off to the US for 3 months to travel across it. I was devastated, but saw that trying to persuade him to change his mind was pointless. He was restless and wanted to experience something new overseas. So I gave him my blessing.

3 months passed and he sent postcards and phoned a few times. And then came home. However, while we were fine he had the travelling bug and then decided it was off to Australia via a round the world trip. I just wasn't ready to go with him at the time, emotinally or mentally, on a trip that would have lasted 2 yeas plus. So I chose to stay behind while he went. We ended our relationship and stayed good friends. And still are to this day. No hard feelings. He was gone about 3 years on that one trip. And although he came back to the UK for short periods of time he lived overseas for over a decade.

I myself then went overseas about 18 months after he did. I spent 7 years living elsewhere and had an amazing time. Best experience of my life, well to more recent events anyways. But in terms of living life, it most definately was.

So I can understand where your partner is coming from. He wants to spread his wings, see a bit of the world. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Its not a 2 week holiday with his mates, its a potentially life changing experience and I think he's being upfront and honest with you about what he would like to do. You can't see the world in 2 weeks. If he can't commit to a theme park at the end of the month I'd be wondering about his commitment issues overall, but do feel that some people are just not ready to settle down when their partner is, so tend to be more unreliable in this way.

His going to New Zealand for a month, again I don't see a huge issue with. Its a 30 plus hour plane journey to get there and terrible jet lag. You can't cram it in in 2 weeks. So why not take a month and make the most of it.

He's not telling you its over either. He's asking you to come with him if you would like to. And that its a fair way down the road tells me he still feels he will be with you then. If he goes for 6 months its not the end of your relationship. Many couples spend chunks of time apart and manage. My husband and I spent 3 years living apart (him in Australia, me in the UK) before he was able to finally move here 2 years or so ago. Solid relationships can stand time apart.

If you are still on the youngish side (and by that I mean somewhere under 30) I really don't see why you are wanting to rush him into settling down. Some people really are not ready for it in their 20's. My ex certainly wasn't. And looking back neither was I. I didn't meet my (now) husband till I was 31.

I think he has different wants and needs and expectations from his life at this point. Maybe at some time in the future he'll be on the same page as you, but you can't force him to be there *now*. If you try to deny him the chance he'll probably end up resenting you for it. Maybe he is being a bit selfish but at least he is being honest about what he hopes to do. If I were able to go back 15 years I'd jump at the chance of a round the world trip in a heartbeat.

I'd just let him make his plans, he has to work and save hard to afford it, and see how you feel about possibly going with him when you hear where he hopes to go and what he hopes to do. Seeing some of the world is IMHO really worth it. And doing so before you come back to settle into life is probably better doing it now than doing it 10 years down the road. Its stepping outside your comfort zone, but if you and he feel you want to be together then maybe its worth you considering. Sometimes we *have* to take a step outside our comfort zones to really understand and appreciate what our partner is feeling. I know I had to when I went to Australia to see my OH back in 2004. But I did it and had the most amazing time and it took our relationship to the next level and we are where we are today because of it. Without it, we would probably have decided to end it.

If you don't go then I would think he'll go regardless. You may feel able to stay with him and let him travel then or choose to end it. I personally don't see it has to be the end of a relationship, you are not married, no children that I am aware of etc. Or may decide a clean break is better therefore giving you a chance to meet someone else in the future.

Maybe he is being a bit selfish, but better he do that now than 10 years down the road.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Very well put Sherlock

If you love someone set them free, if the love is real they will come back to you

 

[jenna]

If its meant to be its meant to be. IMO if he doesnt want to commit to you then maybe its best to let him go? If he's selfish enough to wonder off and leave you on your own. I know it probably sounds harsh and i dont want to upset you Its hard when you love some one especially when there giving you some hope of the relationship working

 

[Babylicious]

 

[trixipaws]

/\ /\ what the others said