What would you think....

[Sunflower]

I am totally gutted and so upset dont know what to do whether to kick my husband out or to try and work things through....

So confused

My husband and i have been married for 18 months and been together for 4 years but have known each other for about 15 years. Up until this point I have never thought he would cheat or even think about cheating I honestly thought he thought the world of me and was excited to have a baby.

This morning he asked me to go onto his laptop and send a document to him so he had it to work on . I am not a snooper and I did it while I was on the phone to him. He asked me to check it had sent so went into his sent folder. There i saw 6 emails to this girl that he was at school with and is now "friends" with on facebook.
the mail went a bit like this.....
Her.... Hi you are you still missing me? xxxx
him... yeah of course x x x x what are you wearing??
her..... keep it clean I am in work
him..... clean is boring....

I just went deadly quiet on the phone and said OMG i cant believe what I have just read and hung up!!

he raced home as i was working at home and just said its not what you think its just banter. He tried to convince me that it was nothing it was just email banter. But for me whether it was or not its what is intended - for me thats cheating... apart from the fact it sounds like they have been at it even if they havent he knows my feelings on what is and isnt cheating we have been very open about that

I dont know what to think.. half of me wants to believe him and the other half just doesnt ! for me the trust has gone!! why would there be any emails like this if nothing was going on! am totally gutted! and shit scared that actually something is going on!

I am 5 months pregnant!! and honestly cant believe this !

I Just dont know how to get through this! but every image in my mind is me coping on my own! I just cant shift it

Be honest dont tell me what you think i want to hear ... how would you feel... half of me wants to email the girl......
Sunny xxx

 

[chickadee1976]

Honestly if i read that Brian would be out on his ear, but im not the forgivng type.

Sounds like if nothing else there has been some heavy flirting happening.
I wouldnt email her as she will probably say nothing till she has spoken to your husband anyway.

id speak to your husband some more and find out what really went on he shouldnt be acting like this with another girl.

 

[mum's the word]

I would email the girl-get her take on it. It could indeed be just 'banter' but it's completely unacceptable banter if it is. Good luck

 

[LisaJ1986]

I'm an idiot and let it go. But we've had the hardest time and he knows he'll never see us again if he actually did anything.

 

[Sunflower]

Thanks girls - thats how I feel!!

I have her email address and access to his email - to see any response to my email sent. But to be honest if i get to that stage the trust has gone and its over anyway!

I am going to try and talk to him later tonight and see what he says and suggest i send the email and we watch for her response together - and see what he thinks! and how he reacts.

I just dont know something doesnt feel right ! I usually have good gut feelings! and I have a feeling there has been more than emails!

feeling very down! what is worse is I have just realized that the day he is busy flirting with this woman is the day our first baby - who we lost at 7 weeks should have been born!

feeling very down and humiliated at the moment and cant talk to anyone about this! dont know what to do

-(

 

[Sunflower]

I'm an idiot and let it go. But we've had the hardest time and he knows he'll never see us again if he actually did anything.

what do you mean? did i miss some of your response?

 

[Babylicious]

hes obviously got something to hide or he wouldn't have rushed round. Speak to him and then look at all the emails etc so you are sure he's being honest!

 

[Sammystar]

firstly

I know what you're feeling right now. Been there.

It doesn't sound too good. I don't call saying 'are you missing me?' harmless banter. You either miss somebody or you don't, and if you do, it's because they mean something to you.

You need to have this out with him big time. It doesn't have to mean the end if that's not what you want, but he sure has to make up some ground with you now.

As for her. Does she not realise he's married????

 

[Snuggle]

I would be fuming hun The only thing that makes me think he is telling the truth is that he asked you to check his sent items and if he was worried about anything in there then he wouldnt have wanted you near the laptop
Its too much for banter though, thats a step too far in my books and I dont know if I would be able to trust hubby reading things like that

 

[Sunflower]

Thats my thinking too !!! why would you even ask if you are still missing me?? that sounds like to me that something has gone on! why would she even ask that?? and why would he then say of course!! and then if it is banter why would he then go on to ask what she is wearing? it just doesnt make sense! i think something has happened!

She is married too!! with three kids!!

But to be honest - i am not bothered about her situation I am bothered that he could even do this to me!

what is in his mind is half as bad as following it through in my "perfect world" I just dont believe him and am so scared of doing this on my own! its going to be so hard but the more I read the email the more I think that something has happened and for me thats it there is no grey! its black and white for me as far as fidelity!

He is due home in about half an hour and I want to tell him to go and even tell him not to come home.

I am all over the place I just dont know what to do - just never thought this would happen to us!

 

[LisaJ1986]

I'm an idiot and let it go. But we've had the hardest time and he knows he'll never see us again if he actually did anything.

what do you mean? did i miss some of your response?

I have to be careful what i say on here but if you wanna chat pm me. It's just some things i say are actually reported back to people round here as i'm spied on!!!

He's cheated on me! And i've found things out since, that's all.

 

[Snuggle]

I'm an idiot and let it go. But we've had the hardest time and he knows he'll never see us again if he actually did anything.

what do you mean? did i miss some of your response?

I have to be careful what i say on here but if you wanna chat pm me. It's just some things i say are actually reported back to people round here as i'm spied on!!!

He's cheated on me! And i've found things out since, that's all.

 

[MagicMarkers]

Been there too hun, except my Oh at the time decided to change all his email passwords but insist something was going on, and then smashed my phone when i got the girls phone number to find out what was happening, pm if ya want a chat but ultimately just see how your feeling once youve seen what this girl has to say, im a bit of a sneaky for finding stuff out ( well was with that OH)

Id email this girl as him saying about meeting up * again* or something and see how she responds to that, itll sort for you once and for all whetehr there was ever a first time they met up !

Hope you get to the end of it soon hun

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Im not the forgiving tyoe and after reading something like thst hes be out no questions asked!

Im very unforgiving as ive been cheated on before.

 

[mamichuli]

How awful for you, i would be gutted. All i can say is that you need to talk. He is way out of line even if it is only banter. For me it is a question of honesty and being truthful with each other. Telling lies is not just when you say something untrue, it is when you hide something for your own benefit. Its lieing by omision and just as bad.



Lisa

 

[nazmomi]

He's totally out of order hun, even if it was just e mailing it has gone way too far. He obviously knew what you had read or wouldnt have rushed round.
Good luck whatever you decide

 

[Krystal]

I'd feel very hurt and betrayed

If you want my honest opinion.. I would say something has gone on. You only miss someone if you have been with them and spent some time away iykwim.. like if I had seen Si and then i'd not seen him for a week i'd text him saying.. miss me or something like that. So to me that suggests he has spent time with her at some point. The what are you wearing bit could of been innocent (??) but the fact that she then replied saying keep it clean says to me that she knew that was meant in a naughty kind of way. Thats what I honestly feel but of course I could be wrong.

In terms of what you should do... well only you can decide that. I think to sit down and talk things through with your partner. Tell him if he is not 100% honest with you he should walk away. If he is honest then maybe you have a starting block for building things back up again. People do make silly mistakes. Not that i'm excusing his behaviour as I actually feel sick thinking about how hurt you must be feeling.

Take care of yourself sweetie

 

[jennifer1981]

This is not at all what you need right now.. especially with you being pregnant. You are prob feeling very vulnerable too.

I would class it as cheating and suspect that it might have progressed with time but thats just me with a suspicious mind ( having been cheated on before by an ex)

I prob wouldn't go as far as to email the woman coz no matter what she said she could have been brifed by your OH before hand anyway... also she is likely to play it down as you mentioned she is married.

Just see what he has to say and take it from there hun.

for you as you must be feeling really sick to your stomach xx

 

[*Cupcake*]

I found my ex with alot of things like this on his pc. He would talk his way out of it but the true came out in the end which is why he is my ex.

 

[Tillytots]

Jeez hun the man needs his balls chopped off Arghhhhh Im so angry for you!!

There is nothing innocent in those mails, whether its 'just' flirting or not its BANG OUT OF ORDER and a betrayal to you. He shouldnt talk to any women like that other than you. I really hope you are ok, well as ok as you can be I dunno what Id do to be honest...kick his ass probably