What to do?

[lillou]

ok sorry in advance if this seems long but please read, i dont know what to do!

my OH has not spoken to his gran from his dad's side for various reasons but the main one being because of his mum. Because his mum didnt get on with his gran my OH has been brought up not speaking to his gran. now he doesnt have much to do with his mum as he has learnt the hard way that she is not a nice person he has admitted it was her fault he doesnt have any relationship with his gran.

we are getting married in 2009 and his gran has very kindly offered to pay for our wedding cake. i have only met her once and she was lovely but my OH hasnt seen her since he was young. His gran passed on the message through OH's brother that she'd pay for our cake as a gift! i was so shocked at this and i really didnt expect it!

i feel we cant accept this as we have never spoken to her and if we accepted it would seem we are using them in some way, however i want to let her know how much this offer is appreciated and my reasons for not accepting it, how do i do this?????

i dont want to use OH brother as a message boy, i want to let her know from me how much i appreciate it and let her know how kind her offer is etc

Oh yes and she is on our guest list to come to the wedding and has been since we decided on a date should i let her know this as well?

any advice on this will be much appreciated!

thanks in advance!

 

[Flame]

Can you ask your OH's brother for contact details so you can call her or pop round?

 

[lillou]

Can you ask your OH's brother for contact details so you can call her or pop round?

Yes, i know where she lives so could pop round, i think my main problem is i dont know what to say to her, i mean should we accept her kind offer or say no and explain why?

OH is no help at all, he thinks by ignoring things it'l go away, men eh! i know he feels bad about not speaking to her for all thses years but refuses to speak about it.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I think you should let her pay for it tbh. It seems to me like she is reaching out and trying to make some kind of gesture to build bridges, and would feel upset if you refused. Perhaps you should persuade your OH to give her a call and thank her and ask if she would like to come round for tea or something?

 

[lillou]

I think you should let her pay for it tbh. It seems to me like she is reaching out and trying to make some kind of gesture to build bridges, and would feel upset if you refused. Perhaps you should persuade your OH to give her a call and thank her and ask if she would like to come round for tea or something?

thats how i am starting to feel now, i mean she has made this effort to offer to pay for the cake and i think if we say no it would hurt her and that is the last thing we want

im going to speak to OH tonight and persuade him to pop round and see her and thank her for the lovely offer

 

[Krystal]

My answer to everything... write a letter

Explain that it's a lovely gesture, I think you should prob accept. A letter will give you a chance to explain everything you feel needs explaining. Then maybe put your number in and tell her to phone you cos you would love to meet up with her?

 

[Sammystar]

I agree with GGG. I would accept the cake, it's an olive branch after all, and get in touch with her directly and maybe start to slowly build a relationship up.

She's made the first move and it's a lovely gesture. Take things slowly and enjoy getting to know her.....