Wedding

[Sparklisam]

Anyone find they argued more when the closer the wedding gets. We r getting married in Feb coming up 8 months and I just seem to keep finding faults in him Making me unhappy and is Argue more ?? Xxx

 

[littlemonkey]

Yes!! The months leading up to our wedding were a flipping nightmare!

It's stressful organising and paying for a wedding if you're having a big do. Plus it's like having kids, it makes you look at your relationship in a whole new little light and puts it under so much scrutiny. You find yourself asking do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person at the slightest little thing. When before you wouldn't have bothered so much.

Don't worry too much about it, you know in your heart if you're doing the right thing and once the wedding happens, it goes back to normal. Onetthing I would say it don't get too hung up on the day itself. I remember getting really hung up on so much stuff that didn't matter over tiny details with our wedding. Looking back now I wish we'd just gone to the registry office and saved the money!!

 

[Makeme]

I agree with littlemonkey.. i think it's absolutely normal. Our wedding is coming up July 17 next month and our LO is 6 months closer to 7 months old now, and we fight /argue over the littlest things.. i think honestly it is more me than him .. making a mountain out of a mole hill..

 

[Sparklisam]

We went our separate ways at the weekend . Wedding cancelled everything unfortunately , just obviously wasn't meant to be xxx

 

[mylullaby]

Sorry to hear this lovely. Must be tough for you.

 

[Sparklisam]

I come from a family where my mum and dad have been married for over 30 years. I never thought I would have a 'split' family ever. We've been together 12 years. But onwards and upwards. I can do this - or I try to convince myself I can xxx

 

[mylullaby]

Must be really hard when you've been together for so long. But also maybe the added pressure of your family background has been why you stayed together (in the wrong relationship) for as long as you did? Was it a mutual decision to split? If you were arguing and there was tension your lo will pick up on that and it's better to be great parents separately than not-so-great parents that stay together even though they're not happy. Hard to know what to say without knowing more (obviously you don't have to say more if you don't want to). There are many couples who are miserable together and I reckon it's very brave of you to walk away after so long if you know deep down you will be happier apart (your lo will be happier too if you are). Have you sorted out practical things like contact/maintenance/finances? Must feel so overwhelming for you right now. Try to break it down into bitesized chunks if you can - one step at a time. Of course you can do this - loads of people do. There's a charity called Gingerbread for single parents. Might be worth having a look at their site if you're feeling a bit lost: http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/ -- do you have plenty of support in real life honey? xxx

 

[Sparklisam]

Thank you very much for taking the time to write that. It was mainly my decision because I felt that we were not important enough for him and I deserve better. We didn't argue a great deal, never had a volatile relationship always talked through our problems and tried to make things right. But all of that was always me compromising and putting the effort in so eventually it ground me down and the end result was he couldn't promise to change so we Obv didn't mean enough to him . I'll always love him just not that 'kind' of love anymore. It's my house so no issues there. Contact and main genes all sorted already. I get emotional thinking I have to share my Lo. But always have the attitude that he can't ask for 5 nights a week as he couldn't make family time when we were together so he can't demand it now. He's having him 2 nights a week and I would never use him as a bargaining tool. He's a child and needs to be in both of our live .... Just mine more lol. I have a fantastic family but will miss having that 'other' person to off load to and on the rare occasion we did watch a movie together and have a cuppa in bed. Not to say it won't happen again just won't happen anytime soon and it will be with some one new. Thanks for the website xxx

 

[Sparklisam]

Main genes ... Maintenance lol

 

[mylullaby]

Thank you very much for taking the time to write that. It was mainly my decision because I felt that we were not important enough for him and I deserve better. We didn't argue a great deal, never had a volatile relationship always talked through our problems and tried to make things right. But all of that was always me compromising and putting the effort in so eventually it ground me down and the end result was he couldn't promise to change so we Obv didn't mean enough to him . I'll always love him just not that 'kind' of love anymore. It's my house so no issues there. Contact and main genes all sorted already. I get emotional thinking I have to share my Lo. But always have the attitude that he can't ask for 5 nights a week as he couldn't make family time when we were together so he can't demand it now. He's having him 2 nights a week and I would never use him as a bargaining tool. He's a child and needs to be in both of our live .... Just mine more lol. I have a fantastic family but will miss having that 'other' person to off load to and on the rare occasion we did watch a movie together and have a cuppa in bed. Not to say it won't happen again just won't happen anytime soon and it will be with some one new. Thanks for the website xxx

Well having read all that I think you're even more brave for walking away. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to do that in your situation lovely - many would opt for the 'easy' option of staying together because it's all you know - it's often far easier to stick with what's familiar than step into the unknown. You're stronger than you think, really you are. You had the courage to demand more from him and call it a day when he couldn't commit to that. I think you're bloody brilliant actually! I bet you'll find your love for him disappears sooner than you think too. Of course he'll always be in your life because he's your son's dad, but one day he'll be just that - your son's dad - and you won't feel the way you do now.

Focus on being happy without a man - focus on you and your ds and if someone comes along who can add value to your lives then great, but remember you don't need to be in a relationship in order to be happy. It's great that you have the support of family - they'll be invaluable at a time like this. I'm sure there will be lots of ups and downs for you, but sooner or later the ups will start to outweigh the downs.

P.S. Cats are great listeners if you want to offload - and they love nothing more than snuggling up while you watch a film

 

[Sparklisam]

I look at it that some one some where knows we both need to be tied together it's just not in a relationship together so that's why we had our Lo. I try and look for the positives in life but when ur emotions take over its quite difficult. I'm such an emotional person and like to feel in control of myself and this makes me feel vulnerable. Lots of great advice from you thank you. I have a Westy so he will be sat next to me on all these lonely evenings I need to get used too. Which eventually I will I'm sure xx

 

[mylullaby]

Dogs are ok too

You'll be fine lovely, really you will. Emotional or not, you are in control - you made a difficult decision and that should make you feel LESS vulnerable. It's great that you're a positive person generally - that will take you far. You never know what (or who!) is around the corner, but one thing's for sure - you won't find out if you stay in a relationship with the wrong person. They will only hold you back. Some of my happiest memories are from the things I did/accomplished in my single days. One of the strongest, most inspiring friends I have is a single mum and I am in total awe of everything she's done with her life. You'll get there hun - small steps at first but you will eventually xxx

 

[H16]

Sorry to hear about your split hun, these things are never easy but you will get there. I split from my ex after 12 years too (no child together) and it was similar reasoning - he never really made time for me or made much of an effort to do things together etc and in the end my feelings gradually declined and I had to finish it. Would be so easy to stay with someone despite being unhappy when you have committed for that long - the unknown is so scary but you will be just fine xx

 

[Sparklisam]

Last week was obviously where it hasn't sunk in and this week it really has !! Just want someone to take these emotions away and for me to feel settled and ok. Struggling with life in general. So easy to fall back into the mind set that he wasn't too bad why did I end it !! But I know it's the right thing. Just think my life is a very scary place to be right now xx

 

[H16]

Last week was obviously where it hasn't sunk in and this week it really has !! Just want someone to take these emotions away and for me to feel settled and ok. Struggling with life in general. So easy to fall back into the mind set that he wasn't too bad why did I end it !! But I know it's the right thing. Just think my life is a very scary place to be right now xx

Completely natural feelings hun. I felt the same after my split but had people around me reminding me of how I spent the last months of our relationship so miserable and that I made right choice etc. When you reach that stage of falling out of love with someone it can be hard to get it back and you deserve that in your life. Just try and do fun things with your little one and your friends and family to take your mind off things and you will get there in time. Thinking of you xxx

 

[JennaF]

Oh sure. Wedding is a stress believe me. That's why I think that a couple should have a wedding planner . But if you want to do it on your own then I can advise you one interesting community WeddingForward ( click here to know more) . I think it will save your nerves=)

 

[mylullaby]

Think it might be worth reading the full thread on this occasion Jenna... Spark's situation has changed considerably since she first posted... xx

 

[JennaF]

i believe that situation may change . Men always have returned=)

 

[Sparklisam]

I've already taken him back once for cheating I think I would be mad to do it again. He's not going to change and I deserve better. It just doesn't feel like it right now being as I could have filled a bath with my tears xx

 

[JennaF]

oh don't cry ..... I am sure he will burn in hell=)