Wait or TTC?

[Sarah2211]

My husband and I have been trying for our first since November last year. We are both in our late 20s and would like 3-4 children. For years we had been very keen to start our family, but it was important to him to wait until we were married. We are married now and it's been a mixture of emotions over the past few months.

About 3 weeks ago my husband had to go away for work. He's in the military and we don't know when he'll be home, but he'll probably miss my next 2 ovulations and has already missed one. Additionally, he's going somewhere where there's Zika, so we need to wait until 4 weeks!

So we were planning to start TTC again at the end of May.

But I've just been offered an amazing job, which I've accepted. To complete my teacher registration, I need to be working for 14 months. Plus if I work for 12 months, I get the best type of maternity leave. Ideally, I don't want to go back to work until I've finished having children (10+ years) so getting my registration done now is very important.

This will mean we will need to wait until November-December to try again (6 months from May). My husband is disappointed about the waiting. I'm in two minds. I REALLY want us to be parents, it's all I want. But this is an opportunity almost too good to turn down.

It took me a few months to get the pill out of my system, I don't want to go back through that. I temp and check CM, so I wonder if we should just use FAM. If I fall pregnant it's not the end of the world, just not the best timing.

I don't know if we should wait... try... go back on the pill... take the risk of using FAM??

Any suggestions?

 

[JD.Deedee]

I think if the registration part is so important and you've been offered a position that can offer you to do that now, it might be worth the wait. Just for the security of your future, I can imagine you've put a lot of time and hard work into your study to get offered this job. Is it teaching?

You could track your fertile window and prevent that way or use condoms or any other method that doesn't require any hormones for the moment while you've got to hold off and if it then still happens it might just be meant to be.

At the end of the day it's entirely up to you, I wouldn't stop wanting to become pregnant getting in the way of accepting the job, you never know if there's ways around it in finishing after if it does happen. Best of luck whichever you decide x

 

[broody2013]

I had terrible trouble with coming off the pill so if it was me I would just avoid fertile window to avoid a pregnancy however, we're on month 19 of TTC and no baby for us yet so knowing us we would not even need to bother tracking if we wanted to avoid pregnancy and if I knew then what I did now I would never have bothered going on the pill in the first place! It varies a lot some couples fall pregnant at the drop of a hat - you don't how how fertile you are until you try so it's completely up to you both. Maybe write down a pro and con list and discuss it at a calm quiet time when you both can voice your opinions regarding the pros and cons, maybe after a nice meal or something.

 

[Momoftheboo]

I really like Broody's idea of the pros and cons list. It's a tough one - the heart wants what it wants and sometimes this outweighs all logic. I don't think there will ever be a right time to get pregnant as life will always get in the way.

Is there no way of a compromise? Like being able to finish the registration in fewer months so the wait isn't so long?

 

[Kholl]

The thing with children is that it's not a decision like which house to get, or where to go grocery shopping, or where to go on vacation. I do think that usually a pros and cons list is helpful, but when it comes to having kids the only question is: does your soul yearn for a child now? I may be in the minority but I feel like if you are in a stable relationship and have safe, stable housing and a reliable income (i.e., if the bare necessities are covered), then don't wait. It's about what your heart and soul want. We are having our third and on paper it looks a little crazy- we have only 2 bedrooms (3rd in the basement but that's for family staying with us), and our 17-month-old is a horrendous sleeper, etc etc. But our hearts yearn for a lot of kids, so we are just gonna keep going for now!

Of course only you can make this call! You're not talking about waiting 5 years- waiting until November is still basically no time in the scheme of things.

 

[Sarah2211]

Thanks everyone.

My DH is overseas at the moment and communication is fairly limited. We had talked through this being a possibility, if I got the job and I was pregnant/fell pregnant what would we do? We talked about asking a family to come and stay and look after him/her, home based care, foregoing my registration etc. I had applied for a full time and a part time job, we were hoping for the part time, but I got the full time one. I would have felt ok with part time childcare, but full time I'm very hesitant, even for just a few months.

Unfortunately, there's no way to shorten the length of time. I'm trying to start ASAP so I can start and finish as soon as possible. Yes I'm a teacher and it's a minimum of 2 years teaching. I've completed 10 months already.

I'm quite reluctant to go back on the pill. It can take some time to get it out of your system and I don't want to go back there again.

I guess that's where I'm struggling. I'm usually a very practical, logical person. Pros and cons lists are really the way that I function. But this is something that the heart wants. I've wanted to be a mother, and I can tell my husband wants to be a father, more than anything for a long time. We've talked about it for at least 3 years and we've both been ready for that long. But now were are married and are financially and emotionally stable. We have a house, enough savings, my husband has a well paying job (although has to go away sometimes), we are both in a great space.. We are in a good position for starting a family, except this job/registration thing.

I guess we are lucky we have some time to think about it all. My husband is away for a wee while yet.

Thanks again for the help.