Had the most horrible week of my life. I just don't know how to deal with it except get all the even little niggley bits that are bugging me out.
As you probably already know, I was at hospital on sunday for more blood tests to check for ectopic pregnancy. They sent me how after my levels had fallen - but only slightly. I was back at the hospital on the monday morning, for a scan just to confirm that nothing else was going on that they could see. That started the first mess-up. I was told on the friday to have an empty bladder so they could do an internal scan - they informed me when we got there that iI should have a FULL bladder as they wanted to do external. So they gave me a jug of water to drink and 40 mins later came to get me for the scan. The scan lady immediately said that I hadn't had enough time to drink yet and to go back up in an hours time to be scanned again. So we waited and waited (incidently, 5 mins after we came out of scan room i was DESPERATE for toilet). We went back in and she seemed to take hours looking at the screen then told me I could go to the toilet. She didn't say anything, didn't seem worried, all she said was a doctor would be with me to discuss my scan review.
We went back and waited & 20 minutes later the nice nurse who we'd seen loads before came to get us and took us to a room where the doctor I'd seen on the sunday was waiting. I knew it wasn't good soon as I saw her. On the scan they'd noticed that an area of my right fallopian tube was much larger than it should be. There was also fluid in my pelvis. They told me I needed an operation to confirm it, and told me all the risks etc that can be associated with the surgery. I signed consent then had to go wait, shellshocked to be admitted to a ward.
We waited for over 2 hours. I hadn't been allowed anything to eat or drink apart from the water for my scan, in case I was going to theatre that day. Finally admitted to the ward, and I was terrified. Soon as I got there I couldn't stop crying. A nurse came over and told me I was going to theatre within the hour, so I started to prepare myself mentally for that. Over an hour later another nurse came and told me I wasn't going to theatre till the following morning, first on the list cos of my latex allergy. So had to start winding down from being so stressed to re-prepare myself for the following day.
No-one explained much to me, my boyfriend was only allowed to stay till 9:30pm even though I was a quivering wreck and couldn't stop crying, the day shift nurses just ignored me and I felt like curling into a ball and sobbing my heart out. But stupidly enough, I was embarassed.
Then the night nurses came on duty who were lovely. Soon as one of them found out why I was there she gave me a massive hug and said if I even needed someone to sit with me during the night just press my button and she'd come. I just cried. Felt so pathetic but I just couldn't hold it together anymore. I barely slept at all. I was up at 5:30, just waiting for my Mum and boyfriend to come see me before surgery. The surgeon came to do his rounds, my Mum knows him, but he started having a go at the nurses (and I thought me) about them not having investigated my latex allergy. He said that he couldn't operate if it was a "proper" allergy and that they hadn't done their job properly.
Again, I just cried. It was the 3rd time in 5 days that it'd been said I was going to have the op and then I wasn't. Luckily he was talking hypothetically. Still stupidly upset to go into surgery on. Then they came to get me for surgery. I cried as I was wheeled down, cried as they put me asleep and woke up in recovery juddering like mad and terrified that they'd given me a hysterectomy. Straight away I put my hand down there to see if there was a big scar. There wasn't. 3 tiny ones. One in my belly button, and one either side.
Got taken back to the ward, dozed all day. My doctor came to see me in the evening (the nice one) and told me the op had been "textbook" but they'd had to remove my right fallopian tube as it'd started to rupture.
different night nurses that night who didn't give a shit. The ward light was on till 2am when I had to ask for it to be turned off, they wouldn't give me any sleeping pills as I'd had anaesthetic earlier in the day, I waited over an hour for painkillers. They didn't change my sheets which were covered in blood. I cried all night. It hurt so much inside and out. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that my baby had just been taken away from me.
Wednesday morning my doctor came round again and discharged me. She went through everything again, and she was so kind she made me cry. Had to wait for nurses and pharmacy to sort my paperwork and painkillers out - it took 2 and a half hours. In that time I asked for painkillers 4 times and didn't get any, when I asked if I could have my drip needle taken out as I was going home anyway, it'd already started to come out on its own, hurt like hell and the back of my hand was covered in blood from it the nurse rolled her eyes at me and then put it on my sheets as she dressed the back of my hand. Come on, I know my sheets were dirty already but isn't that a bit disgusting?
When I asked about the dressings on my stitches cos they were a bit dirty, she told me I should've had them off since the night before, and again rolled her eyes about having to do it for me.
I just came away feeling awful. I'm sorry for ranting and raving on about it - I just feel really let down by almost everyone in the hospital. The only people who showed me kindness were my doctor (she couldn't have been any nicer) and the nurses on the emergency assesment unit. I'd just had my baby taken from me, I know it was a life-saving operation and it could've been so much worse but I got almost no compassion from the nurses on that ward.
It hurts so, so much. I know I'm not alone. I've barely cried since I got home. I'm scared that if I do I won't stop. I'm terrified to go back to work. I just want my baby back. I know nothing I say or do can change that now, but I've got this massive empty hole inside of me that nothing can fill. I'm sorry for being so depressive, I just don't know what to do
xx
As you probably already know, I was at hospital on sunday for more blood tests to check for ectopic pregnancy. They sent me how after my levels had fallen - but only slightly. I was back at the hospital on the monday morning, for a scan just to confirm that nothing else was going on that they could see. That started the first mess-up. I was told on the friday to have an empty bladder so they could do an internal scan - they informed me when we got there that iI should have a FULL bladder as they wanted to do external. So they gave me a jug of water to drink and 40 mins later came to get me for the scan. The scan lady immediately said that I hadn't had enough time to drink yet and to go back up in an hours time to be scanned again. So we waited and waited (incidently, 5 mins after we came out of scan room i was DESPERATE for toilet). We went back in and she seemed to take hours looking at the screen then told me I could go to the toilet. She didn't say anything, didn't seem worried, all she said was a doctor would be with me to discuss my scan review.
We went back and waited & 20 minutes later the nice nurse who we'd seen loads before came to get us and took us to a room where the doctor I'd seen on the sunday was waiting. I knew it wasn't good soon as I saw her. On the scan they'd noticed that an area of my right fallopian tube was much larger than it should be. There was also fluid in my pelvis. They told me I needed an operation to confirm it, and told me all the risks etc that can be associated with the surgery. I signed consent then had to go wait, shellshocked to be admitted to a ward.
We waited for over 2 hours. I hadn't been allowed anything to eat or drink apart from the water for my scan, in case I was going to theatre that day. Finally admitted to the ward, and I was terrified. Soon as I got there I couldn't stop crying. A nurse came over and told me I was going to theatre within the hour, so I started to prepare myself mentally for that. Over an hour later another nurse came and told me I wasn't going to theatre till the following morning, first on the list cos of my latex allergy. So had to start winding down from being so stressed to re-prepare myself for the following day.
No-one explained much to me, my boyfriend was only allowed to stay till 9:30pm even though I was a quivering wreck and couldn't stop crying, the day shift nurses just ignored me and I felt like curling into a ball and sobbing my heart out. But stupidly enough, I was embarassed.
Then the night nurses came on duty who were lovely. Soon as one of them found out why I was there she gave me a massive hug and said if I even needed someone to sit with me during the night just press my button and she'd come. I just cried. Felt so pathetic but I just couldn't hold it together anymore. I barely slept at all. I was up at 5:30, just waiting for my Mum and boyfriend to come see me before surgery. The surgeon came to do his rounds, my Mum knows him, but he started having a go at the nurses (and I thought me) about them not having investigated my latex allergy. He said that he couldn't operate if it was a "proper" allergy and that they hadn't done their job properly.
Again, I just cried. It was the 3rd time in 5 days that it'd been said I was going to have the op and then I wasn't. Luckily he was talking hypothetically. Still stupidly upset to go into surgery on. Then they came to get me for surgery. I cried as I was wheeled down, cried as they put me asleep and woke up in recovery juddering like mad and terrified that they'd given me a hysterectomy. Straight away I put my hand down there to see if there was a big scar. There wasn't. 3 tiny ones. One in my belly button, and one either side.
Got taken back to the ward, dozed all day. My doctor came to see me in the evening (the nice one) and told me the op had been "textbook" but they'd had to remove my right fallopian tube as it'd started to rupture.
different night nurses that night who didn't give a shit. The ward light was on till 2am when I had to ask for it to be turned off, they wouldn't give me any sleeping pills as I'd had anaesthetic earlier in the day, I waited over an hour for painkillers. They didn't change my sheets which were covered in blood. I cried all night. It hurt so much inside and out. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that my baby had just been taken away from me.
Wednesday morning my doctor came round again and discharged me. She went through everything again, and she was so kind she made me cry. Had to wait for nurses and pharmacy to sort my paperwork and painkillers out - it took 2 and a half hours. In that time I asked for painkillers 4 times and didn't get any, when I asked if I could have my drip needle taken out as I was going home anyway, it'd already started to come out on its own, hurt like hell and the back of my hand was covered in blood from it the nurse rolled her eyes at me and then put it on my sheets as she dressed the back of my hand. Come on, I know my sheets were dirty already but isn't that a bit disgusting?
When I asked about the dressings on my stitches cos they were a bit dirty, she told me I should've had them off since the night before, and again rolled her eyes about having to do it for me.
I just came away feeling awful. I'm sorry for ranting and raving on about it - I just feel really let down by almost everyone in the hospital. The only people who showed me kindness were my doctor (she couldn't have been any nicer) and the nurses on the emergency assesment unit. I'd just had my baby taken from me, I know it was a life-saving operation and it could've been so much worse but I got almost no compassion from the nurses on that ward.
It hurts so, so much. I know I'm not alone. I've barely cried since I got home. I'm scared that if I do I won't stop. I'm terrified to go back to work. I just want my baby back. I know nothing I say or do can change that now, but I've got this massive empty hole inside of me that nothing can fill. I'm sorry for being so depressive, I just don't know what to do
xx
You have had such an ordeal.
