hello all. i usually come on here as a visitor. I am trying to et pregnant even though my husband doesnt think i am. married 5 month, but feel like a life time, as he always kicks off. know it was a mistake afterall, but feel i should get my babies out of the bargain anyway. loving making very sporadical but even though he treats me like crap i endure for the hope of getting pregnant. i really just needto talk but dont really want to talk to family. is any one out there?
TTC, sad, alone.
- Thread starter P.U.S.H
- Start date
To be honest, I think you are making the wrong decision. I think you should get out of your relationship as soon as you can since you are not happy. Ive been there and when i look back now, I am so thankful I did not have kids with my ex, as it means it will never actually be over.
You need to be happy, your kids will need to be in a happy environment also. And unfortunately this is not the way to do it.
You need to be happy, your kids will need to be in a happy environment also. And unfortunately this is not the way to do it.
Im sorry but me to agree with the post above,
You need out of the relationship & once you find soemone you love and want to be together with forever this is the right time to think about kids and not now as i would not be fair to the kid
Im sorry if that dont help, Im hear if you need to chat
You need out of the relationship & once you find soemone you love and want to be together with forever this is the right time to think about kids and not now as i would not be fair to the kid
Im sorry if that dont help, Im hear if you need to chat
P.U.S.H honey, please can I recommend a book you may have heard of called 'The Rules' I thought it would be a load of balonny but I read it and it changed my life. You are a creature unlike any other and there is an abundance of men out there. Don't choose a bad father for your children and trust that you deserve better.
I wish you all the best in the world. Please PM me if you want to chat.
Becs xx
I wish you all the best in the world. Please PM me if you want to chat.
Becs xx
thank u all for ur replies. i do understand all u have said. in my right mind advising anyone, i would say exactly the same thing. just that there are a few complications or indrances to actualy leaving the marriage. i am not english, so in my country, seperation or divorce is frowned upon and caries serious stigma. evryone from home would say just bear, its the cross of a woman. also, we are meant to be christians so divorce is so a no no. tried to get him into councelling, but he says no, he is busy!!!!!!!!
and ofcourse being from africa the inlaws expect me t be pregnant already so i am getting a battering from them as well. i have thought of returning home to my parents if i can get pregnant, so thats the reason i want a baby.
my family all live in africa so i am kind of alone here
yes i understand all abt the baby not being conceived in love and all and could possibly take some crazy raits from my husband, but i so wnt a baby. not bcos i am sad now but thats what i have alays wanted since i turned 18. and i love childrn. its craz i know and this is probably no the right place to unburden myself, but thank u guys for listening.
PUSH- praying until something happens.
and ofcourse being from africa the inlaws expect me t be pregnant already so i am getting a battering from them as well. i have thought of returning home to my parents if i can get pregnant, so thats the reason i want a baby.
my family all live in africa so i am kind of alone here
yes i understand all abt the baby not being conceived in love and all and could possibly take some crazy raits from my husband, but i so wnt a baby. not bcos i am sad now but thats what i have alays wanted since i turned 18. and i love childrn. its craz i know and this is probably no the right place to unburden myself, but thank u guys for listening.
PUSH- praying until something happens.
I dont think this is a good idea. Having a baby with some one ties you to that person for LIFE! If you dont like them or arent happy with them why do you want kids with them? When ever you look at your kids theyll be stareing right back at you!!
I'v wanted kids since i was a little girl, i didnt jump into bed with the 1st guy that would and tried to get pregnant. It's a life long comitment and needs thinking through.
I'v wanted kids since i was a little girl, i didnt jump into bed with the 1st guy that would and tried to get pregnant. It's a life long comitment and needs thinking through.
Hi I understand what you are saying regarding your culture, however you deserve to have someone who will love and respect you and your children. Please think about it carefully, having children is a big decision and as the others have said you will be stuck with this man forever... woudl you really want that for your children?
P.U.S.H said:
After your pregnant? Thats not very fair. Getting pregnant and not even letting the guy know is bad enough but running off with his kid too?
You need to just leave him if you arnt happy. If he's treating you like crap then adding kids to this will only make it worse wether you run away or not.
I'd be horrified if i found my mother had got pregnant by a guy she didnt even like
P.U.S.H. Your situation is so sad. I know you feel like you have no way out and you feel alone.
I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years! I met my ex when I was 15 and we later married. I had two children with him. I also felt that I could cope with it all, and would get on with having a family and making the best of my situation. I do not regret having my children at all, they are now 6 and 4 but it was infact them which made me confident enough to kick him out and chnage my life! I didn't want them growing up in an environment like that, and even though it wasn't alwyas bad, when he was aggressive my oldest son would jump infront of me and shout 'Stop being nasty to my mummy'. I knew then that a three year old shouldn't be feeling like that and that I owed it to them to change it.
I have to say that I am now due to marry again in two weeks time.. a kind, loving man who loves me and the boys, and who is definitley the man I should be with. But we always have constant grief from my ex... he poisons the children's minds, he demands things, he is aggressive and nasty to me even now when he collects the children sometimes. You can NEVER escape people like that if you have children with them, and even though we haven't seen him since christmas eve I know he will make our lives a misery again as soon as he possibly can. I HATE letting my children go with him, and now I have restricted the access because they don't want to go and he claims he is taking me to court.
You have to try the best you can to escape this man before you are eternally linked to him through children. Be honest with your family and tell them how he treats you, you'll be surprised how supportive your family can be. Don't keep it secret from people who care about you... I did that, and it just makes you lonely.
I give you this advice from someone who really knows the true reality of what you could be getting into. Please get some help from your family.
I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years! I met my ex when I was 15 and we later married. I had two children with him. I also felt that I could cope with it all, and would get on with having a family and making the best of my situation. I do not regret having my children at all, they are now 6 and 4 but it was infact them which made me confident enough to kick him out and chnage my life! I didn't want them growing up in an environment like that, and even though it wasn't alwyas bad, when he was aggressive my oldest son would jump infront of me and shout 'Stop being nasty to my mummy'. I knew then that a three year old shouldn't be feeling like that and that I owed it to them to change it.
I have to say that I am now due to marry again in two weeks time.. a kind, loving man who loves me and the boys, and who is definitley the man I should be with. But we always have constant grief from my ex... he poisons the children's minds, he demands things, he is aggressive and nasty to me even now when he collects the children sometimes. You can NEVER escape people like that if you have children with them, and even though we haven't seen him since christmas eve I know he will make our lives a misery again as soon as he possibly can. I HATE letting my children go with him, and now I have restricted the access because they don't want to go and he claims he is taking me to court.
You have to try the best you can to escape this man before you are eternally linked to him through children. Be honest with your family and tell them how he treats you, you'll be surprised how supportive your family can be. Don't keep it secret from people who care about you... I did that, and it just makes you lonely.
I give you this advice from someone who really knows the true reality of what you could be getting into. Please get some help from your family.
Do what your name says P.U.S.H
My huband didn't use to appriciate me and guess what i did - yes i P.U.S.H!!!!!!! He has now changed a lot since we got married which is why we are TTC now. We both know what we mean to each other and I know that he will always be there for any children we have. Having a baby is a life commitment for you both and i honestly think it would be really wrong if you were to go behind his back and then leave.
Marriages are tough things - if they had a manual on them it would take you a lifetime to read it!
If you want some advice from a fellow Christian PM me
My huband didn't use to appriciate me and guess what i did - yes i P.U.S.H!!!!!!! He has now changed a lot since we got married which is why we are TTC now. We both know what we mean to each other and I know that he will always be there for any children we have. Having a baby is a life commitment for you both and i honestly think it would be really wrong if you were to go behind his back and then leave.
Marriages are tough things - if they had a manual on them it would take you a lifetime to read it!
If you want some advice from a fellow Christian PM me
i dont think its a good idea trying to have a baby in this environment.
what if you had the baby and couldnt find the courage to leave? would
that be fair on the baby or you? you could open a pandoras box of issues
by becoming pregant in your situation.
i think you should have a trial seperation find some self esteem and self
respect then either work through your problems if you can or find
someone new. i know that babies are born into less than perfect lives-
thats life- but if you choose that for your children then should you really
be having them?
what if you had the baby and couldnt find the courage to leave? would
that be fair on the baby or you? you could open a pandoras box of issues
by becoming pregant in your situation.
i think you should have a trial seperation find some self esteem and self
respect then either work through your problems if you can or find
someone new. i know that babies are born into less than perfect lives-
thats life- but if you choose that for your children then should you really
be having them?
happy-chick
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I want to send hugs too.
Everyone is right in their advice, but I can imagine you are very scared and lonely too and life may seem to be offering you little happiness.
You deserve so much more. I hope you find peace.
Michelle
xx
Everyone is right in their advice, but I can imagine you are very scared and lonely too and life may seem to be offering you little happiness.
You deserve so much more. I hope you find peace.
Michelle
xx
yeah everyone is quite right and i would give the same advice myself too, probably. but as in these situations its never really easy to just walk away, is it? i keeping thinking i should give a chance. give him some hard loving. he hasnt spoken to me since sunday, after some drama on his part and normally i would go to him crying and begging but not this time. trying to hold on to my shred of dignity. he is furious though and treating me like a ghost. would stay in the same room with me, cos he asked me to talk and i said i had nothing to say. MEN AAAARRRRGGGGGh!
You have only been married 5 months..The first 12 months they say are the hardest...Work on the relationship if thats what you want .
I know for me since I have got pregnant I would never have got through it without my DH.
I have always wanted kids but want them in the right situation.I also do think you are been completely unfair to him. You say how unreasonable he is. If you saw a post from a guy saying my wife had gone behind my back and got pg athen ran off what would you think.
You need to think things through sweetie. can you get away for a while to get your head together.
I know for me since I have got pregnant I would never have got through it without my DH.
I have always wanted kids but want them in the right situation.I also do think you are been completely unfair to him. You say how unreasonable he is. If you saw a post from a guy saying my wife had gone behind my back and got pg athen ran off what would you think.
You need to think things through sweetie. can you get away for a while to get your head together.
thanks cloud 9, for the support. i know everyone says the first 12 months are the hardest. some say the first 3 months. different times for everyone. i haven't one 2 days without crying since i got married.
and you are absolutely right it would be wrong too get pregnant and leave, that was just me being hysterical. niways i appreciate ur honesty and directedness. thanks.
i am doing a lot of thinking so will keep you all posted
and you are absolutely right it would be wrong too get pregnant and leave, that was just me being hysterical. niways i appreciate ur honesty and directedness. thanks.
i am doing a lot of thinking so will keep you all posted
