Too Soon :-(

[twinkle84]

Hi ladies, Just wondered if this was me being hormonal or if it really is too soon. Our baby is first and only grandchild on both sides and my inlaws keep asking 'how soon can we take baby for a walk?' and if you go out anywhere 'we will have him/her' Then friends keep inviting me out and trying to make plans for next few weeks and I havnt even had baby yet. We supposed to be going to see Peter Kay a week on sat and baby isnt even here yet (organised before we knew about baby) and hubby saying 'oh it will be ok with my mum or your mum'. I really want to try breastfeeding and so thats one good reason I wont be able to go, but why would i want to? Why doesnt anyone understand. I really dont want to be a clingy over protective mum, but the more people talk about me leaving it, it is making me think like that. That this is 'my baby' and 'nobody is taking it away' This issue is starting to make me feel bad. Am I over reacting? x

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

yeah i understand what you mean it took we till amy was eight months to even let her grandparents (oh side of the family) take her out i wont let his sister and her wife as i dont trust them with her i will be the same with this one i think i was over protective as amy had alot of probs when he was born so i was scared incase anything happens to her so i can understand were your coming from hun.xx

 

[twinkle84]

Thanks Emma and I can understand your own worries. I just think hubby, friends and fam are expecting too much from me, too soon. Who would want to leave their baby at only a few wks old?! Sorry just my thoughts x

 

[JJ Mum]

I wouldn't want to go to the Peter Kay thing either, you will be wanting to stay with baby and establish a routene and bond by then. I'm always happy to have a visitor in hosp as Hubby can't be in there with me most of the time for company as he will be looking after the kids, but once home, I like to be left alone if possible. I would ask family to leave you be other than one hello visit each so you can spend time as part of your own new family. Then I would just decline all the offers, or say your happy to stay at home ad get takeaway etc. instead of going out. I know they only mean well, and want to help and get a baby cuddle to boot, but sounds far to early to want to go leaving baby. spend time with your relies and baby without leaving baby.

 

[kellylou]

I understand what you mean, my baby is due end of the month going into Dec so if he is late then who knows and there are a few things organised and people want me to go but want to get to know baby first.

 

[twinkle84]

Thanks you two. Its the friends without babies they dont get it at all. Just cant believe what they are asking me to do. Im not saying I wont go out for an hour in a few months or when I feel ready. But a matter of weeks is just silly! JJ Mum youre so right and I intend, nothing is going to spoil this for me. I feel like ive waited ages and I just wasnt to be a mummy and bond with my baby xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Thanks you two. Its the friends without babies they dont get it at all. Just cant believe what they are asking me to do. Im not saying I wont go out for an hour in a few months or when I feel ready. But a matter of weeks is just silly! JJ Mum youre so right and I intend, nothing is going to spoil this for me. I feel like ive waited ages and I just wasnt to be a mummy and bond with my baby xx

Absolutlely - well said Twinkle! Mums and MIL's and mates will have to come round to your way, as your the boss!

 

[Rayoflight]

I feel exactly the same hun. I deffo don't think you'll be going to Peter Kay and think you should tell them all that right now so they can get someone else to go.

I had a good talk with OH the other night about him recognising the signs when I'm tired and emotional and being my guardian when it comes to visitors and stuff. I've agreed that people can come round first couple of days before 7pm but then I want day 3 and 4 at least to myself because this is when my milk will come in and they say you get hormonal.

My family are great and understanding, my sis has a 5 month old and she lay down some ground rules when her daughter was born so she knows where I'm coming from. I'm seriously worried about the inlaws though. They look after our 2yr old neice thurs-sun every week and have done since she was about two months old. It's just not going to happen with this baby! I'm not leaving my kid with his mum all the time. I've told them this for months and my OH gets a bit hurt by it but I don't agree with the way they are with my neice, what they feed her, lack of routine etc so it's not happening!

 

[rbryan0205]

my sisters keep asking me when they can take baby for a walk and i just said well maybe a few weeks when im settled and confident u can and my mum sticking up for me so they backed off a bit i made a bit of a joke of it and just kept saying let me have this baby first!

 

[flexilexi394]

Totally know what you all mean!! Mine is also first grandchild on both sides so people are automatically assuming the baby will be staying here there and every where. And they have something coming when I say she's staying with me! And I will not just be letting people have her left right and centre. One of my friends and he mum is even like "we will babysit" and I'm not being funny, I ain't going anywhere once she's born unless i feel really comfortable about leaving her.
I'm worried about my return from hospital, I have lots of friends down my road and I just know I'm gonna get people knocking. Not going to answer if I am busy though! And I want to breastfeed solely for the first 6 weeks and maybe express if I am off out after that. Not saying I'm not gonna leave the house but I'd just like to work it out for myself without a hundred people forcing their opinions on me!
Rant over. Lol. X

 

[karenandbump]

Hey hon, I think u need to explain to people that u want some bonding time to settle and that u will let people know aboiut visiting etc and that ur not looking for time apart from bubs in early days. Midwives and HVs tell you to do this for you and bubs and so u can say that u have been given that advice which I found helpful when I had Harrison and this time people have asked me how I want to play it atfter me getting upset last time which has been really welcome. It is a really special time in the early days so don't worry about everyone else - the excitement dies off pretty quickly too although right at due date I know from experience it can feel like a pressure cooker!!
K x x x

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

lexi - get a sign on your front door saying "mummy and baby sleeping, please do not disturb!" give a shit if you're not, but people will think you are anyway i didnt leave Ks side for months, i dont think even her dad took her for a walk on his own! noone really understood that tho, but she's my baby and i wanted to b the one doing everything for her! my mum found it even harder to understanf when i had E and didnt want to leave her when she was days old! for some reason because i already had one baby i should have felt comfortable leaving her stick to your guns chick and forget about what everyone else thinks, its you and baby that count xxx

 

[Pudds86]

Aww I totally understand this! My mates are being like this- oh when can I babysit? Can I have him sometimes?'. I was like yes... when I have BF established and no sooner!! I have three parties to go to at the start of December and I intend on going AND TAKING MY BABY! I am not having someone baby sitting with him as we will still be getting to know him! Just stick to your guns hun xx

 

[Poxie_pixie]

As I am 18 and living on my own I really am going to need time to re-adjust I think, this is first grand child on both sides, all my mates want to come and see the baby but luckily none of them know where I live due to me moving, so it will be a case of when i'm ready. I think we all understand where you're coming from. xXx

 

[twinkle84]

Haha nice one Pixie! x

Aw thanks ladies, thought it was me being un-reasonable, because even hubby doesnt really understand. Oh and I have told them that there is def no Peter Kay! Also my firend has got engaged and planned a meal ebd of Nov and made it clear Babs wasnt welcome, so i was like 'no way, we wont be there sorry' Then she said you'll have to come over to mine (2 hours away) for a meal in Dec to celebrate. I put my foot down and said 'no you'll have to come here' so that IF i am ready I will be only leaving babs for an hour or so. She is just mad if you ask me, they all are!

Also really worried about in-laws taking over, not just wanting the baby. But they have always got to have their say. They will be saying 'youve done this or that wrong, or you should have . . .' Im really worried how im gona cope with it!

Thanks I know HV and MW will advise me to spend time bonding with baby and if I still have worries about this, im going to talk to them!

Also good idea, im wanting to give BF a go and Ive heard about the milk on day 3 and baby feeding lots, so no visitors on that day would be good . . . well heaven.

Hubby been quite good, he says while he has the 2 wk paternity leave, we not having a house full of visitors all the time. Its our family time and they can come after. Wish me luck with that xx

 

[Pudds86]

Another thing you should consider is what we are doing. Obvisouly grandparents will want to come to us / hospital to meet the new addition which I really dont mind but we are going to go and visit people at their house when we are readt for them to meet him. This is because if you go and visit others you have control of when you go and also how long you stay for!! Also if you are anything like me you worry about how clean your house is when you have visitors and this was you wont have to! sorted! x

 

[twinkle84]

I like it Pudds, what a good idea x

 

[ShadowWolf]

I don't have the problem of everyone wanting to see me and baby as my family all live so far away, my one problem though is my mum. She lives a good hour and a halfs drive away and expects me to go to hers for Christmas, she's even trying to lure me by saying "well how will you get your presents?"! I mean I know my mum is ill and all but i'm afraid that I think I will end up saying "get your own arse up here if you want to see her!" The last thing me and my OH are going to be wanting to do is go trekking hours for a family Christmas this year, lol. And besides, I'm always the one going to her, bout time she came to me, hehe.

xxx

 

[soozy]

My first was about 5 weeks old when my mum first watched her over night ( i wont allow my oh's mum to do so for good reasons either with first child or this one). It is a good idea to keep baby with you until you are at least in a bit of a routine as it can take some time to get used to having baby there and sometimes someone else having baby even for a night or 2 can upset that routine especially if they do things different to what you've been doing. My mum still takes my 1st daughter most weekends for one night but she knows i wont be allowing her to baby sit this one for a few weeks until im back in the swing of things myself.
Chances are though, by the time it comes to new year i will be looking for my mum to babysit so i can let my hair down and have a night with my friends.
Just make everyone aware that it is your baby and you need time to bond but within a month or 2 you will give them a phone if you need a wee night off. This also gives you time to see how the grand parents act around the baby and will give you time to put your mind at ease.
First time my mum watched Megan i must have phoned 20 times and couldnt even enjoy myself but she was fine! They managed to raise us and even though we miss our baby and worry like mad, you will be glad of a wee break every once in a while.

 

[soozy]

Im also worried about people just thinking they can drop in whenever it suits them to visit. My oh's family live nearly 2 hours away and dont drive so its more than likely they will either phone for us to go up or get a train here and expect to saty for the weekend, we have a 2 bed house and ive already told them we have no room for them but they know if they show up theres not a lot we can do! Also my cousin and her man have 4 kids between them and the yougest 2 are little shits, they live near us and ive told them i will phone or go to them when im ready for visitors as their kids wreck the house and get away with it and i dont want them in my house but they turned and said that they are family so will just pop down, their kids totally stress me out when they come and im the one that has to point out that they are smashing my daughters toys off the floor or raking in my fridge or drawing on the walls, they are out of control. Im gonna have to lock the door and hide from people when i have this baby if i want any peace and quiet from annoying family! Added stress you dont need !!!