Think we might have to stop TTC

[BUGGY82]

Well today has been a nightmare....

My husband is an only child and lost his dad to cancer last year, and today we've found out his mum has Ovarian cancer. I can't believe it, after the past 2 years with his dad being ill now it's all happening again.

I just don't think adding a baby in to the mix is a good idea, it's going to be so stressful with the treatment and traveling to look after her, we live 170 miles away that I can't see a pregnancy in my immediate future now.

I know it would make her fight harder if I was pregnant but I don't think my OH could cope with it all. I just don't know what to do, I don't want to give up on my dream of a baby but how will we cope with it all.

I'm just so upset, my life is such poo at the moment. I know I sound selfish too but I can't help it.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

hey Buggy.....heres my story....

My mam had a massive stroke in 92...6 months before my wedding.....I considered putting it off but she wouldnt hear of it.... DD was born in 94.....mam got breast cancer in 94 and was in hosp for DD christening again not letting me put the christening off.....
She had mastectomy in 94....remission till 98 then got secondry cancer and was terminal....I took a career break to look after her until she passed away in 98....(I had put off having any more children as I cared for my mam along with my dad. Once my mam passed away my dad quickly deteriorated and also got cancer in 2004 when I tool another careed break to look after him....had op, went into remission until 2006 when things kicked off big style...I was still his full time carer. He sadly also passed away in 2006....Soon after that Jan 2007 I became ill with Neurological disease which left me retired from my job which I loved as an ambulance driver/attendant so again by this time having another child was out of the question with my health being so irratic!

My point is I put my life, marriage, career and having any more children on hold for 12 years so I was able to look after both my parents and be there for them.
And dont get me wrong I would do it all again in a heart beat....nothing would ever have stopped me spending all that time with them and being there right through the good and bad times and with them till the very end.....HOWEVER.....one thing I would change is that I WOULD have tried for another baby!

Here I am now at 38 trying for my second....and to be honest its something I would have wanted and would have def done years ago if circumstances were different.....soif I can offer you any advice its that you have to still get on your with YOUR lives....yes be there for your MIL, support her and do wahtever you need to do.....but DONT put your life and plans on hold coz you just never know if postponing will end in nothing at the end of it all and thats when you will have massive regrets at not doing it now!!!

Sorry its long winded but as much as I have no regrets or resentment towards my parents I do regret no still having more children while this was all going on.....

Good luck with waht ever you decide to do.....xxxxx

 

[Toonlass]

if he is an only child, maybe it would be nice for her to know he will be having a child of his own and that she is going to be a grandma. I agree it might make her fight harder and make her feel she really has something to look forward too. xx

 

[BUGGY82]

Oh Wilma I really feel for you going through all of that, is your health OK now? Thanks for sharing your story.

I see what your saying about not putting it off as you never know what else will happen in the future. I don't really want to stop TTC but my OH is already on anti depressants and I don't want to stress him out anymore, I couldn't face him getting ill as well.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Thanks Buggy...... Im now a wheelchair and electric scooter user outdoors and use sticks or furniture walls etc indoors....its with me for life but I get on with it and adapt to be able to do what I have to do....I have good and bad days so its up and down.....but could be worse ...
I do see what your sayong if you DH is already not the best....but it could also be a bit of a distraction for him too if you were to get a BFP ...... its hard to say as we all react and cope with things differently....I just would maybe not make a concerted effot to actually stop tcc but maybe play it down a little if its something you usually talk about all the time etc....maybe give him time to come tot terms with his mothers news..... Can I ask is she terminal or in early stages of CC? xx

 

[Chellybaby88]

Hi Buggy

I'm sorry to hear about all the problems in your life at the moment

I think it's quite hard to offer an opinion on this kind of thing as, like Wilma said, we all react differently to situations.

I just hope you and OH can talk to each other and comfort each other through such a difficult time.

Perhaps TTC would be a bit too stressful at the moment but you don't need to necessarily 'stop' trying. If you got your without 'actively' trying then I think it would be a huge boost and would bring everyone together.

Whatever you decide to do, i hope it works out for you hun xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

Hi Buggy thinking of you at a time like this, a big worry for you.

Does our OH's Mum know that you are trying ?, as It might be worth mentioning it to her and having a discussion all three of you, might help see where everyone feels the moment and get it all out in the air and off of your shoulders.

Everyone is different, butif I had ovarian cancer and my son was trying for a baby I would be over the moon and wat to make sure I stuck around for the baby to grow up and really take care of myself, a real purpose, I agree well done for sharing your story Wilma, what a fantastic daughter !

Hope things work themselves out for you soon X

 

[SmallPurpleCat]

Buggy,

Really sorry to hear about your MIL... best wishes to here.

As others have said, difficult to say what to do but I guess the main thing is that you need to speak to your OH and decide where to go from here...

Goodluck with it all.

SPC xx

 

[BUGGY82]

Had a good chat with OH last night and he said he doesn't want to put off TTC so we're still going for it. His mum doesn't know we're trying and I don't really want to tell her and add to the stress of it, so if and when it happens we'll tell her then.
She's dealing with the news really well and docs have said it's not terminal, it's in the pretty early stages from the sounds of it so hopefully with surgery and a bit of Chemo she should be OK.
Thanks for all your messages of support its good to get an outsiders view sometimes which really helps with dealing with everything.

 

[kizzibea]

Sorry to hear that Buggy, my OH's dad has just been diagnosed with cancer so we're not telling anyone just yet either.

Good luck with ttc, perhaps you'll find it easier while you've got other things to focus on and so you'll end up with a nice surprise for you MIL.

 

[SmallPurpleCat]

That's great Buggy. Fingers crossed for a BFP soon!

SPC xx

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Thanks JJ Mum! Great news its in early stages buggy and glad you and oh ahve decided to carry on TTC....as hard as it is during a difficult time like this try and stay chilled and relazed as much as possible....good luck I hope it happens asap for you xxx

 

[tia maria]

thats such a horrible place to be and i understand completely, i lost my mum to cancer a year ago and put ttc on hold untill now as i didnt know how id cope with it all, but you got to think about how long his mum will be ill for or if its terminal and what treament she will be having you just dont know. my mum was ill for 5 years so its a long time to wait if you want a family soon and also a baby could help your husband through the rough times as hel have something nice to look forward to. i hope you get sorted out and lots of luck to all its a devastating illness and really feel for you xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Glad you are still going to TTC..... Hope you get a BFP soon X