teenagers smoking

[frangelle]

Sex is a bit different, because it can't kill you, although of course I would not be happy if she started having sex underage.

!

Unless they get AIDS...???

 

[MissGobby]

I know Danny's brother smokes and they have always let him smoke infront of them, i would never let my children smoke infront of me but they didnt have a problem with it...they even buy his fags for him!!

 

[budge]

What is your opinion on teenagers smoking?
its just that when i was a tesco yesterday a mother and teenage girl (about 13/14 years old) walked passed and the girl lit up a cigarette and the mum just let her . they looked like a totally 'normal'mother and daughter, not like tinks or anything. i cant believe some people actually let their teenagers smoke in front of them. is this a common thing for people to do? I would never let my child smoke in front of me espially when they were still exactly that - a child!

well i think that young people or anyone who smoke must be of low intelligence . There is so much publicity of the dangers of smoking that anyone taking it up now or in the last 20 years must be tapped
I mean come on whats it all about. Why smoke???

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I started smoking when I was 13 and I wish to god that my mum had taken more steps to stop me. She grounded me for a weekend when she found some in my coat pocket, but then when she found some more she just said "well ok I cant stop you". She bloody well could have done and I wish she had because ive now been smoking nearly 20 years, and although ive managed to give up a couple of times when pregnant ive always started again and will probably never kick it properly. It will kill me eventually I know that, but the addiction is too strong and its the only vice I have. I am weak when it comes to cigs.

When my girls were little I used to say oh if they want to smoke/drink/have sex then I will let them as they will only go and do it anyway and id rather know what they are doing them have them hide things from me, but now they are older and my eldest is nearly 15 and at the age where these things become an issue, my opinion has completely changed. I will take whatever steps necassary to stop her if she starts drinking or smoking at such a young age.

Those who have said they will let their kids smoke, I really believe you think that would be the best thing but once they get older and it becomes a reality you will change your mind I gaurantee it

 

[Dee1985]

Those who have said they will let their kids smoke, I really believe you think that would be the best thing but once they get older and it becomes a reality you will change your mind I gaurantee it

i totaly agree but no one is just letting them smoke thinking its no problem, of course we are going to regret it but how can you really stop them?
if you ground them or smack them, they will learn that in the future to just make sure they never get caught then thats when they start going behind your back.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I started smoking at 9, due to peer pressure and it wasnt my mums fault.I hid it well. I was having a rough time at home and my smoking helped me deal with what i was going through at the time.
I know its appalling, but i had my reasons for it and it was rough where vi lived, but il never say that my mum didnt care.When she found out i was 11 and had started poinching her fags and she noticed and caught me.

She went ballistic to say the least and grounded me and the rest of it, but in the end the deal wasI had to smoke so she could keep an eye on me.Becasue she knew i would do it as soon as i was out the door. She stopped my pocket money and i was allowed 2 cigs a day.

She would not let me smoke properly until i was 16.I dont blame her for wehat she did, i was a horrible child and made things dofficult for her.

I dont smoke now, and wont do again, and if i catch my kids smoking il bloody kill them.Hypocritical? no not at all....I dont want my kids making my mistake and having bad health. plus kids look awful with ciggies and I looking at kids today i know how i looked and I feel terrible and i know the poressure i put on my mother.

 

[Dee1985]

smoking used to be the "cool" thing when i was younger but nower days its the opposit it looks pretty minging. and more for the rough chavvy kids to be doing so i have good faith that by the time my kids are reaching the 'peer presure age' that fags will not be classed as cool. more then likely Coke - that seems to be the 'in thing' at the min. but more for older people 18+ im sure it will get younger and younger though

 

[libs]

But if you follow that theory you will never tell your children off for anything on the basis that next time they will just be more careful not to be caught. We have a rule in our house that if you do something wrong you will be punished, however if you lie when asked about what you have done wrong, then the punishment is doubled. That works quite well for us, without having to remove rules and discipline.

Surely if you catch your child smoking then the best way is to ground them, give them a punishment like having to work out how much smoking will cost them over 5 or 10 years and make sure in future that you keep a close eye on them and the amount of money they have to spend and what they are spending it on.

I watch children every day where I live with parents' who say - well there's nothing I can do about it so they might as well tell me so we can be friends- whether its skiving school, smoking, getting drunk, anti social behaviour etc. There is something you can do - you have a thing called a front door, put the child behind it, lock it and tell them the only place they go until you can trust them again is school. Children don't have a divine right to unlimited freedom, its a privledge they earn through good behaviour - just like in adult life there are consequences to bad behaviour.

 

[Princess_Puddles]

Those who have said they will let their kids smoke, I really believe you think that would be the best thing but once they get older and it becomes a reality you will change your mind I gaurantee it

i totaly agree but no one is just letting them smoke thinking its no problem, of course we are going to regret it but how can you really stop them?
if you ground them or smack them, they will learn that in the future to just make sure they never get caught then thats when they start going behind your back.

I agree with you there Dionne, I wouldn't be happy with Harrison smoking and I wouldn't just let him smoke, i'd obviously be disappointed in him, I'd try and put him off but I wouldn't be able to stop him, he'd only go and do it behind my back!

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I think its about educating them on the dangers. If you just punish them without explaining WHY its wrong they will never learn - not that I think anyone here would be guilty of that but its worth mentioning.

I used to tell my girls how horrible it was to smoke, I never smoked in the house with them or around them but they knew I was going outside to smoke and would ask why I smoke if its so horrible - good point - I told them that once you start its very very hard to stop so the best thing is never to start. It seems to work because they are both completely anti-smoking

Theres tonnes of information out there now for kids about the dangers of smoking so its not hard to scare them into never starting in the first place

 

[Dee1985]

no i would never lock my daughter in the house and keep her there.

i would tell her how ashamed and dissapointed i am, and hopefully we will be close and have a bond where that alone will upset her me saying that to her. i will tell her all the down sides. and that if she truely thinks its the right thing to do then she can go ahead with it and loose all respect from me. but i think that alone would upset a child if they are close to their mum in the first place.
my mum found out i was doinng drugs when i was 17, she cryed she was so so upset. i felt so bad for it seeing my mum so upset how well she had bought me up then me throwing it all back in her face.

 

[Dee1985]

looking back at my posts why do i always imagine im going to have all this with Dior and dont think about Harley ever doing it

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

looking back at my posts why do i always imagine im going to have all this with Dior and dont think about Harley ever doing it

I know what you mean, I know my eldest would never do any of this stuff but im not sure about my youngest, shes much more of a loose cannon!

 

[Princess_Puddles]

But if you follow that theory you will never tell your children off for anything on the basis that next time they will just be more careful not to be caught. We have a rule in our house that if you do something wrong you will be punished, however if you lie when asked about what you have done wrong, then the punishment is doubled. That works quite well for us, without having to remove rules and discipline.

Surely if you catch your child smoking then the best way is to ground them, give them a punishment like having to work out how much smoking will cost them over 5 or 10 years and make sure in future that you keep a close eye on them and the amount of money they have to spend and what they are spending it on.

I watch children every day where I live with parents' who say - well there's nothing I can do about it so they might as well tell me so we can be friends- whether its skiving school, smoking, getting drunk, anti social behaviour etc. There is something you can do - you have a thing called a front door, put the child behind it, lock it and tell them the only place they go until you can trust them again is school. Children don't have a divine right to unlimited freedom, its a privledge they earn through good behaviour - just like in adult life there are consequences to bad behaviour.

Don't get me wrong Libs, I agree with everything you've said but everyone has different parenting. I know i've always had a 'sort of' (there were & are other issues with our relationship) good bond with my Mum and that is due to the fact that she let me learn from my own mistakes! Im not going to let Harry get away with everything because I'd prefer to be friends and have that trust there but there are things that I don't feel I could stop him from doing, Im still a teenager myself and I know what the kids are like now days because I used to be one and my friends are still them! I'd prefer Harry to tell me things than rebel..but thats just how I want to do things, doesn't mean im enforcing it onto other people

 

[libs]

Actually I never have to lock it as my son has enough respect for me that he would never dream of disobeying a punishment. There's enough info given to children in school to explain why smoking is bad for them in the long term, they already know that, now they need to know that it is also bad for them in the short term, by putting in place a punishment.

But I don't think buying a child WKD to go and share with their friends so that they don't feel left out is saying look how disappointed I am in you, I think its saying that's fine, of course you can drink. I think giving a child cigarettes is saying of course you can smoke.

I - just like GGG used to think when my children are teenagers I'll be their best friend etc etc. ( and I was a young mum too) Children have best friends, they need parents and they need boundaries. I know personally lots of parents my age (so we were all teenage mums) who aim to give their children nothing to rebel against - and I watch their children smoking and drinking in the street, I see the anti social behaviour and education truancy officer calling. Out of 10 children in our street all within 2 years of Josh - he's they only one never to have been suspended from school, or have a visit from the anti social behaviour officer.

My step children were brought up on the whole, well you do that if you want but I won't respect you thing...they're now the worst example of anti social young men you can imagine, and after a few visits to the prison where they serve their drink and drug related sentences I'm pretty set in my ambition to be a parent not a friend.

 

[Dee1985]

but then i would hate my child to be left out and get picked on because they dont drink, so i would let them have 1 bottle off alco pop, so they still get to fit in with their friends. but be sensible about it by having nothing else. i think you need to give and take in these situations

 

[mummykay]

its definitely about compromise, Dionnes little sis could just go and drink herself silly without her mum knowin but at least shes only havin one in return for being able to drink in the first place!

i might have to do that with Jamie when hes older so I know hes not out being a thug but I will cross that bridge when I come to it, right now Im tryin to stop him eatin soil out of the plant pot!!

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Im with libs on this one completely, and I think its easy to say these things Dionne when they are young and the boundaries you need to set in place arnt as major, but as your kids grow and you need to set more and more boundaries you realise that its not good enough to just let them go and do stuff so they dont feel left out, you need to make sure they know that peer pressure is not on. They need to learn to make their own choices and not follow the crowd, to stand on their own 2 feet and say no im not doing that!

 

[libs]

I would hope my son would find new friends who don't base their social time around drinking and picking on children who don't. I would spend my time giving him the confidence to say no - so that they day they pick on him cos he won't try a new drug of choice he has the strength of character to walk away and realise what losers they are. Because one day I won't be there and he'll need to have that strength to stand up to what is bullying, without giving in for fear of being picked on.

 

[SarahH]

I smoked from 14 to when I fell preg and I NEVER smoked in front of any of my family - not even my brothers and sister!