Social Services

[HeppiBean]

OK, I saw my midwife today and she seems desperate to refer us over to SS. At my last 2 appointments with her she asked me if my mental health midwife was doing anything about SS and both times I told her no, as MH midwife said she didn't think it was necessary.

On Tuesday I had an appointment in London at King's College Hospital for a cardiac scan on Francesca to check if everything is ok as I was born with a minor heart defect. I did not attend this appointment due to lack of funds (it would have cost £60 for both my partner and I to get there) and also being ill and not wanting to travel that far. When we told my midwife this she started pushing for a referral to SS on the grounds that during my pregnancy I have now missed 2 appointments down to lack of funds. I asked how SS could help with funds as it is not budgetting we have trouble with, we just barely get enough money to survive on.

I told her that I was not happy with the referral and she started bringing up other excuses to refer us such as my previous mental health. Yes, I have suffered with sever depression and anxiety for over 10 years, yes, I have tried to take my own life twice, the most recent being November last year, but she referred me to the MH midwife to have me assessed and she didn't think it was necessary. Doesn't the MH midwife have more grounds to get SS involved for my mental health than she does? She's never even asked me how I am coping and feeling now!

I got very upset at this point and OH stepped in saying that he believed she was being very unfair deeming us unfit parents without even knowing anything about us (she didn't even know why I was there today). He told her that my treatment for my mental health stopped before christmas, which it did, and that surely if there was a problem with my mental health my GP would still be treating me for it and the MH midwife would have referred me. My midwife then said that because I've been referred to the local psychiatric team then obviously there is a problem and began to get VERY rude. I was in fact referred to the psychiatric team for a final assessment to put my treatment to a close officially. OH told her this and she started to trip over her words.

OH carried on saying that my treatment was over but that he was still on medication (anti-depressants) due to his Asperger's. She sprung on this and it was her next excuse for a referral to SS. By now OH and myself are both feeling highly insulted and I was very emotional for the way this woman, who doesn't even know us, was treating us. In the space of ten minutes she said that a referral to SS should be made because I can't attend appointments, we can't manage our money, I was depressed and suicidal and my partner has autism. I believe this is disgusting as only 1 of those things actually rings true!

After quite a heated discussion she agreed to not make the referral now but she has filled in a form to say that she is "concerned", which will flag up to every health professional I see.

I'm sorry for the rant I just believe that we have been unfairly treated today and do not believe that SS is necessary. I was hoping for you girls opinions?

Personally I'm so against SS involvement because once they're in they're in. And I don't want strangers snooping about in every aspect of mine, my partners and my daughters life for the next 16-18 years.

 

[Baby Bean]

Even if she refers you, chances are that ss wouldn't take in your case anyway from what you've said. It's actually pretty difficult to get ss involved when there are problems let alone if things don't warrant it! It's horrible that you were made to feel so bad today and that mw sounds v unprofessional but just to play devils advocate for a minute, if she has any concerns for whatever reason and doesn't refer you and then something were to happen (im not for.1 second suggesting it would with you, this is just hypothetical) then she would be in a huge amount of trouble. I'm sorry to say that at the end of the day she's probably just trying to cover her arse. Which.is crappy for you I hope that makes sense, not sure I explained very well my point tho is try not to worry hun x

 

[pinkymum]

I have a family support worker because of previous mh problems. I've seen her 4 times throughout my pregnancy. They have no concerns about me and if all stays fine (which it will) after baby arrives they will drop out. I was so worried when I was first referred but ss involvement doesn't mean your baby will be taken away or anything. I agree with baby bean, that the midwife will more than likely be covering her own arse, just incase. I was told I would have been assigned an actual social worker if they'd had any concerns but they just need to make sure all is ok. I have to say I've had a very positive experience with them and I'm glad that I've had some ss involvement so they know exactly what is going on if that makes sense.
Please try not to worry hun
X

 

[songbird]

Im so sorry she has made you feel so bad but know that you are not being judged
I have a social worker due to my mh and physical health and i have found them to be really helpful. and anything extra i need they get me pretty fast. When they can see im confident and feel good about myself and we are all ok they will drop out. Once they are involved they do back off when they know all is ok my friend had to have ss help about 2 years ago due to her depression and they signed off her case 6 months ago and she has not heard or seen them since

Im sorry she sounds like she was not professional about it at all and to make you feel like a bad parent is not fair. like the pp said even if you are refereed it does not mean they will do anything and if they do they are actually there to help you.

 

[PrincessPeanut]

I'm in total agreement with the other replies on here.
The MW sounds like a right bitch and sounds very unprofessional in the way she spoke to you about things. However, I am personally pleased that at least it's something that's been looked into. Obviously this is not aimed at you or your partner, heaven forbid! But you see so many cases on the news where SS have let families down when they really needed help, it's good to know that they're being pro-active about things now and worrying about covering their own backsides. More people need to be like this to make sure the people who do actually need the help and support actually get it and children are saved from any kind of upset and hurt further down the line. Despite this all, I would not accept the treatment she gave you and OH in terms of the way she spoke to you. It's disgusting and if you can, lodge a complaint and ask for a referral to another MW.

Good luck and it's lovely to hear how well your doing now xxxxx

 

[wishuponastar]

Hey Heppi, I'm a social worker and from what you say there wouldn't be any grounds to be involved in your family. She sounds like she's over-reacting. She's probably got in trouble before for not referring when she should have. Try not to worry too much, even if she makes a referral and even if SS take it on, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll stay in your lives for ages. I understand how you much feel though.

xx

 

[HeppiBean]

Hey Heppi, I'm a social worker and from what you say there wouldn't be any grounds to be involved in your family. She sounds like she's over-reacting. She's probably got in trouble before for not referring when she should have. Try not to worry too much, even if she makes a referral and even if SS take it on, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll stay in your lives for ages. I understand how you much feel though.

xx

It's relieving to hear from a social worker that there doesn't seem to be any grounds for the referral... I didn't think so but it still got me panicking ya know... Thank you xx