So upset :( :( :(

[Dragonfly Fi]

Me and Liam just had baths after each other

so he is in the bath and i am sat on the loo talking to him

(liam) 'get some more holiday in January'

(me)'January's going to be minging'

'why?'

'why do you think?'

'I dunno, the weather?'

'Perhaps because we should have given birth to our little girl in January and now shes dead?'

I then stormed over to the sink and brushed my teeth

'no need to be like that Fi, ffs'

No fucking NEED to be like that? Is the man DEVOID of any fucking thought or CARE for our dead child? What the HELL is wrong with him?? It literally DOES NOT MATTER to him

not a moments thought, NOTHING inside him is hurting because this child has died. Not one. Single. Thing

fucking twat

 

[ZMD]

Oh Hun big xx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Hes just come down the stairs and had a go at me because i 'married a forgetful man and i should learn to deal with it'

i told him i am TRYING to deal with the fact that the death of OUR CHILD means so little to him but its not very nice and i dont care enough about him right now to have a fucking conversation with him

He then went on to tell me i was being 'fucking ridiculous'

twat

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

And i am NOT sharing a bed with him tonight, not for shit. he can sleep alone, i'll sleep in the babies room

 

[Sam's Mum]

As much as men can be pretty useless with dates and thinking ahead, forgetfulness is not an excuse for talking to you like that!! Hope you're ok and he starts considering how you're feeling too
Has he talked to you about his feelings? xx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

yes, he says it really hasnt bothered him, he didnt know her, he didnt hold her or touch her or look at her. His dad dying was far more painful for him and it really hasnt affected him that much

 

[BabyBrain]

Oh darling! Men just don't get it, it's not really their fault but they honestly just don't understand. They are not built the same as us, it seems they have no concept of that love we feel until they actually see the baby. Men love with their eyes, if they can see it and touch it then fine, it not then it's like it doesn't compute. They love us for carrying the baby and get excited about being a dad but I honestly don't think it's the same.

I was talking to a friend of mine once who is high up in the Spiritualist church (I'm not a spiritualist btw) and I asked her about miscarriage and stillbirth as they believe the baby's spirit enters the body at conception. She said to me....

"Every spirit is here to learn a lesson. It's the only reason they enter the confines of a human body. Sometimes the only lesson they need to learn is the all consuming unconditional love that only a mother can give to an unborn baby."

You felt that love. And yes he was a twat for not thinking before he spoke but please don't let it affect you too much. I bet he feels awful about it now, whether he admits it or not.

Massive hugs to you love xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Elfs Mummy]

oh hun I think men find it easy to detach themselves they don't feel that its their child as they don't feel the baby or all the lovely things that we get to experience when having a child. I hope he becomes more understanding hun you dont deserve this xxxx

 

[kanga86]

I just asked my oh when our baby would have been born if I didn't mc and he said December sometime? I was actually due 8th January, so men have no clue. I don't think he should have called u ridiculous though, as it is understandable u are going to remember the date forever and feel as though he should too!

Sometimes I wonder if my oh ever thinks about the bean we lost, most of the time I feel as though it was just me that experienced the loss. Big hugs hunny and I hope u make up with Liam zoom xx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

well he can become more understanding on his own. I am going out tomorrow night as soon as the barstard gets home and he can deal with it alone. I am NOT going to waste my time with someone who has so LITTLE care or feelings in their body.

i am so angry with him it is untrue

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

he might not have looked at her, but he sat with me for 8 hours while i birthed that child, he was there when i broke down and cried, watched me pick myself back up and he cant even remember that she was due in january

hes a *******.

 

[FebMum2Be]

even if he didn't remember he should still be supportive and understand your not feeling the same way or dealing with it the same way as he is he can use forgetfulness as an excuse but that does not excuse him giving your feelings no thought xxxxx

 

[dyscochick]

he should be more understanding, just to try a bit hard or at least then apologise for forgetting. I can just about understand him not really connecting with it all, but he should try and see how you are feeling

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

he didnt even bother apologising. I just had a massive go at him about it and he said i am over reacting to him and i have to accept that he is a forgetful person and get on with it

I told him he has NO heart and he said that i dont know him.

Well if he thinks i can handle all this shite on my own, having to REMIND him every five minutes that we lost our little girl, then perhaps HE doesnt know ME either.

I dont want to know him right now. He has gone out. Left the house completely. I hope he never comes back.

 

[daniph1]

Hope u r ok darling! I shall pop onto my netbook later and write a proper message as typin on my blackberry is soooo hard!! Xx

 

[dyscochick]

Hope you are ok hun, did he come back? Xxx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

He came back and was very sorry and upset. I was angry with him and he explained that he was trying to be 'strong' by not ever mentioning how he felt about it so he didnt bring me down. I said i felt like the only person in the world who remembered her. I said i felt like my friends had shed more tears than him over the loss of our child.

We have agreed to go back to the forest this weekend so that he can release some emotions because he was just concentrating on jasper so that i could say goodbye (but that made me feel like i was there on my own!)

And he is going to stop the 'hard man' act because its making me feel terrible

mostly and most importantly, he is going to stop making me feel bad because i am upset if he has forgotten the due date or the date that we delivered her. Because of COURSE its going to upset me that he cant remember that. I even pointed out that if he had of been a complete stranger and we had had that conversation, he would have been apologetic that he didnt know about my daughters death or when her due date would have been

So good and positive really - he has a half day today which will be nice x

 

[netty]

awww sweety its not that it doesnt mean anything to him men are just different, my OH doesnt know when our bubba was due and says i shouldnt speak aboyut it so much as it doesnt help. he hasnt mentioned our little angel oncebut i know its simply becuase he cant express the pain likme i can.

it was a thoughtless comment i agree but i really dont think he meant to hurt you sweety

BIG hugs hunny x pm me if you need a rant my OH has aspergers which mean he is stubborn as an ox and as ignorant as one most of the time but not out of malice just they way he is i totally understand having an seemingly uncaring OH sometimes xx

 

[netty]

oop didnt see you last post, glad its all ok lol

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

sweetie i do understand an appreciate you empathising with me, but we lost that baby at 23 weeks... we had discussed where she would sleep, cleaned her bedding, gone shopping for baby clothes, chosen a name, Along with that we sI spent 8 hours in the labour ward delivering her and she was a fully formed yet tiny baby.

I suppose i just feel after ALL that, it should have meant something to him, not just that she died so late but also the horrible experience we had to go through to get her out

not saying that you suffered any less or anything... i dunno i just dont think its comparable to an early miscarriage i am sorry, it was a ridiculously painful, longwinded and nasty medical experience. We had to know that she was being cremated and we had to tell everybody what had happened. It was truly awful.

sorry if i sound nasty saying that but i just dont think its right that we assume we have all been through the same, i have had it so much easier because i already have Jasper but i dont think a late and an early miscarriage are the same thing...