Smacking

[Sammystar]

I would never judge or say a mum was 'abusing' her child if she smacks. I know how hard it can be!

I've got the Supernanny book, Little Angels DVD and CD, watched The House of Tiny Tearaways, tried the whatsername Ford methods......We've got a naughty room, we've withdrawn favours, used the ignore bad and praise good method EVERYTHING and still my little angels can mutate into little devils in a whisper for ZERO reason!
Luckily they tend to return back to being angels after a while

Sometimes I even put MYSELF in the naughty room, just to get away from them
Actually, that method seems to shock them and be most effective!

How interesting, the last method works the best!!!

Do you have a preferred method though?

The 'time out' (naughty room) method works really well at home, but you can't do that as easily when out and about.
Ignoring also works, but it's REALLY hard to do when there's a tantrum being thrown and you're in the thick of it. It's also no good when in public because you can't walk away from a child in public, tempting as it may be!
When out in a restaurant, supermarket or other public place and things start to get out of hand, I tend to get down to the childs level, speak in a firm but low voice and say 'everybody's watching you, they are all thinking what as naughty little girl you are....'
This tends to get them thinking and diffuses the situation. Obviously it only works with an older child though.

We also have a behaviour chart at home, and I have to say that works really well. My girls get 'black marks' if they are bad and 'stars' if they are especially good.
Black marks result in withdrawal of favours such as TV, favourite toys etc (a Supernanny tip!) and stars are rewarded with return of TV, toys etc. Also a special little treat if we get many stars ( a rare occurance in our house right now )

I've tapped the back of the hand a couple of times, but I don't think it had effect other than two seconds of shock followed by more rebellion!

Crikey, I'm making my kids out to be monsters, they're lovely really
Well, most of the time

 

[lauramumof2]

My fireplace was made out of solid marble. There was no fire there though, it was just a big massive block of it but it couldnt be moved so bubble wrap it was

I would find it hard to take Jessica away from somewhere we were at because that would mean Joe would have to leave too.

Naught step definately works. She hates to be excluded from the room.

But sometimes I do decide to use the 'if you do not stop I shall smack your leg' option. Not often but I do it and make no excuses. In the last 6 months Ive followed through with it 3 times and i have done it in public.

 

[Urchin]

This has been an interesting thread and I'm glad to see it hasn't turned into an argument.
We do need debates such as this on a forum, that's why it's here, to hear different viewpoints on things.

 

[Misslarue]

This has been an interesting thread and I'm glad to see it hasn't turned into an argument.
We do need debates such as this on a forum, that's why it's here, to hear different viewpoints on things.

Well said
Its given me a lot to think about

 

[skairdykat]

Lou while I agree that smacking doean't work. I would like to fast forward 10 or so years and see if ou have stck to your no shouting at Issac rule. I somehow doubt it

 

[lauramumof2]

This does not apply to everysingle reply but interestingly you might notice that the people with the older children were more pro smacking and the people with the younger children were not.

Not that anybody liked smacking but you see what I mean?

 

[Freya]

I noticed that too.

TBH I notice when I read a lot of things on here that mother of older children seem to be more flexible and tolerant with their ideas.

I think that is because you do try and start off with very clear ideas of what you will/won't do with your children but sometimes things are not as clear cut or as easy to deal with as you hoped.

I just wanted to say (in case anyone finds it helpful) of a way we discipline our daughter (who is 5). It is based on a pocket money idea I saw on a programme once. Basically after dinner in the evening my daughter is allowed 6 sweets (penny sweet things). BUT she has to earn these sweets in the day - for instance if she lets us brush her hair without any fuss she gets a sweet - eats all her dinner - behaves when she is out etc. AND we can take a sweet off her if she misbehaves. We have found this really successful and we only have to say - you will lose a sweet if you do that and she stops whatever she is doing. I know this will not work for everyone but it is really successful for us.

 

[kirlykird]

No never.

I wouldn't look down at someone who did but it isn't for me, I don't believe that it helps.

You don't need to be physical to give good discipline.

I believe in trying to teach my children the right way & surely if I smack them it eill show them that physical violence is acceptable.You may think that I am being extreme in that but how would you feel if your child was to turn around & do the same to another,would they be bad or simply following your example?

I was smacked well more tapped as a child & I can't say that had much of an effect on improvong my behaviour... whereas being told how much or seeing how much I had upset my mom really did.

I also don't believe in making my children afraid of me in a physical way..I want there respect not fear.

As stated I hope this post doesn't come across as judgemental but this is my opinion with my children.

 

[Lou]

Hi

I havent run away and joined a convent, I've been to Wittering for the weekend. Was lovely apart from our back box opened while we were driving along and we lost Isaac's stroller on a main road!!!! We went back to get it and some buggers had only nicked it!!!! Anyway I had a headache saturday so Jarrod and Isaac had a whole day at the beach without me and they had a great time. Jarrod said that Isaac wasnt naughty once and he was good as gold. I think Isaac knows I have less patience than daddy. And yes Isaac does understand when I punish him. He called my bluff last week though. He wouldnt stop pulling out the kitchen stool while I tried to wash up so I said "If you don't stop it you'll go into your highchair, do you want to go into your highchair"? And yep...Isaac said "yes"!

As for still not shouting at him 10 years down the line I wouldn't like to say but I hope I will have the same patience then that Isaac's daddy has now. It's something I'm working on

Lou [/quote]

 

[mummykay]

i was smacked as a kid - hard!!!

but i dont think Jam will get smacked, it didnt discipline me, it just made me an angry and aggressive person and i still am

he will get 'the look', and silent treatment cos that will make him learn his lesson!!!

 

[babsi]

As long as no one is hurting the child physically or mentally then for me how we discipline our children is our choice. The only thing though is that you need to be consistent with how you do it.

The other thing when I was pregnant I would look down on parents in how they acted but now I realise I am doing the same things when out as them. We went out for a meal about a month ago and we got Kai a kind of Scampi with fries (it was actually the 1st time he had fries) and I heard a pregnant woman talking to her partner commenting negatively on what he was having. And I gave her a dirty look and she just looked away.

Also when I go to my baby group, Kai is the most active baby there by far, and you get these women sitting there with there sleeping 2 month olds looking down their noses sort of saying my baby is so well behaved and your isn't. they will learn lol

BTW what are the laws on smacking?

 

[Sherry]

Been an interesting thread to read.
I found this on smacking laws . http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4175905.stm

I am another that has smacked and I too was smacked as a child, but havent done for a long time as, as Josh got older he had things to take away as punishment for him being naughty. Such as not allowed to play out with friends, being sent to his room or the one he really hates - NO PUDDING after dinner
In my situation it was probably the easy option to smack as I was younger, inexperienced with him being my first and also being smacked myself. I am not saying these are excuses but with all the programmes of "supernanny" and all that, if have found other ways of dealing with bad behaviour.
Sherry x

 

[tracyM]

I don't smack mine anymore, not because I don't agree with it, but because they don't need it anymore. I've smacked in the past and they know I'd do it again if they go far enough.

I am very consistent so they all know exactly where the boundaries are, and there are never any exceptions. Stuart, on the other hand, is very easy going and refuses to smack, but it's always me that gets called upon to intervene when they won't behave for him.

 

[Squiglet]

I was smacked a lot as a child....there were the syllable smacks from my mother...where she would say something like....You will not do that again, do you understand me....and for every syllable in the sentence she would smack me....and when I was really naughty she would tell my dad when he got home and he would smack me with his slipper really hard. I remember these times really clearly and I don't have a great relationship with my mother and I resent her for the fact that I felt I had a really miserable childhood.

So when Tia came along I said I wouldn't smack her... I've lived up to that only failing once when she tried to stick her fingers in a plug socket and I panicked and smacked her hand...she was so shocked that I hit her, she never went near a socket again. And in all actuality, I've not needed to smack Tia. She hates it when I am disappointed with her, or I withdraw my emotions from her when she's naughty, and she will come round straight away...

Also sometimes kids need to let off steam before you can deal with them.... Tia goes to her room (by choice now), shuts herself away for half an hour, has a good cry, then I come in and we have a little chat about what's going on. It works really well.

Personally I can't abide it when an adult smacks a child, it just brings back so many terrible memories, so I just have to look in another direction. Its everyone's right to discipline their child in a way they believe is correct as long as the child does not suffer un necessarily...but I just can't deal with it.