Smacking

[Tiny Sue]

Does anyone here smack their LO? I have to admit that I smack Naomi from time to time if she is really naughty.

I was out for lunch with a friend of mine the other day and Naomi was with us. We got talking about her DS who is about 2. He has never been smacked and he misbehaves a lot. Not to say that he isn't disciplined but let's just say that I try to avoid Naomi meeting him too much because he is quite nasty and mean to her, pushes her over etc.

Anyway, when she heard that I sometimes smack Naomi, she looked at me and said that she would need counselling if she did that to her DS, she would lose her life if she was that unkind to him.

I smiled rather awkwardly and said that I feel guilty too but feel that I am right if she needs it. And she said, in front of Naomi, that she probably just knows that Mammy is feeling bad and has to be bad to Naomi to get over it.

I've never been more offended in my life. I didn't say anything at the time, but is that really how people see parents who smack their children? Is my reasoning warped somehow? Both OH and I were smacked as children, I don't do it hard and always on her nappy where it won't hurt her.

I now feel like some outdated unenlightened relic of the dark ages where children were locked in cupboards, tied to beds, and starved when they misbehaved.

Anyone?

Sue

 

[EllieG]

Please don't be offended but the way u wrote'he's never been smacked andhe mi8sbehaves a lot, makes it sound like u think the bad behaviour is caused by not being smacked. I have voted never, I have 3 girls and have never and would never smack them. I too was smacked as a child and believe that all it taught me was thst my parents couldn't deal with the situation so I got a smack, that was the end of whatever had happend. I take away privalidges, use the time out step and am complimented on their behaviour (most of the time!), and try to remain in control.
Everyone is so different in their parenting but I wouldn't blame your friends sons behaviour on not being smacked, there is more to it than that.

 

[kellie80]

I have smacked Aimee and Jess before but I only do it if they are really naughty and would never do it out of temper. If Aimees really naughty I tap her hand and it usually works. I was smacked as a child but only in the same circumstances as I do now and I never though my mum was a bad mum or out of control and I really used to work for me. I doesn't really work for Jess any more and she sees been sent to her room or grounded as more of a punishment at the minute.

 

[Tiny Sue]

I see.

Ellie G, I am not offended. I looked at that piece I wrote and should amend it. I didn't mean that his bad behaviour is caused by not being smacked.

I do not smack Naomi because I can't deal with a given situation. I rarely smack her except in extremes, and I never ever do it if I am feeling angry. I would never smack her in anger.

You know what? Whatever I type now is going to sound so awful, I'm sorry I started the thread in the first place.

I NEVER smack Naomi because I'm feeling bad and I have to take it out on someone. The thought of anyone suggesting such a thing horrifies me.
Now I am beginning to doubt myself.

Aargh. Chat with OH coming up.

Sue

 

[foxymum]

i voted only in extremes, but the last few years i have stopped smacking really as i don't really think it works as the child gets older.
i think when you have a toddlre like you have then its different as she won't understand taking away privelages or even toys at that young age, so i think a little tap on the hand or nappy is fine as long as a person doesn't hurt the child (obviously)
not saying you hun just in general.

as the children get older, my DD is 11 & stepson is 14 then grounding & taking things away is more hurtful for them anyway.

 

[Xena]

We do smack Lydia sometimes but to be honest it doesn't seem to work very well.
She either just ignores it completely and carries on with whatever naughty thing she was doing, or it actually does make her cry - in which case I feel really guilty.
If the crying smacks actually worked though and stopped the bad behaviour, at least that would be something, but you can guarantee that the next day or the day after she'll do the same naughty thing she was previously doing, so she doesn't seem to learn anything from the smack.

I keep telling DH that we need to think of alternative disciplinary methods since the smacks don't work.

 

[Urchin]

I've never smacked Brody, I think he's way too young to even consider it, but I have smacked Mason once or twice, in extreme times like when he has ran out into a car park.
The last time I smacked him was when he was about 3, so not for 3 years and to be honest I don't think I will ever smack either of them again, I can see better ways of disciplining them now.

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hi Urchin -

That's precisely it, that's the kind of extreme case. Like when Naomi put her hand into the fireplace the other day. No fire was on, but she needs to know to keep the hands out of there because some day there will be.

Sue

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Any ideas on this cos im the same with stephen, if he runs away when were out shopping I will smack him, butr he will do it again and again.I have tried explaining to him that its dangerous and scares mummy and someone could take him. But he just doesnt understand due to he is a bit behind develpmentally.

I dont want to smack him but other methods are not working and it doeant help that we live with his nan too at the mo till our bungalow is sorted.
I really want a alternative to yelling at him and smacking him.I feel like a failure sometimes and im exhausted after a day of yelling at him i dont want to do it and i think me and him will have a better relationship if he is disaplined differently

 

[Babylicious]

I've smacked paris about 2 times in the past year, other things work better like get your pj's on.

I hate smacking, my dad was a sargeant and used a lot of discipline on my and my bro's and sis's. All it does it make you fear your parents for the wrong reasons

 

[Ruthy]

I was smacked a lot as a kid,and all it did was make me get used to it.So I'd hit back,harder.
I only smack in extremes,even then I give them a cuddle afterward and explain what they did wrong.I feel bad when I hit my kids.

 

[kellysomer]

I think that there is a world of difference between smacking and hitting a child. I do smack Isla and i am not ashamed of it. If she bites or hits someone or does something dangerous then she gets a smack on her nappy or on the back of her hand with a word 'naughty'. She doesnt cry and respects that she has done something wrong, i dont think she is too young as if she looks at me with a cheeky glint before she does the naughty thing she clearly knows she is doing wrong. I do not smack her hard and i doubt on the nappy she really feels it anyway but a firm tap does the job. She knows now if the cat is naughty and bites that she says 'nono' and holds out her own hand and taps it gently, she knows the cat has been naughty and is telling us that.

Any 'smack' Isla may get is carefully decided, done at the time not afterwards and given with a reason for the smack. She is very well behaved and doesnt need to be told things twice (usually!) I dont smack her very often at all as i dont need to.

I do not mean to offend anyone but I know this will offend someone posts like this usually do but every parent has different ways and tolerance levels and we are frequently complimented on our well behaved chilren. Incidentally the 6 year old has not been smacked for years as he is well behaved and very mature for his age. I think they just go through a challenging stage and do come through it.

 

[Joy and Ben]

I think this opens up an intersting debate but unfortunatley it usually ends up offfencing people without meaning to. I was rarely smacked as a child and if I was I knew I had done something really bad. I'd like to think that i'll have other strategies to discipline Ben but do believe that it is every parents choice.

Smacking only becomes a problem when it is over used and stops being a gentle smack and starts to really hurt the child. Then it is abuse.

 

[Lou]

You can call it what you like, smacking, hitting, tapping, the object of it is to hurt your child physically which in my book is unthinkable! And when it comes to "smacking" a child because it hit or pushed over another child and hurt them isn't then hurting your child making you as bad as them and giving them the wrong message?

I think it is absolutely disgusting. I will offend some people but tough. Smacking is wrong wrong wrong!!!!!!! Children need love and affection and need to feel safe and secure. I will never hurt Isaac or shout at him. He is a little person for gods sake. If he needs discipline then there are a million ways to give him boundries. Smacking and shouting is the easy way out for a quick fix for people too lazy to set rules and stick to them.

Lou

 

[kellysomer]

Can i ask how you stick to your rules and never shout at your child? I for one will kneel in awe at onyone who has never shouted at a child.... seriously you must be a better mother than me.

Can you also explain how you set rules and stick to them without shouting or smacking? I am not being rude but am genuinly interested.

 

[Dee1985]

I do agree with what your saying lou i think it is wrong
but i have not stuck with it.

i hate to shout i think its wrong i have a special voice i use. its very deep and harsh but never raise my voice. il give Dior a look when she over steps the mark and she knows
my way to punish Dior is to fall out with her. i will say "now you have really upset mummy" (while pulling a sad face)
it works a treat she will be so upset walk of cry then come back annd say sorry and give me a love.

i have smacked twice all together and i remeber why. once was through temper and i felt so bad after it was unreal!!! she was driving me mad kept hitting Harley when he was a baby. i swore after that it would never be through temper again. and last night on the way home. we were on the train she got Harleys foot in her houth about the clamp down and bite him so i smacked her on her sholder mainly to get her to not bite him. she cryed so much and fell out with me. i told her how sorry i was after but she should never bite.

but i do think its wrong to smack children smacking teachs them to smack and shouting teaches them to shout!

i was smacked as a child nothing major, just a swip across the legs but it did make me behave.
but i learnt then that if some one upsets me then i hit them, hence the reason i was always getting suspended from school and arrested. but of course i have learnt now

i ahte to see fear in a childs eyes

 

[Lou]

Can i ask how you stick to your rules and never shout at your child? I for one will kneel in awe at onyone who has never shouted at a child.... seriously you must be a better mother than me.

Can you also explain how you set rules and stick to them without shouting or smacking? I am not being rude but am genuinly interested.

Better mother? Its not a competition! I might not shout or smack but I could smoke round Isaac and feed him crap! I don't smoke or feed him crap but you get what I'm saying.

As for asking me to explain how I would stick to rules and never shout its simple. If Isaac is doing something I don't want him to do, for example pushing over a child at playgroup, I tell him (in my stern voice) its naughty then make him apologise with a hug or kiss and tell him if he does it again we will leave playgroup and go home. And then I would stick to it! I cannot see for one moment what smacking him in this situation would achieve? Isaac usually gets cranky when he is tired or hungry so I would then see to his needs, ie get him to sleep or feed him, then hopefully he would be his usual happy friendly self again.

Just one example but it would obviously be different for different situations. There are lots of things Isaac likes and dislikes so he can easily be punished without aggression or violence. He loves playgroup so taking him home would be punishment enough!

Hope this helps answer your question

Lou

 

[Flame]

You can call it what you like, smacking, hitting, tapping, the object of it is to hurt your child physically which in my book is unthinkable! And when it comes to "smacking" a child because it hit or pushed over another child and hurt them isn't then hurting your child making you as bad as them and giving them the wrong message?

I think it is absolutely disgusting. I will offend some people but tough. Smacking is wrong wrong wrong!!!!!!! Children need love and affection and need to feel safe and secure. I will never hurt Isaac or shout at him. He is a little person for gods sake. If he needs discipline then there are a million ways to give him boundries. Smacking and shouting is the easy way out for a quick fix for people too lazy to set rules and stick to them.

Lou

I dont think the idea of smacking your child is to hurt them at all, more to shock them to realise what they have done is wrong.

 

[Lou]

You can call it what you like, smacking, hitting, tapping, the object of it is to hurt your child physically which in my book is unthinkable! And when it comes to "smacking" a child because it hit or pushed over another child and hurt them isn't then hurting your child making you as bad as them and giving them the wrong message?

I think it is absolutely disgusting. I will offend some people but tough. Smacking is wrong wrong wrong!!!!!!! Children need love and affection and need to feel safe and secure. I will never hurt Isaac or shout at him. He is a little person for gods sake. If he needs discipline then there are a million ways to give him boundries. Smacking and shouting is the easy way out for a quick fix for people too lazy to set rules and stick to them.

Lou

I dont think the idea of smacking your child is to hurt them at all, more to shock them to realise what they have done is wrong.

But surely its the shock of hurting them that is the reason for smacking. If you did something I didn't like and I smacked you would it hurt? Probably not as much as smacking your child because of the size difference. Smacking them does not teach them anything other than smacking is acceptable. If a child runs in the road then teach them why they shouldn't run in the road. What does smacking teach them about road sense and danger?

At the moment Isaac has a thing about our fire guard. It doesn't matter what I say or do he wants to grab it and drag it across the living room. I have tried being stern and telling him its naughty, I've tried distracting him and removing him from the room but the only thing that works is for me to put the guard under the stairs till he goes to bed then put it back infront of the fire. I could shout at him when he touches it and I could smack him but why cause unneccessary upset? Like I said before, different things work for different situations. Theres certain things that I can't just pop under the stairs when I want to. Like the cooker for example lol When the cooker is on Isaac has to go in his highchair. Like it or not. He doesn't like it sometimes but I don't back down and let him out and sooner or later be it 30 seconds or 5 minutes he accepts he is in his highchair for the time being. Everyones happy, no drama, no smacks to stop him burning himself or shouting to keep him away from the cooker. He knows it is hot and he is in his chair for a reason because I tell him and explain.

Lou

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hi.

Having stayed away from this thread that I started, I came back to it today and to my disappointment found that it has turned into something I did not want.

I wanted opinions, sure. No problem. To say that you think smacking is right or wrong, no problem. However what I didn't want was a vehicle for the judgement of each other, and hurtful things being said by members of either school of thought about the other.

I think that this thread is escalating (or degenerating) into a slagging match. This was not my intention and I'm now going to pm a moderator and ask her to lock this thread.

Sue