Should I get married??

[xxbeckyxx]

Thought I'd leave it up to you guys

I've been thinking a lot about it recently though, I've never been into the idea of marriage that much - most people I know who have been married are now divorced....in fact I'm not sure I actually know that many *happily* married couples! I've also heard of couples being together for years and then they get married and end up being divorced within a year (although that could just be coincidence).
I don't feel I need to get married to show my love for OH, we are comfortable as we are and everyone knows we are a family so it really doesn't matter to anyone if we never marry.

The only little things that make me think I might want to be married are:
1. We would all have the same name - so many people assume Lizzie has my name, or if I tell them she has OH's name they assume we are married etc
2. When Lizzie is older and goes to school, are most of her friends going to have married parents? Is there a chance it could be problematic for her in any way?
3. It would be lovely to have a wedding, in terms of getting all of our family together for the day - people seem to make more of an effort at a wedding than if we just asked everyone to get together iykwim!

OH did ask me two years ago if I would 'one day be the mother to his children and his wife' and I said yes...then he gave me a ring, but we've never really said we're engaged cos it was always a 'one day in the future' thing...but I'm already the mum to his baby girl so I'm feeling the wife bit should eventually happen maybe? He says he isn't bothered but if that was part of his question then surely it means something to him?


Anyway, opinions please! Are you married? Is it easier for your kids/you?

 

[midnight]

im married and i love it my eldest 3 have different surname to me as they are not my dh and they sometimes call me by there surname at school which can be annoying so im always correcting them, if your going to get married then it has to be something you want to do not to just follow the crowd if your not fussed on getting married you can always change your name by deed poll

 

[xx emma xx]

I am getting married next year and can't wait to be part of a marriage if that makes sense. I just know that my OH is the one and we are just right for each other, and of course he is going to be the father of my child but regardless of that we would still be getting married. I'd say go with your heart, if he is the one you always want to be with then why not. And as midnight says if your not that bothered about marriage you can just get your surname changed.
My MIL was struggling to get a divorce from her ex partner who was abusive and she met my OH father in this time and while they waited on divorce going through and planning wedding she actually changed her name to his a year before they married! Xx

 

[MrsR]

I can not wait to be married. This is mainly because of my new life as a Christian. I absolutely can't wait! I'm ridiculously excited!!! To stand in front of God, friends, family and our children and make that commitment i can't even find the words to describe it! If it won't change your feelings/relationship, then why not just go for it! I cringe every time someone calls me miss. I'd much much rather be mrs!

 

[MrsR]

Also if you get married in a church, talk to the vicar about the possibility of marriage prep classes. I truly believe that the rate of divorce is because it's so 'easy' to get married (and divorced) so we chose to do marriage prep even though we already live together and have children!

 

[OzGirlNat]

I can't really advise you on whether or not marriage is right for you but...

...I love being married. We were together for 8 years before we got married and have now been married 18 months and things are great. We had a really good relationship before we got married but it's even better now.

If you've never felt the desire or need to get married then don't do it. As midnight said, you can always change your name by deed poll of you want to have the same name as your children (and it's a lot less expensive than a wedding). I honestly don't think whether a childs parents are married or not has any effect on them. So many couples aren't married nowadays and the fact that they have two parents who love them is so much more important.

 

[tinks77]

We're getting married this summer and we'll have been together 10 years almost to the day.
I always wanted to but OH wasn't bothered but when we decided to try for a baby (will be 7 months pregnant for the wedding) we decided to get married so all have the same name.
We are having very close family only so doesnt seem like such a big deal to him as marriage and baby in the same year is going to freak him out lol and it want to make it all as gentle as possible

 

[cherrybinky]

I was married 4 years and said Id never do it again as its a waste of time. However, on Valentines Day this year I mentioned to OH about marriage and he said hes not bothered to be fair and weve agreed if were still together in 5 years we will have a handfasting ceremony as Im pagan and were not religious in any other way and it will involve the children and family and be a nice outdoor celebration with good food, drink and family and friends. Thats all I want. But ultimately, its your call and whatever makes you both happy. x

 

[Rayoflight]

I love being married. I dunno how to describe it properly but it's just lovely.

I've found my own personal experience has been that when we do have problems and disagreements we work really hard at sorting it out and getting back on track. Being married would mean it would be a ballache to split and I think that's why we work hard at making it work!

That kind of makes sense in my head but not sure it will to anyone else. I just love it. It feels secure and wonderful.

 

[ERIN84]

I'm married and love it. We are VERY happy. Personally, I didn't want to have a baby until I was married. Not because of the old fashioned views but because I wanted us to do that first and have our time as a married couple before hand. We have done exactly what I wanted, get married, have AMAZING holidays, go out every weekend and now have our family

I don't think it would make any massive difference to lizzie tbh, but if you love eachother why not just go for it ?!!! X

 

[ERIN84]

I've found my own personal experience has been that when we do have problems and disagreements we work really hard at sorting it out and getting back on track. Being married would mean it would be a ballache to split and I think that's why we work hard at making it work!

.

Totally agree!!!

 

[Sam's Mum]

I've found my own personal experience has been that when we do have problems and disagreements we work really hard at sorting it out and getting back on track. Being married would mean it would be a ballache to split and I think that's why we work hard at making it work!

.

Totally agree!!!

Me too! I love being married. We were together for just under 6 years when we got married and that was nearly 6 years ago now. We do have our disagreements sometimes but I couldn't be happier! x

 

[FebMum2Be]

I would only do it if you felt it was right for you, I don't mean this to come across rude so I'm sorry if it does, if you are questioning wether you should or not, now id probably not the right time, it is something I want to do in the future but I won't do it for any reason other than me wanting it xx

 

[xxbeckyxx]

You're completely right FebMum, I guess the reason I'm asking is because my reasons for wanting to be married seem mostly practical and I was questioning that. I have no need to stand in front of family and friends to profess my love, I'm not even bothered about a wedding day (although there are some gorgeous dresses out there ).
I almost think that because in this day and age it's fine to not be married, there's not really a reason for it other than the practical reasons! Unless you're religious I suppose.
I'm just thinking out loud now so hope I'm not offending anyone

 

[dita_parlo]

I'm married, but to be honest it hasn't really changed our relationship at all. We had a very small wedding (only 14 people including us) but it was just something that we both always knew we'd do. We've both grown up with our parents/grandparents/aunty's etc all having successful marriages (no divorces in either family) so its always been seen as a positive thing for both of us.

 

[inky]

Me and OH have been together 15 years in May, but we don't have any intention of marrying. Neither of us comes from a religious family, and we don't feel the need to make anything 'official' as nothing would change. We have lived together since 1996, have a joint mortgage, joint bank account and run our own Company, of which we have equal partnership. Cahal has OHs surname and I will probably change mine too, if only to avoid any confusion when he goes to school.

I do know lots of couples that were together for a long time and then broke up, and they've all said the same thing - that theywere both guilty of becoming lazy in their relationship. Someone once said it felt like it was too restrictive too, she felt stuck and realised straight away that she should not have married in the first place .

There still seems to be a lot of pressure on people to marry, and although it can be a wonderful thing, I feel my relationship us just as wonderful, we just don't need a piece of paper to prove it!

 

[Princess81]

I don't want to get married at all. O/h suggested it before he went to Afghanistan because in case he died he wanted me to have his war pension (sounds terrible) but that's the only reason we were considering it. I have totally no desire to get married at all so I'd say if u dont want to then dont feel pressured to do it cos it seems like the right thig to do

 

[Alexandra84]

I love being married . My OH and I were together for 4 years before we we tied the knot and we've been married for over 3 years now. I didn't feel any pressure to get married at all, we both just wanted to because we felt that we were meant to be, so we went for it as soon as financial circumstances permitted. I still smile when I introduce him as 'my husband' (soppy but true!).

I guess I sound a bit traditionalist but I like the fact that we have made a more binding commitment to each other than just agreeing to live together and we would not want to have children before marrying. I should also mention that we're both atheist so it wasn't a religious decision or anything.

So, marriage was definitely for us. Others might not feel the same and I think that's fine too as long as you are BOTH happy. A lasting relationship, even between two very compatible people takes work, trust and lots of talking and listening. If your partner asked you whether you may want to 'be his wife' in the future then maybe that is something that is secretly important to him. Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a very open discussion about it with him, after all if it's something that he would ideally like and you don't really mind one way or the other then why not get married and make him (and yourself!) happier?

 

[sallyuk]

hi hun, i think you should do what you feel like, and not give in to the demands of social contracts. i've known many a young girls who've raised kids on their own without any stigma whatsoever. i'm a single mum as well. take it from me, you can do it if you want to. but if you want to get married, make sure that your husband loves your kids more than he loves you.

best of luck.

 

[sexyamy2005]

we were together just over 5 yrs when we got married, n will have been married 2 in june, and i allways wanted to be married before we had a baby, as someone else said, not because im religious or anything, just because it was my personal choice and i wanted to do it that way,

we lived together nearly 3 yrs before we were married and to be honest, besides changing my surname and having a ring on my finger, feel no different at all, but i like the feeling of security like rayoflight said, it would be such a pain if we did decide to split, that i think we would just work at it,

im 23 n most of my friends at schools mums n dads were not married, were a lot younger than mine and i was the odd one out for having married parients!? so i dont think it will affect lizzie at all,

good luck in your decision, i was amazed that when we were arranging the wedding, people thought i was mad gettin wed at 21, cos i was "to young" pfft, you sometimes just cant win n please some people! lol

xxx