SCUMBAG!!!

[keelie_b]

i need your support right now girls i dont know what to do. my best friend is on holiday and thered no one else i can talk to.
I just got an email from a girl i didnt know and in it she included an email from my OH. She appologised in hers. I then read my boyfriends and discovered that he had been having "some fun" with her.
Not only that, it happened on a night i spent in hospital with suspected ectopic. He waited in hospital with me and was so upset and woried. they admitted me and asked him to leave.
I know its him cos its his writing style.
he hasnt met up with her but asked her to do stuff over the webcam.

Im not sure if i can forgive for this.
i dont know what to do.
He's working so havnt been able to speak to him yet but what will i say?

Im 20years old i didnt want to be a single mum but will i just be better off without.
I dont know if i could trust him again.

please help me i need to stop this hurt my baby doesnt deserve this stress im feeling but i dont know how to calm dow.

 

[Melly+2]

Bin him!!!!! you could do better

 

[MissyRee]

How upsetting this must be for you Keelie_B
Maybe talking about it with him might help, if he owns upto it and explains why he did it /what was said etc then maybe you can resolve things depending on the situation and how you still feel about him? x

 

[nori]

Nightmare.. OK.. you need to sit down and talk about it. My first reaction would also be dump him but i know from experience that aint so easy (especially now you have LO on the way) The hurt and deceipt you must be experiencing now must be unbelievable. Bloody men! At least that woman kind of had the decent thing to do and tell you!

I cant tell you what to do and whatever you decide im sure it will work out one way or another. I lost so called freinds for not taking their advice in he past so you just do what YOU think is best.

Good luck with it hun and let us know how you get on,

Claire x

 

[poochielove]

This happened to me a about 2 months ago. I became suspicious and looked on his facebook anyway i found that he had been sending similar messages to lots of different women. I cried and didnt know wether to stay or go and in the end we spoke about it and he explained his reasons and i chose to stay with him. However i do think that is really unacceptable of him to do that while your in hospital worrying u might lose your baby. My OH is young at 22 and i think it was just a silly boy thing to do. He hasnt done anything since and is absolutaly so excited to be a dad, and everything he does is securing a better future for us. He works 3 jobs now i see it as a little blip. I guess it really depends on your relationship. Have these

 

[Beth88]

Keelie you don't need him hun.. my OH was a bit of a prick with me (nothing at all like that) and i was trying to make it work coz i was pregnant, but i eventually realised that i didn't need him, and if he continued to be a dick about things and be negative, i would just deal with it on my own...

hope your ok sweetie

 

[Becky]

I think you have two choices:

Decide now without talking to him that it doesn't matter what his reasons/explanation is - you're not interested

OR

Hear him out and make a decision based on his explanation.

Personally I would want to know what had happened to make it come to this and I think depending on how he handled it I'd make a decision based on whether he held his hands up and said sorry or if he acted like it was nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[charlotteheys85]

have some of these

i think you should talk to him face to face, i know easier said than done, but if he admits it, and gives you a reason you can deal with, work it out..

if he denys it, then he had his chance to tell the truth! so your better off without him..

my OH (before i was pregnant) has texts on his phone to a girl saying what they were going to do to each other, i asked him, he said it was his lad m8 messing around. So i told him to get out, i then rang the number, it was a girl, she told me everything (they hadnt done anything atall, just text) my OH then went on to explain he was drunk, and sorry, and told me he loved me for the first time. This was after about 8/9 months of being together. I forgave him.. and i do still have some slight trust issues because of this.. But i know he wouldnt cheat on me.. it was a mistake, and i'm glad i caught him out, but sometimes regret it, as we stayed together anyway, i'm the sort of person who prefers not to know these things.. xx

 

[spink]

IMO its better to be a single mum than to be with someone for the sake of the baby.believe me when i say being a single mum is hard work but can also be fun!!you need to do whats right for the baby AND you x

 

[ninjawomble]

Im not the forgiving type, and would have to say goodbye to him.
You're worth so much more, and there may always be a trust issue thats gonna nag at the back of your mind now.

To do it when you were poorly in hospital is beyond disgusting..and he obviously doesnt give a sh*t about you, just himself..you are right he IS scum

At the end of the day you can listen to our advice, but its ultimatley your descion and as long as you and baby are happy, thats the main thing in all this

 

[chedz]

If you choose to forgive him then you really HAVE to forgive and forget, it's not fair on you or your baby to resent him for it, it will only cause arguments. Although IMO there is no smoke without fire.

I was in your situation at 20 and I kicked him out.... he was blaming me and saying he felt jealous of the attention I was giving our son and I thought if he couldn't even be responsible for his actions then I could never trust him. My hubby now would never even talk to another woman if he thought I would get upset and it makes me realise I did the right thing.

Don't let being a single mum worry you. There is plenty of help out there and I found I coped better alone than being with a bloke I didn't trust. Me and my son are so close and it's because for years it was just us two. He loves his Dad but it's nothing like what we have. I won't pretend all the sleepless nights coping on your own aren't hard but you work through it.

Hope you can make the right decision and I hope is isn't too long before your BFF is back from holiday and give you a shoulder to cry on.

Good luck

H x x

 

[keelie_b]

Thank you all.
I really value all your opinions.
I feel a bit better today iv had time to calm down. Spoke to boyfriend and got his reasons, he realised how much he hurt me and cried for the first time in front of me. I wasnt going to soften to this and stayed strong.
I made it clear he had hurt me.
he realised what he'd done and was extremely appologetic but i told him this does not make it ok.

I didnt want to mke a decision with emotions so high so i left to have some time by myself. I do want to be with him and not just because of the baby but i dont want to be with the wrong person who might be hiding things. i just dont know. i really love him and want to be a family but somethings holding me back.

 

[poochielove]

Thank you all.
I really value all your opinions.
I feel a bit better today iv had time to calm down. Spoke to boyfriend and got his reasons, he realised how much he hurt me and cried for the first time in front of me. I wasnt going to soften to this and stayed strong.
I made it clear he had hurt me.
he realised what he'd done and was extremely appologetic but i told him this does not make it ok.

I didnt want to mke a decision with emotions so high so i left to have some time by myself. I do want to be with him and not just because of the baby but i dont want to be with the wrong person who might be hiding things. i just dont know. i really love him and want to be a family but somethings holding me back.

take as much time as you need...theres another person to think about now. Do whatever feels right x

 

[lea m]

Just take your time hun!! Theres no rush! Just make sure you do what you FEEL is right! Not what might be easier now etc! Always Always trust your instincts!

 

[ninjawomble]

i really love him and want to be a family but somethings holding me back.

Yes when you needed him most to be trustworthy he hasnt been .. sorry hes an ass even with the tears ..bit late now aint it ..he has proven to you he cannot be trusted ... dont be a door mat hun there is a man out there who wouldnt do that to you!!

I completly agree with you Midna on this!

 

[nori]

Glad you are feeling a bit better about things. You just do what is right for you and baby.

I had many people telling me to leave my OH (he didnt cheat but was hiding things about being in contact with his ex) When i look back i really WAS a doormat and would never go back to being that person again. Things now are really good so someone can grow up. I agree the bloke has been a complete arse and you probably deserve so much better but dont feel pressured into making a decison now. Like the others have said take you time... and if you do take him back make him wait for a bit at least! He needs to realise what he almost lost.

I do warn you though the trust thing will be a nightmare. I have gone through hell on that front. I was questioning him all the time and its take a good year or so to break that habit.

Good luck,

Claire x