Problem with using 2nd hand cot?

[Rachey]

Well was up at OH's Mums last night, she was asking about things and then asked what we were doing about a cot. I said I was going to use a moses basket for the first wee while, and OH mentioned that my Mums best friend had a cot which she's only used for one baby and she had said we could have it(I was going to buy new matress/bedding etc). His mum then said "oh no you can't use a 2nd hand cot!" she looked disgusted! She said a few weeks ago she would buy the pram, but said to me "So I take it your Mum will buy the pram?" because she now wants to buy a new cot.

I wouldn't ask my Mum to buy us a pram, and I don't want her to she is doing more than enough as it is. She's doing up my old room for us and buying the wardrobe etc for me, and OH moving back in. She is doing everything she can, and the fact she doesn't want us to pay digs so that we can save our money is a huge help. And she's also offered to look after baby when I go back to work.

I don't mean to sound so ungrateful, but we need a new pram and I like the cot that my Mums friends giving us. I don't see the problem with using it? I think I will just buy the pram myself and tell her I'm using the cot I'm being given.

She also said I've to find out what I'm having? I don't know what I'm doing yet and it's our baby, not hers.

Sorry for the rant, needed that off my chest lol. Am I over reacting? Maybe it's just the hormones haha xxx

 

[flexilexi394]

hello honey, i just want to say i know exactly where youre coming from!! you literally need to just say, "thanks but i really like the one ive been offered so ill just use that" and keep light about it, even if she gets pissed off with you or whatever, YOU are the one having the baby. no one else. and if you dont want to find out the sex or do want to, again thats up to YOU. my in laws are really pushy about names with our little one, truth is we have 2 that we realy like and we havent told anyone! because we would just get pestered all the time by the in laws. its only inlaws that cause the issues isnt it!? my mum is the easiest person ever and would only step in if i asked for her.

about the pushchair, when you are around MIL, you could get a magazine out or something and look at pushchairs and make a point of showing your OH in front of her and maybe she will get the hint?? and buy you one? lol!!

my inlaws bought our pushchair, and we bought our own 2nd hand cot. x

 

[laurenhayward]

No you are not over-reacting at all! We are having a 2nd hand cot, but buying all new bedding and a mattress, absolutely nothing wrong with it.

If she has offered to buy the pram and now back-tracked I would be inclined to tell her we didn't need any help from her at all! At least then she might see that she is being unreasonable.

 

[Rachey]

Thanks both of you, I don't feel so much like I'm going off my head now haha!

flexilexi, I find it soo hard to just say no!! lol.. I am just going to need to say that I am using the cot I'm being given and that is that Keeping your names a secret is the best idea, otherwise you just get family/friends saying "oh i don't like that!" or telling you about someone they hate with that name and it puts you off! Bet the names you have in mind are lovely

I am kind of feeling how you said you would lauren! As if I just want to say I don't need or want anything from them. Kind of feels as if I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face if I do that, but I really feel like it right now haha xxx

 

[Lou_1]

id be stubborn about it and buy my own pram and stick to the cot i like wether it was brand new 2nd hand 3rd hand whatever..... and with finding out the sex dont let her tell you what to do defo stick to whatever you want. Think its hard for some mums/mum in laws to take a step back somtimes but unless you put her in her place now it will go on and on and on. Good luck xx

 

[clairebear22]

We are having a new cot but thats not to say we wouldn't have a 2nd hand one if it was offered! I'm a childminder so this baby will be using one of the travel cots I already have if she/he stays somewhere and will also be using one of the highchairs & bouncer chairs I have! We are using a 2nd hand moses basket thats being given to us by my OH's Cousin.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with 2nd hand bits & bobs as long as they are well looked after, plus it saves a heck of alot of money!

xxx

 

[pinkymum]

No you're defo not over reacting. It's up to you and your OH what you want! Not your MIL. I've read so many similar posts on here. I hate saying no too but you have to, you can just be polite about it and if that person chooses to take offense then it's their problem.
My parents are buying me a cotbed with new mattress and a changer to go on the top, that's one of the only new things I'll have. Got a second hand pram, which I do like but would love to afford a new one or even a different second hand one lol. I've got friends with babies who are giving me heaps of stuff too. but I've had to say no to a few things cos if like to buy somethings myself, I already have two baby baths and was offered another two - are they trying to tell me something hehe.
You do what's best for your own wee family and don't feel guilty about it!
X


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[xshauna_bazx]

I had the very same problem nearly! OHs mam said she would buy our pram and my mam was buying the cot...well everytime OH mensioned it she ignored him!!! My great nana found out and she said stuff her ill buy it! so we nearly have everything and asked her to get the 4d scan instead which is £115 SHE DOESNT KNOW IF SHE WILL...she has alot more money than any of my family! Its really got up my nose! Not exactly the same as your problem but similar...mother in laws can be a pain in the arse! I say get the second hand one but buy your own mattress...we only have a second hand one for round my mams and its nice. Like you said its your baby don't let her interfere too much, my mam has said to me if she interferes too much i have to tell her as she doesn't want to...make sure you do what you want and noone else. Take advice but make your own decisions .

 

[jodied]

I agree with everyone else - your baby your decision. Be firm but polite and tell her that you really like the second hand cot and intend to use that; there's nothing unhygienic if you buy your own mattress and bedding. I've got a second hand cot and intend to do just that. Plus it's for you and OH to decide if you want to know the sex, not her. Again firm but polite is the key and make sure you discuss it with OH when she's not there! x

 

[hopefulmummy]

I cannot believe the cheek of a woman to tell you you "have to" find out the sex of your own child!! The nerve! Maybe she can carry it, push it out and raise it as well? Grrrrr.....that would really get up my nose!

 

[Rachey]

I'm so glad everyone sees where I'm coming from, I started to wonder if I was being silly lol!

Everything just seems so expensive and of course I wasnt to buy a lot of things myself, but a few 2nd hand things can't do any harm I'm going to need to practice being polite but firm haha!

Shauna that's terrible that your MIL started ignoring your OH when he mentioned the pram! Why offer in the first place?! Hope she gets you the scan since your great gran ended up getting the pram xxx

 

[purplehippy]

Your baby. your decisions. She IS being nastily unreasonable here!!!

What a c*nt (sorry but...)

As long as a second hand cot has a new mattress, it's fine - you just also got to check it's still sound.

Was gonna have a new cot bed this time, but have been offered one cot and one cotbed, so we're gonna go with one of those.

Pushchair - that's different. Gonna have a new one from Mothercare that I have chosen, that I can choose the colour of and everything, this time. Because I've had second hand or very cheap flimsy ones before.

She needs to get a grip and take a backseat!

 

[xshauna_bazx]

To be honest Rachey i don't think she will...she said she doesn't know ha so i'm taking it as a no. She said she'd buy the cot death alarm and mat but its only 30 quid so i could buy that myself...not being selfish but its her grandchild she should be doing alot more (she has the money) x

 

[Sam's Mum]

I bought a second hand cot when I was pregnant with Sam and we're using it again for Toby - obviously I bought a new mattress (for both of them because Sam's got his on his toddler bed) and bedding, and made sure it was all clean, but I don't see the problem in using one at all?!

 

[Constantstar]

Hey hun, as much as I'd love everything brand spanking new of course , its not practical!! My ohs aunty is practically giving us everything from a cot, moses basket, etc! The only thing I will do is buy new mattress for both the moses and cot apart from that I know she keeps everything clean and nice almost brand new so its fab

 

[leibiloo87]

This time we are having everything new but its only because we have the money to this time around with our girls we had a second hand cot and mosses basket and a few clothes from friends and family and theres nothing wrong with it at all we got a new matress and bedding but it saved us a fortune. You deffinately need to say something my MIL used to interfere really badly with our first child to the point we had a huge row and I didnt speak to her for a very long time so its best just to put your foot down in the first place and the cheek of her telling you to find out the sex of your own child is discusting what sort of person thinks that is acceptable do what YOU want to do your the one carrying the baby and giving birth to it and bringing it up. x

 

[nadine]

its your baby and you just do what u feel right

the only advice i would say is you can end up spending a fortune on thing that to be honest you dont need to an could spend on other more worth while things, (but it is personal prefrence)

i had my sisters cot which she used for her two babys, not my son has used it and ill pass it on and use it on baby number 2

my moses basket was new for remy (my son) but at the mo my friend is using it with her lil girl and then i will get it bk and use it for baby number 2

way i look at it is in other conterys babys dont even av so much as a box and grow up fine, for the short time a baby uses the things like car seat/cot /moses /basket ect ect the list is endless / do you really need to be spending hundreds an hundreds of pounds when u could put it towards day to day living or in a savings account - n the fact a baby hardly use there stuff most of the second hand stuff is in brilliant condition x x x

 

[Rachey]

Think I am just going to need to tell her that I'm using the 2nd hand one I'm being given and that is that, and if she isn't happy then that's her problem not mine.

That's the way I was looking at it nadine, if I'm offered a cot then why not take it? It saves money that I can put away for other things baby will need in the future xxx

 

[mumofmany]

Nothing wrong with second hand, i got a second hand cot for my last baby and her baby had only slept in it once so i kept the mattress, well nearly slept it once apparently he hated it so always just slept with her, otherwise i would have gota new mattress, only advise i would say is sometimes its cheaper to buy a whole new cot that comes with mattress, rather than buying matress alone, its the same with beds sometimes too, so just check that out first. but i would still tell her my mum has bought loads and i love the cot so i am having that one. I am lucky my mum is buying the pram again, she always buys me a new pram she gets so excited i told her she didn;t need to with them all but she said she likes to do that as her present to the baby so i dont stand in her way. MIL likes to buy things too but she tends to buy them for her house for when the baby goes there, she got a moses basket with my last and he must have only slept in it once though.