Petrified of the pushing stage :( FOA 2nd time + mums! :(

[Tasha20]

I just can't stop thinking about it, I honestly felt my pushing stage was the worst part of labour, and she was only 6lb 7/8 !

I had a ventouse delivery, so my bits didn't have time to stretch, I had an episiotomy and also ended up with second degree labial tearing, my bits were in a right mess and I couldn't sit for god knows how long.

The head crowning was one of the most painful things I have ever felt in my life I would have done labour 50x over to not have to feel that again.

I can't believe how much it is effecting me! I am so anxious about it, the labour doesn't phase me at all, yes it is very painful but to me was nothing compared to that pushing stage.

I really want to go for a homebirth, especialy water. And after reading about the fact that because of the ventouse my canal didn't have enough time to stretch and if it does then the nerve endings go numb as the head crowns and isn't half as bad.

Has anyone experienced what I have and then on the second labour got better?

I want honesty please


Im going out my mind with worry, its just stupid, I want nothing more than to enjoy my labour this time

 

[JulesK81]

I'm with you on this one and would also be interested to hear about any second times that were better than the first! My first ended up in theatre with emergency forceps delivery with spinal block, so I didn't feel the episiomoty/pulling/pushing, but boy I felt it afterwards. So because I have never felt a baby coming out, I am petrified of what it will feel like, especially as my bits aren't what they used to be!

So I have no advice but just wanted to say I know exactly how you are feeling - I too would go through labour a million times over not to have to do the pushing part! Just try to remember we get another bundle of joy and rgardless of what happens, we'll get through it, just like we did before.

Good luck with it all x

 

[Lindsay]

Hi hun

I totally empathise with you as I was exactly the same - I was petrified of pushing second time round cos I knew what was coming!! I remember the midwife said that she would leave me to have a little walk around the room and come back in 10 mins, when she came back I was still lying on the bed and told her that I didn't want to get up cos I knew that it would make the pushing stage come quicker BUT it wasn't that bad, yep it still hurt and felt exactly the same as it had the last time but I knew that it wasn't going to be long before I was going to meet my LO and that got me through.

When I had my son, I tore really badly and had to be stitched up, but with my daughter second time round there was no tear, so no stitches. I hope you are as lucky too.

Will listen out for your birth story to see how you get on

Xxx

 

[Meggiewoo]

I've only had the one but if it's any consolation I tore pretty badly and didn't feel a thing. I had no assistance and only gas and air. Babys head must have numbed it up .

I thought I was going to die beforehand though - I was pushing without contractions and only had a 5 minute second stage.

Kim x x x x

 

[Sherlock]

Not able to comment on things but a few suggestions for this time if you've not tried them before.

Raspberry leaf tablets (forget the tea as tablets are stronger) from about 33 weeks, to be taking 6 tablets a day by about 36/37 weeks. This aids second stage pushing.

I took it and my second stage with first baby was 34 minutes Plus I really felt fine pushing even though it was quick. I did have a second degree tear but it was clean and stiched well. Plus my son was 9lb 15ozs so a fair size to push out. I didn't feel his head crowning really and stood between contractions and the squatted down to push.

Also I did perineal massage for 6 weeks before LO was due. I think this helped also.

Homebirth will be more relaxing than hospital I am sure. My experience of having had a successful homebirth, I was really calm and focused throughout and relaxed by being at home.

 

[Melly+2]

If im honest i dont really remember it being that painful, i had a short pushing phase, 20mins and i think the thought of getting Hope out sort of got me through and made me not realise the pain so much and at 9lb 8 surly thats a good thing, i didnt tear or anything

 

[jennifer1981]

I hated the pushing bit but i can give you a good piece of advice which my midwife did for me? As the head crowned she threw a FREEZING cold bowl of water over my bits and it made me numb for a bit which really did wonders

 

[lea m]

Defintely definitely definitely drink some raspberry leaf tea!! Hun I swear its like a miracle worker!!
I hated the pushing part! That was also my worst part of labour by far! It was actually worse with my second son (I wouldnt think thats normal though hun, Im very slow at dilating and then they all got stuck! Dillon was the worst) I was so so so scared when i got pregnant with both Lucy and Lola as all I could remember was pushing Dillon out! I couldnt bear it and both times nearly begged for a section just so I didnt have to do it! (irrational I know but it was a very real fear)
With my first I had an episiotomy and a 2cd degree tear, with Lola-Mae I didnt even need a stitch! (and before you say its my bucket lol after 3 kids before I tore and needed about 14 stitches with Lucy my 3rd) and it was the raspberry leaf tea Im sure!
With my first 3 I was pushing for at least 1.5 hours with them all! Longer with Dill, and with lola?? 15 minutes from when she began to desend!! How big an improvement is that?? RLT again!

I drank the tea and started late (37 weeks and she was born at 39) and thats the difference it made! And I did actually read that the tea is better than the pills! It just depends whether you like it or not! lol I Loved it! I gave me BH contractions which I didnt have with my other children also and I think that helped tons too!

I think Im going to go selling RLT lol I cant recommend it enough! I wish I had knew about it before!


Oh heres a link http://www.expectancy.co.uk/docs/advicesheet04.pdf

 

[Julie84]

I hated the pushing bit but i can give you a good piece of advice which my midwife did for me? As the head crowned she threw a FREEZING cold bowl of water over my bits and it made me numb for a bit which really did wonders

Surely that can't be good for baby though?

 

[reallyoldmum]

My word of warning is dont be tempted to try pushing too soon - with my son I convinced myself I could push him out before I was ready too and with him being my second they sort of left me to it - pushed for over an hour when if I was honest it was only the last 20 minutes or so I had the "urge" to do so.... it just left me very tired in the end......

Tasha every labour is different so try not to stress yourself too much honey

Jane x

 

[trixipaws]

not 2nd time mum (yet! ) but i was the opposite- i found labour extremely painful and altho crowning was very sting-y and burn-y, i thought it was less painful than those last few contractions (and i wasnt on any drugs)

i think i had what u describe tho, enough time to stretch and nerve endings go numb lol. i had also been doing perineal massage which i think helped. oh and i laboured in pool i only got out to push really, so the water probably softened me up and got me all stretchy.

because i had a home birth i was not "rushed" i had all the time i wanted (altho boyf said it was less than an hour) and i had full attention of 2 MW's 100% of the time to tell me when to push etc.

i escaped quite unscathed really i only needed 2 stitches which had disappeared and healed within one week. and millie had a 35cm head circ!
good luck babe, i'm sure u will b fine. xx


edit to add: i was another raspberry-leaf pill-popper, which i believe helped too

 

[Rachel]

The pushing and the head crowning the first time was awful and hurt so much and seemed to last forever

The second time it hurt but not half as much as the first time and I didn't feel that stinging/burning feeling when he was crowning like I did with Nathan.

Also the second time was alot quicker and so much easier. I didn't get the same as the first time either where I had to push then baby would slide back abit (sorry TMI) this time he just came out. I read on my notes I was only pushing for about 3 mins whereas with Nathan I think it was around 30 mins.

 

[aramintalovegrove]

i actually didnt mind the pushing first time round as it was a relief to have a different pain, this time though I got myself in a tizzy about tearing or needing to be cut and it really got to me however when it came to it again it was nice to be able to do something to help and get it over with, which was my main goal with the 2nd labour

*** graphic bit girls****
I didnt tear with my first but DD was twice as big as her brother so I had convinced myself it may happen during my second labour I remember clearly the feeling that I was streaching too much and her head pushing down which really scared me but I really listenend to instruction, which really is the key to it, when MW said stop I did and when she told me to push (even when I had no energy to open my eyes) I pushed.
*****graphic bit over*****

I could hear the MW outside my room talking to my community MW after and she commented on the fact I had the best 2nd stage she had seen as I had listened and followed instruction, she even commented that if more women did that she would save hours stiching

 

[Tasha20]

Thank you all so much for your replies!!!

After reading you replies I do feel a whole lot better!

I have looked more into it myself and have found the women who tore more and experienced a similar thing to me was because

a) I didn't let my body do the pushing (even though they did start on thier own), I was told to force them (being told to push)
B) I had someone pulling Olivia down quickly
C) And the midwife never told me to pant or anything just said PUSH!

Looking back it was all a big drama and I know for a fact could of been avoided, they did the head test and it came back normal, I think the fact I had my labour aswell as that vile syntocin drip at the same time I just wanted her out and just went with what they said (will not happen again! )

My poor mini moo didn't have a hope in hell if I had all that manual stuff going on, the force alone of the doc pulling her down I think didn't give me chance to stretch properly.

I am really hoping I will be able to succesfully homebirth this time, I know that going with my body is what should be happening (thats what its meant to do ) and I feel I would be more likely to go with that at home.

Thank you again so much everyone for your experiences and encouragment, I feel much more positive about it

I did try the raspberry tea and hardley had any, it was vile so will go with the tabs this time.
And will try perenial massage too.

 

[KJ]

Hi Tasha,

I was exactly the same as you. I am petrified of the pushing stage, I found it absolutely traumatic. The dilating part was fine... painful, but I could cope with it. But pushing was a different matter altogether.

I had the drip aswell and the midwives were forcing me to push and telling me to hold my breath and everything. I was pushing for over 2 hours and ended up with an episiotomy and forceps. Could hardly sit up for at least a week, let alone walk.

I'm determined this will not happen again. If I get pregnant again I'm going to book myself onto a Lamaze active birth course. My auntie is a midwife and really recommends them to prepare you for what your body does during labour. And how to cope with it actively and naturally.

I would be really interested to hear how you birth goes this time round, as I'm hoping that things can't be that bad twice.

By the way, I did drink raspberry leaf tea from the recommended time. It didn't help me at all. I think induced labours are generally worse for pushing than natural ones.

K.xx

 

[Natural mamma]

All i can say is that every labor and delivery is different...and i'm sure you'll be fine...listen to your body....
I think the fact you have talked openly about your fear is as good as facing it and defeating it.

 

[hennaly]

i can sympathize hun, it scares the pants off me too but im still thinking about having number 8

 

[Chrissy1]

I'm not on my 2nd yet but I just wanted to say that I got through the pushing stage by just thinking that at least now I knew it was going to be over soon!!!!

I had a homebirth so I love my whole labour and birth experience and even though pushing and crowning was the most painful bit it was my favourite because I knew then I was close to the end.

My birth was in water which I'm convinced helped me out and from 36 weeks I was taking raspberry leaf tea tablets. I had a two day latent phase followed by an 11 hour official labour in which I didn't sleep a wink and couldn't eat because I kept being sick. By the time actual pushing came I never really flet an urge I just let my body do what was right for it. Because I was in the pool I wasn't internally examined very much so I no idea how far dialated i was etc so pushing was a great relief.

Try to look at it positively in that at least your near the end of it all

 

[sueken]

Hope this helps with my last baby the 4th i gave birth standing up,this helped a graet deal i only used G&A and the birth was really quick 20mins from start to finish ie.3cm-10cm and delivery,gravity is the way forward

 

[*pud01*]

not going to be much help here really but hey ho

my pushing stage was 9 mins, also my m/w put a cotton wool pad soaked with freezing cold water on me when lyla was crowning. Lyla was 9lb 2oz so i dont think the weight effects it really.