Our partners!

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by Blueflower, Apr 25, 2016.

  1. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    I thought I would start a thread about our other halves as we do mention them a bit and it might be interesting to see what they are like!

    My husband is a few years younger than me, he hadn't had many long term relationships before me so wanted to enjoy being a couple before settling down.

    Good points: caring, hard working, supportive and funny.
    Bad points: can be sulky, doesn't like dwelling on TTC, sarcastic.

    He finds it difficult to get time off work for appointments which makes things awkward.

    He is happy to dtd for TTC or just for fun!

    He does want a family but would probably be ok if we didn't, I don't think he's unusual in that. He is great with kids and would make a fantastic dad.
     
  2. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    Ohh fun :)

    My oh is desperate for children, he really wants another generation that he can hand the family business down to. He will be gutted if we can't have children and neither of us are very keen on adoption so we will have to cross that bridge if we come to it.

    He is very hard working, last year he had 14 days off work (that is in total, out of 365 as he works weekends). I don't mind and we do spend lots of time together as we work together and can squeeze an hour off here and there for appointments etc. My fil is an alcoholic and my oh finds it very difficult to deal with, he finds that harder to come to terms with at the moment than our ttc issues as he is confident we will be successful in the end. I wish I was as positive about it.

    Things that slightly annoy me about him are he is very untidy and it has taken me years to train him not to leave dirty plates on the floor! I still found one under the sofa last week.

    I would have loved to have met him sooner but life doesn't always work out how you would like it to does it.
     
  3. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    So true!
    That must be a pressure to conceive then but good that he is optimistic!
    My DH has never had a day off sick since I've known him so no wonder he hates asking for time off for appointments!
     
  4. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    My DH is 7 years older than me. We are different in lots of ways but are both desperate to have children. He is great with children and would be a brilliant dad. I think together we weren't meant to have children... I can't have them naturally and he can't adopt!

    Good points: He can be really sweet, funny, kind and caring. He always thinks of others before himself (not necessarily when it comes to me though).

    His brother died suddenly aged 34 five years ago and that changed our world. It affected him hugely and I still don't think he realises quite how much. He has 6 brothers, no sisters.

    Since his brother died, he is now very short-tempered. He is also very stubborn but always has been!
     
  5. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    I like this thread, quite interesting to hear a bit more about the men/women in our lives!

    My husband is a year younger than me and works constant nights at a hotel. It is difficult given that we have only been married 2 years (next month) so hardly get a lot of time together but we make the best of what we have. We both want a baby, I used to think that he was more or less 'going along with it' for me but when we thought I was pregnant just before that awful awful episode of bleeding I had a couple of weeks ago, it became obvious just how thrilled he was at the idea of becoming a dad. It was so special to see his excitement, he was making up songs he was so happy about it so I can happily say it really is a 50/50 desire for a baby. We talked about babies from the very start and he said he wanted them but I was never certain that he wasnt just saying that because he wanted to be with me. Now I can see from what he says and does that its his dream too, he looks at baby things and points them out to me and its so cute when he sees babies on tv he shows me them

    Good points: he adores me to the point he tells me he loves me numerous times a day- even if he is only leaving the room. Sometimes he comes home with a little gift for me (we are not well off so its always something little he bought from work like a bag of crisps a serving of nutella just because he knows I like it). He is very affectionate, loves a kiss & a cuddle and he blows me kisses when he leaves the room bless him. He is gentlemanly; he will hold a door open for me and even asked my dad if he could marry me before he bought my engagement ring and because my dad is old school he liked that. He cares about what I would like or what would upset me and thinks of me in decisions he makes which is really important for me as I have not had that before. Ok I best stop now since I have written a novel about him!

    Bad points: Is quite lazy (has to be pushed to do a lot of simple things like pick up what hes just dropped, cut the grass, empty the bins etc) He drives me crazy by not listening to me, can be difficult getting his full attention. He has a tendency to leave lights on and leave taps running he is wasting electricity and water when its just unnecessary- ties in with laziness I suppose. Lastly he has no concept of cleaning a bathroom, the bath is a mess and we just wont mention the toilet (I use the en suite exclusively so the main bathroom is 'his' toilet).

    Apart from that he is great, when I think of how my ex treated me, I am lucky to have someone like this really. I love the fact I thought there would be far more negatives for me to say and in reality there are not as many as I expected.
     
    #5 Sparklegirl, Apr 25, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
  6. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Awww he sounds soooo lovely xx
     
  7. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Interesting what you say about exes Sparklegirl, I would probably have at least 2 children if I had stayed with mine but he was far too controlling and would abandon me at parties to strut around! My DH is laid back and fairly quiet so he never leaves me on my own.

    It's very much me that initiates anything to do with having kids though, he would never look at baby stuff unless we were expecting and rolls his eyes if I admire a baby! I've had some 'yellow booties' from a lady on here for 2 years and keep them well hidden inside my pillow case! Nice that yours points baby things out! Funny about the bathroom!
     
    #7 Blueflower, Apr 25, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
  8. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    Oh god I have a heap of useless exs. I clearly have appalling judgement. Most were pretty short lived as I noticed they were idiots but one lingered on for years and was just awful. He very definitely fits into the what was I thinking category. I just cant understand why I didn't see that he was a controlling idiot. My oh is nothing like him at all thankfully.

    Haha about the toilet, I know what you mean my oh seems to manage to pee on the floor by the toilet every single night! Why he can't turn the light on and stand closer I really don't know.

    Blueflower I also have had my yellow booties a couple of years, my oh doesn't know about those as he would think it was ridiculous but he does point out some baby things when he sees something he likes. We also spend ages discussing names, normally names we don't like.
     
  9. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    I loved my ex with my heart and soul but I now believe him to be a cheater as well as emotionally abusive, controlling, cruel, belittling- you name it he was it. Literally the only thing he had going for him was how good he was in bed that is all. Everything else he was appalling towards me but he was my first, I have only slept with him and my husband I do so wish I had got out before wasting almost 6 years of my life on him when it was not reciprocated. He promised me the sun moon and stars and failed to deliver any of it. He was so obsessed with fear that he might get me pregnant we used condoms while I was on the pill AND he checked my pill packet every day in case I was lying and would somehow 'trap' him with a baby.

    My husband is very quiet and when hes not at work hes at home with me, thankfully we are both home birds just how I like it. We will potter round shops together and look at baby things saying awwww how cute we will have to get that! I forgot myself a couple of weeks ago when I was with my dad and said exactly what I would have said if my husband had been with me, dad didnt know we are trying so he looked a bit shocked! I do like how much more interested he has become about all things baby related- even the advert for Asda selling bottles/sterilizers cheap he showed me bless him
     
  10. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    He is, I probably give him a bit of a hard time but he is lovely, sometimes I want to shout at him for his silliness! xx
     
  11. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    I was with my mum at the weekend and avoided the baby stalls like the plague, she might get suspicious or too hopeful! (She wanted to look for her grandchildren but I find it painful after all this time.) I do coo over them with DH but he just ignores me!
     
  12. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    We both look at them and say they're cute... but I try not to think of the stuff for my own baby! It might not happen! I think this loss has really hurt him and he's in a bit of a denial stage at the moment.

    I've mostly been in long term relationships in the past. I lived with one guy who absolutely adored me but I was very young at the time and wasn't ready for all that. I really hurt him :-( I do wonder if this is karma!
     
  13. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Maybe this has brought back his feelings of loss and magnified them to such an extent he can't see how you feel.
    Its not Karma, not your fault but I know what you mean, my very good friend fell out with me straight after my wedding and I sometimes think she put a curse on me like a wicked witch in a fairytale! "You will be childless for 10 years then have a beautiful daughter but she will be under a spell" etc etc!
     
    #13 Blueflower, Apr 25, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
  14. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Hahaha! I know a nasty girl (ex-friend, but I could always see the true her) who is very capable of casting a witch-like spell too!
     
  15. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    My DH hasn't mentioned our embryos since Thursday. :(
     
  16. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    Maybe he is trying not to get his hopes up? How are you feeling Blueflower?
     
  17. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Probably! Partly I am expecting the usual story, 1 line, go back to work gutted, try to decide what to do next, but on the other hand I think that it really could happen this time, the odds are so much better and we are due some good luck after all this time! Don't really have any symptoms....
     
  18. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    You are definitely due some good luck and I believe your OH was trying not to get his hopes up. Mine was like that too but when AF didn't come and I got a positive test, he started to feel optimistic. It hurt him so so much when it didn't work. :-( And a lot of men don't feel they can cry and talk like women can xx
     
  19. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    No I bet they don't even discuss it with their best friends. :friends:
     

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