Opinions on OH going on a stag do!

[lisa1985]

Hey everyone, wasn't too sure where to post this, but sure you can advise.

My OH has been invited to a stag do in AMSTERDAM! next Feb for 3 nights, baby will be approx 2-3 months old and is our first baby. So I have no idea what to expect and how I will be feeling at that stage.

He obviously really wants to go but has asked how I feel about it. In all honesty I am not too sure I feel, part of me doesn't want to stop him as his all his close friends are going and I am sure he would be gutted if he didn't go, but part of me is like WTF how will I cope, will he get drunk and be stupid, will he be sex deprived lol!! and do I really want to spend the whole weekend with out him when baby is so young.

Help!! xx

 

[Gillyboos]

Personally by 2-3 months, I don't think I would've been bothered by hubby going away. I know being a FTM mum seems daunting now but you'll be a pro by then! Perhaps someone could come and stay with you, a family member maybe if you were concerned about being alone.
My hubby works away/on call so I maybe have a different view to others as I've been sort of forced in to time alone with baby. x

 

[flisstebbs]

I feel like such an old fart for saying this, but I bloody hate these long stag/hen weekend jobs. What used to be a fun night out has to now turn into these monsters. It puts people in such difficult positions when they have families and commitments, involves spending lots of money and even taking time off work!

I guess the compromise is going for a bit of it but not the whole 3 days? 2-3 months into having the baby you won't know yourself and probably be fine alone, but as it would be a planned thing, no harm in getting some help in place like parents etc?

Few years ago, hubby was invited to one of these 3 day do's by a good friend. It was over my birthday and I'd just had a 3rd mc when it was being organised. Hubby asked me so I said honestly that I would find it gutting if he went. He didn't go, and we are all the better for it as a couple, but the friends turned really nasty on me, accusing me of being a total ball buster. It was a really horrible time for me, and until my hubby realised what was happening and put them straight (ie it was his decision not mine!), they behaved appallingly. Things still are not the same, but it does become much less important as your family comes along and becomes the priority. For my part, I was glad I was honest with hubby and didn't do the "brave face" and say it was ok/encourage him to go then have been bitter about it.

 

[WishingHoping]

I think if you are worried he will cheat then you need to discuss your trust in him..

He loves you & is having a baby with you & is going on a stag do it doesn't mean he will be cheat even if he is sex deprived. xx

 

[katherine6476]

Personally it wouldn't have bothered me. You'll find that once his paternity leave is over after a couple of weeks, you get into your own little routine. Like others have said, get someone to stay over with you if you feel you need support, but you can decide that nearer the time.

 

[xjdx]

I'd let my husband go. You both need to lead normal lives to. When he back he owes you a few days off to xx

 

[Laurajcole]

I wouldn't mind. Like the others have said by 2-3 months you will be in a routine. My hubby regularly works away and our baby was 5 weeks old the first time he went away for 3 days and 3 nights. And I was totally fine. Tired. But fine.

I don't know what you mean about being sex deprived though?

 

[Baby2sky]

I wouldn't have a problem. Im going to New York for 4 days and will be leaving hubby with an almost 3 year old and a 2 month old

 

[Holi]

You will be fine! My hubby went on a weekend away when lo was 3/4month old and honestly he wouldn't stop ringing he missed us both so much! And with regards to it being 'Amsterdam' - I believe if a man is going to cheat, he will cheat - doesn't matter if he's in Amsterdam or out at the local! - if he's any sort of a man he won't dream of cheating on you, sex deprived or not!

Get lots of nice things planned (visit family, meet up with friends, have some early duvet nights!) and the time will fly by! Xx

 

[fabemmy]

Ive had a similar problem myself. My husband is wanting to go with his friend aboard for around 2 weeks when our baby will be a few months old as he wont get chance to go again. I told him its fine as long as he keeps in contact. I dont think it would really bother me. He is willing to not go but then I just felt awful if I stop him.

best thing to do is talk about it together, that helped me and my hubby.

 

[Hutchy]

I wouldn't mind at all - even if he wanted to go next year when our twins will be 2-3 months old. Dads need a break too and I would ask my sister or a friend to come and stay for 1/2 nights for some company/back up with the kids lol xx

 

[lisa1985]

Thanks everyone. I think my main issue is when this group get together they all smoke weed and a few of them think it is acceptable to cheat on their long term partners. I do trust him, however i was cheated on a lot by my ex so not sure i will ever trust 100% and i think because i may be feeling fat and minging and they may end up in strip clubs etc. Silly i know, but cant help how i feel. I.know dads need breaks too but i wont be getting a break he only bought it up yesterday so we will have a good chat about it soon and glad i now have the opinions of others in same position. Thank you all xxx

 

[Holi]

Thanks everyone. I think my main issue is when this group get together they all smoke weed and a few of them think it is acceptable to cheat on their long term partners. I do trust him, however i was cheated on a lot by my ex so not sure i will ever trust 100% and i think because i may be feeling fat and minging and they may end up in strip clubs etc. Silly i know, but cant help how i feel. I.know dads need breaks too but i wont be getting a break he only bought it up yesterday so we will have a good chat about it soon and glad i now have the opinions of others in same position. Thank you all xxx

My some of my oh friends have been known to cheat and it really does put doubt in your head even though your oh has done nothing to give you doubt!

When you have your first child together, you look at your partner in a totally different light, you love them so much more! Seeing them love your child and the child love them back just makes your heart want to burst! I honestly think you both become so much more devoted to your family because there is so much more to loose!! Not just a relationship but a family

Well that's how I've found with my oh! Xx

 

[MummyBee]

Id also be totally fine with him im going to end up parroting everyone else but by then honestly youll be grand and more than likely be in a routine. His group of friends sound exactly like my partners group of friends. Many of them have long term partners and kid/s i find it disgusting the way they get on but i totally trust my partner. He tells me everything last holiday they went to a strip club and my partner went back to the hotel - it didnt appeal to him at all and knew i would go nuts. Lol
I understand at this moment in time it sounds terrifying the thought of him leaving but trust me. Youll be grand xx

 

[Pin badge]

I'd tell my hubby to go too, he travels for work at least once a week ranging from overnight to a week at a time...I actually quite like the peace hehe! In terms of looking after LO you'll have a little routine by then and be great.

In terms of the other bits that are bothering you I'd say to just lay some ground rules before he goes! Xx

 

[MrsS143]

Id say no purely on the not trusting the friends part
Not that i dont trust hubby or anything
But a few drinks plus them influencing/convincing him ... Hes not gonna want to go awaynto Amsterdam to spend it in the room himself cos he doesnt strictly agree with what they want. He will go along cos theyre his feiends
If you dont trust the company youll spend the whole time worrying

Thankfully my hubby only spends time with people thats trustworthy and reliable and sensible
I trust him fully
But ive had in the past that my suspicions run wild with not trusting exes friends at all

That being said... Id happily have him go away at that stage in early motherhood. Especially as its only a few days.
If you can afford it and its not eating much into important annual leave or whatever then its more or less a goer x

 

[Nicnax]

My hubby went off in a golf weekend when my first was 3 months old. He confessed he didn't really want to, and missed her like crazy. Also, slightly different, but he had a short hospital stay when she was 6 weeks old, and I was petrified. But I coped better than I could have ever hoped, and felt like a legend! You'll surprise yourself, at how well you can manage by then. Plus, he will owe you big time!

I'd say the other concerns are a separate issue, but as someone else said, if he's going to cheat, it wouldn't matter if he was in Amsterdam or at home. Plus, if he's told you what his mates get up to while away, then I'd say he's unlikely to do it himself. Xxx

 

[Clementine]

We don't have any children yet but I'm with Fliss on this one, I just don't get the 3 day stags to Amsterdam - they're not going to site see, whoever is organizing it has other things in mind - I totally trust my husband but in reality so do the wives of the guys who cheat as they don't know they're being cheated on. I would just be honest with your hubby & let him know how you feel, when my DH goes away with his friends he texts and rings me everyday and he always calls last thing at night even if I'm asleep. do what you feel is right, I think it's good that he has asked would you mind if he goes.

 

[MrsMeaney]

You'll probably be kicking him out of the door at that point haha. Blake and I always had a really good rhythm and my husband seemed to just disrupt things when he was home lol. Maybe I'm too harsh, but I used to love it when it was just me and my Bear

 

[MrsMeaney]

Also, he'll be too bloody tired to be led astray