*OMG update!!* lost my friends

[JoAnn&Aimee]

I am so angry I can't even see straight right now! The other night I was speaking to one of my 'friends' N on MSN. She has been a right cow to me for 6 years and like a chump I've always taken her back. Anyway she has gotten herself right in with my other friends especially A. So the other night I just asked her how A was doing as she always sees her and she told me to 'back off, stop being so mean and nasty to A and stop being such a selfish c**t!'. I was shocked by this as I haven't seen or spoken to A for 6 weeks! She then started ranting about how my brother was scum and (cherry on the cake) how he deserves to die a slow horrible painful death. I ended up in floods of tears with Ewan basically turning my PC off and taking me to bed where I just cried for the rest of the night. Today I log into bebo to see that N has deleted me. I am not hurt by that as to be perfectly honest I couldn't give a rats ass about her but her verbal attack on me was so sudden given that all I asked was 'how is A doing?' One simple question and I got hurled that abuse from her. What is getting to me so much is that I have no done anything wrong. A's issues are with my brother not me. I asked her 6 months ago that if me being related to him was going to be a problem to tell me now but she just hugged me and said that she doesn't want to lose me as a friend yet she is ignoring me. Also I went to midwife appointments with her and sat outside. I was heavily pregnant having all sorts of troubles yet I still went with her. I believe that she isn't doing this on purpose, she has a lot on her mind right now but for N to say that to me was out of line.
Sorry for ranting again but I needed to get this out again before I exploded with anger.

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It would seem that I have definately lost a large chunk of my friends now. I've been worrying about it since I was 7 months pregnant which was nearly 6 months ago.

I met A through my brother. He started dating her about 3 years ago. We became quite good friends except they had an on/off relationship. She has a daughter from a previous relationship in which her partner beat her up on a regular basis. She left him after 4 years when their daughter was about 6 months old and started dating my brother a few months after that. Despite their on again/off again status A and I got along very well. During their 3 years together she was pregnant twice and sadly miss-miscarried with both.

When I was 5 months pregnant she told me she was pregnant again. With the previous pregnancies she miscarried at 9 weeks gestation and told me she was expecting the same to happen, it didn't but when she was 12 weeks my brother left her after another blazzing argument. Now before you all leap to her defence, I want you to know she has often ordered him to leave HER flat more times than I can count despite him paying the rent. Technically it is her flat but he never felt at home and always had his clothes in a suitcase under the bed for when she flaked out at him.

I attended an Ann Summers party and I felt A was being distant with me and whenever I talked to her she would nod like she was listening and then walk away when I was done. I was 7 months at this point and everyone was going clubbing afterwards. I was too tired to go and decided to go home. As I was waiting for Ewan to come pick me up everyone went into the kitchen and left me in the living room myself. When I walked in, they all went quiet and went back to the living room, leaving me in the kitchen.

It was at this point I started feeling ignored by everyone. I also started finding out that they were all meeting up for coffee's and having picnics. When I asked why no one had asked me they replied with the good old excuse of 'we thought you wouldn't be up for it being pregnant!' When I replied that A was pregnant too and she wasn't being left out, the reply was 'she isn't as far on as you though!!'

The day before my due date I was out visiting my friend K who had recently a baby boy. Afterwards I decided to visit A as I knew she would be home as my brother was helping her paint the babys room that day so I knew I would see her. She acted all nice to me and treated me like I had seen her the day before which pissed me off a bit yet I bit my tongue. I stayed for a cuppa tea and left about 45 minutes later as I knew she and my brother were going to be busy painting.

Anyway to cut a very long story short (as it is starting to trail on now!! sorry!) she has been on/off with me. If I bump into her in the street, she is all nice to me and says she'll call or text yet I don't hear from her again until I bump into her. So today Ewan saw her in Asda and she immediately started bashing my brother to him and said 'I don't want anything to do with him or his family!' Which basically means she doesn't want anything to do with me and it seems to me that whatever A does everyone will follow. What is strange is as she was leaving Ewan she said that we've to pop down anytime to see her. How can I after she told Ewan she doesn't want anything to do with my family?! Surely that includes me too!!

What makes it worse is I have a 'friend' who has latched onto my other friends including A and whenever I speak to her all I hear is 'oh we ALL went out last weekend and got hammered!!'. It is as if she is trying to rub it in that I am being left out. Also A is getting drunk as well on these nights out. Her due date is in 3 weeks and I am worried that the baby will have FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) as she drinks much more than the reccomended amount of a non-pregnant woman!

Ewan has told me not to get upset over the fact that I have practically lost all my friends but it is hard not to. I am hurt by it all. I needed a friend during my pregnancy and no one was there for me. What if I am at Asda in a couple of years time with Aimee and I see A with the baby. I don't want Aimee walking past her cousin without even knowing it!

I am sorry for the major long post but I needed to get it out. Sorry for the 'A', don't want to say her name incase she finds out about this post somehow. It is unlikely as no one I know knows about these forums.

 

[mamichuli]

Oh hun, dunno what to say, just wanted to give you these

Lisa

 

[Urchin]

Sounds like she's blanking you with the "his family" comment.
Ditch her, she's not worth it.

Get yourself along to some baby groups and you'll make some new, better friends who understand you more, you have a child and need different things from friends now anyway

 

[LisaJ1986]

Once you have a baby you are a nobody! It seems like a secret rule that no one tells you til it's too late!
I'm in a similar boat. My "Best Mate" stopped seeing me while i was pregnant. She stopped texting me the day Angel was born. I know she's been inviting others out and round her house for BBQ's etc and i only hear about it on Facebook and how much of a fab time people have had!
Then, lat week i got a text saying i've been slagging her off and i don't text her and i never invited her round! Yet i had told her to come round anytime. The last text was "I take it your too busy to talk" so i pulled her up on that. My OH was out one night and she was there and he told her to come round anytime and she told me he slagged her off and told her she shouldn't be out. So i mentioned that he told her to come round anytime and the best she could say was "When Shaun invited me round i didn't think i was invited!!!!!" I mean, that's a whole load of bollocks!

You need real friends! I am lacking at the mo. But i'm sure i'll get out there soon when we've sorted our other circumstances out.
Drop the pathetic idiots that come up with lame excuses. I'd go to mother and baby groups. I will be soon!

 

[JulesK81]

Hi hun - they obviously aren't real friends, so I would say ditch them, move on and find some more! OK, not that simple in 'real' life, BUT you cannot continue to feel upset and hurt by these people cos they are not worth your feelings. If they were genuine, they wouldn't leave you out, they certainly wouldn't boast about their get togethers and they wouldn't say one thing, yet do another.

I don't have that many people I can call 'real' friends, but the ones I do are the total oppoite of everything you said of A and her clan. They invite me to things, even if I can't make it, they make an effort to see me and my family and they buy things for bubba and treat her as a member of their own family.

I know it isn't easy to meet new people, esp coping with a new baby and all the feelings that come with it, but honestly, they are so not worth you! If you are up to it, maybe join a new mums group, coffee mornings, chat to people at weigh in clinic, take Aimee swimming... anything that gets you out and about and interacting with others. It'll do you no end of good. And I know how hard this is as I used to hate social things, but they aren't that bad once you get into the swing of things. One day I might actually 'enjoy' it!

Sorry if I sound like I am going on like I know it all - lol, far from it!! But I know how it feels to be left out and ignored and know that those people aren't worth knowing. Full stop!

You've got a great bloke and a gorgeous little girl - look at life like that and it's brilliant. Outside of my house, there's some rubbish going on, but do you know what, I am soooooooooo lucky - I have a fab hubby and just the bestest little girl in the whole world. Who needs shitty so-called friends when you have that?

x

 

[nori]

My advice is to leave them all to it and make some new friends as they really arent worth it!

I lost a large group of friends all because i couldnt afford to go on the "girl that everyone seemed to love"'s hen weekend. This was after i had got de-bridesmaid as we werent even close anymore (which i was fine with). Most of our so called mutual friends followed her as they used to do whatever she said and when she said it.. it was easier for them.

I wont go into the ins and outs but now i am an outsider looking in i am sooo glad i am out of that messed up situation. I have a good group of friends and will be making an effort to make some more once the baby is here by going to mother and toddler groups etc..

If A is drinking like she is whilst preggers then i wouldnt have any time for her anyway.

Stuff 'em all!

Claire x

 

[JoAnn&Aimee]

Thanks for all the replies and sorry for such a long post! I actually didn't realise I had babbled on so much!

At my age it is difficult to make new friends especially with having a baby. Amazingly I actually met a lovely woman when I was in the hospital with Aimee. We were talking and realised that we live 5 minutes from each other. She gave me her mobile number before she left and a list of mother & toddler groups she goes to. I have started going to them just once a week to begin with and I actually enjoy it even though Aimee sleeps through it all. She also invited me to a halloween party she was having on Sunday and it was lovely to get out the flat and meet some more mummys.

If it wasn't for the fact that A is having my neice I would have ditched them a long time ago due to their treatment of me in the last 4 months of my pregnancy. It would have been hard to do but I would have done it. I don't want Aimee growing up not knowing who her family is! I told Ewan last night that if I were to see A with the baby in a few years I would have to let Aimee know that is her cousin. I wouldn't be able to walk past and not tell her. A can't get away from the fact that even though she wants nothing to do with my brother or my parents (she never mentions me when she rants, just them) her child will be related to us all.

 

[nori]

Glad to hear you have met someone at the hospital..i think having a baby is the ideal time to meet new friends. Ive not had mine yet but NCT do a lot of mother and child groups and Netmums is also an option. It sounds like you are willing to get out there and meet people which is great.

You are right, you will have a connection with A now cos of the babies. I would say be civil but dont go out of your way to be "friends"..

Claire x

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

Oh love im so sorry i went through the same lost all my mates as i couldnt go out clubing they stopped ringing
yes to trying netmums its been great for me ive met some lovely ladies
And im sure you will make new friends in no time
wish i lived closer hun

did you get my letter?

 

[Red_Fairy]

my best best BEST mate still hasnt actually met my own kids. We met up in June this year, and she sat and cried in my arms how guilty she felt about that, and how things were gonna change. Needless to say she still aint met either of them
tbh, i think im passed the tears ect, im lucky and feel i have everything i need in my own family. My mate is good to meet up with twice a year and have a good piss-up with... not much else anymore.

 

[Bee]

I know exactly how you feel - I have very few friends and people I do talk to I've met on here.

Oh I stay in Glasgow And you are the same ages as me PM me if you want to chat

 

[cez8457]

Friendly like that are not worth having, im not saying cut all ties coz as you said A's baby will be aimee's cousin. I would join some baby groups and make some real friends, ive made 5 wonderful friends from going to a baby group. You'll then be able to say when your so called friends phone and say they went out and got hammered you can say ' a group of us went out on a girls night out too it was one of the best girly nights ive had lol' whether you went out or not lol. Thats what i would do and then maybe you can move on. They really dont sound like good friends, i know its hard but i wouldnt bother worring about them, go along to a play group you'll supprised at the people you will meet.

 

[Lindsay]

Firstly let me give you some of these

Before I was PG I had a large circle of friends but when I fell PG with Jacob they lost touch completely. I got a text one night off them as they were in the pub which said, miss you! It was them who didn't invite me anymore. Jacob is now 2 1/2 and I haven't heard from them at all!! I don't mind, I don't want to be out every weekend getting hammered now, my priorities have changed. I have now got a different circle of friends (all of whom have kids) who I have lots more in common with. I found going to a toddler group really helped and has meant that I have met lots of lovely people!!

Xxx

 

[nori]

I really would say stay away from the lot of them. They really arent worth it. I was called a selfish b!tch by my so called best mate cos i couldnt afford her hen weekend and had allsorts of abuse. It made me realise that she was NOT a friend to me anymore. People unfortunately change and move on, sometimes its best to just go with it and put it all in the past.

You really dont need people like that bringing you down and trust me, you will look back at all this and be so thankful that you got out of the gang of sad pathetic b!tchy woman! Just pity the girls that are still in that group all trying to be fake and please everyone. It will be one of them next time.

Im a strong believer of what goes around comes around, sit back and let it all happen.

Claire x

 

[daftscotslass]

I really would say stay away from the lot of them. They really arent worth it. I was called a selfish b!tch by my so called best mate cos i couldnt afford her hen weekend and had allsorts of abuse. It made me realise that she was NOT a friend to me anymore. People unfortunately change and move on, sometimes its best to just go with it and put it all in the past.

You really dont need people like that bringing you down and trust me, you will look back at all this and be so thankful that you got out of the gang of sad pathetic b!tchy woman! Just pity the girls that are still in that group all trying to be fake and please everyone. It will be one of them next time.

Im a strong believer of what goes around comes around, sit back and let it all happen.

Claire x

Couldn't have said it better myself. Joann - you'll probably be surprised when these people come crawling back, they always do. I was treated in a similar way when I was younger and to my surprise one of the cows who'd made my life hell for 2 years decided that she was going to add me to Bebo etc and sneak back in. I don't talk to her, I just leave her be so that she can see how much I'm enjoying life and how sad her little existence is.

They are not worth it and sound like a couple of bitches. Come shopping with us in Glasgow instead

 

[Sammystar]

You are worth a million of these people. You are so much better off without them in your life!

 

[Vicki83]

As Sammystar said you don't need people like that in your life hun

I'm the same, my friends have dropped like flies since I've become a mummy, especially since I moved away!

 

[lfc_sarah]

 

[firstangel]

You are worth a million of these people. You are so much better off without them in your life!

Totally agree ! and I have been through something simular, and cut all ties with my so called friend a few months ago and I feel so much better for it, she still slags me off, and tells people well its her not talking to me etc etc ! but do you know what i really dont care anymore and im getting on with my life, and its better to have fewer gueniune friends and people who are users or nasty etc.

take care and send me a wee PM if you want I live near Glasgow too!

 

[zebrastripes]

wow