OH gone out drinking for 2nd time this week..

[orangefluff]

And I feel so alone

I've had a really long tiring day and he only came home for 15mins to get ready then went out again. Didnt even talk to me about my day or anything - I had run myself a bath cos I'm so tired & achy and before I could get in, he got in to have a wash before he went out.

Why cant he be lovely like those OH's I hear about who treat you really nicely when you're pregnant? I just want him to care a bit more about me but he doesn't take in anything I say about the way I feel. Maybe it's because he's going to Afghan for 6 months in september so he wants to go out loads before he goes and doesnt want to have to stop in with me and he knows he's not going to be here in the last 2 months of me being PG or when baby is tiny so he's not bothering to make an effort?

I just feel really sad again, more often lately than usual

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Have a word with him hun, he shouldn't be making you feel like this. My OH isn't much better at helping me though but i hint to him about running me a candle lit bath etc, men don't think about our needs only thier own so they need a nudge!
Hope you sort things out x x

 

[jodied]

I'm sorry you are feeling sad and lonely hun. Didn't want to read and run and thought I'd send you a hug. As Lacey's Mummy said perhaps if you had a word with him he would make a bit more effort. Men sometimes fail to realise how we feel even when we think it is really obvious! x x

 

[FebMum2Be]

Oh hun men eh? Have a word.. And even have a chat with your GP or MW about how you are feeling xx

 

[orangefluff]

Thanks girls, and thanks for the hug jodied i really need it as am not getting anything from him. He rang me at 11pm last night to say that he was going to get a lift home soon. I went to sleep and woke up at 1:30 and he still wasn't home, woke up again at 3 and he must have been home cos I could see a light on downstairs - he didnt come to bed until 5:30 so must have fallen asleep downstairs. This is such a regular pattern now. He's just rushed off to work only stopping to ask me where his shirt is etc and make a mess and I'm left here feeling like a worthless piece of nothing again who just lives here and annoys him by tidying his stuff away when he just leaves it all over the house.

I want to cry (and probably will), if it wasn't for my mum coming up today I dont know what I'd do, I actually feel like I dont want him to come home so he cant make me feel like this and I know thats wrong. I'm scared I'm not gonna cope now because I havent got any support when I thought I was going to be ok.

The thing is I have talked to him lots of times about how I feel but he just says he doesnt mean to make me feel like that and he does love me but he's always busy and always has a lot on his mind. He doesn't see that this is wearing me down and making me draw away from him.

Sorry for this, prob just feeling sorry for myself and just need to sort myself out and get on with it but feel so worthless all the time when it comes to him at the mo.

 

[titch]

So sorry hes making you feel like this. It does sound like hes just being thoughtless rather than deliberately trying to upset you, but thats not an excuse.

When I was 20 weeks pregnant OH didnt really fuss over me either. He had ago at me for making him lift everything when we moved house Once I got a bump and he felt the baby kick it all changed cos it was real to him. I was also trying to be really strong and not showing how I was feeling.

It was only a few weeks ago when I sobbed on his shoulder cos I was so drained from being pregnant that he said "sometimes I just forget youre pregnant, you just carry on like normal, I didnt think you were feeling like this" Think I shot myself in the foot for not moaning enough at him. Now i just moan, and you cant really ignore the fact cos I cant get off the sofa without rolling off.

I think he needs a bit of reminding how physically your body is doing an amazing thing, your hormones will be giving you a hard time, and youre facing all the normal fears women have about becoming a mummy on top of knowing he's going to be on tour soon, thats one hell of a combo. I know hes probably anxious about going on tour, and upset that hes gonna miss his baby, but he should be supporting you so that youre strong enough to suport him back.

 

[LouiseB]

When i feel that my husband isn't giving me any acknowledgement, i make myself unavailable.

All of a sudden he'll be interested - why am i not available? Will i be available soon? How can he make me available more quickly?

Don't take it lying down anyway.

 

[orangefluff]

Well, I'll just put a quick update on here. To cut a long story short I looked in OH'd phones on Saturday night after he fell asleep drunk after going out again and I found texts to and from him to 2 different girls that he works with. Absolutely devasted me, some were sent the day of my scan on Wed, several things that really hurt, I wont go into it too much. I woke him up as I was so angry and upset. Basically, we have talked alot since then, he has explained a lot to me and how he has been feeling and messed up about going to Afghan, becoming a dad, problems with his family etc. There is no excuse for the texting but he says it was all flirting and for the attention and didnt go any further. I believe him but I cant help haveing doubts because of all the time we spend apart. It woud be v difficult to write all this without writing an essay. I know we can sort it out but it's still raw right now.

I've not gone in to work today as I'm so tired after not being able to sleep all weekend.

I know I havent explained this very well but just wanted to put something and not just leave it.